Author: wingsfortruth2

WINGS Note: Eric Nelson is an elder in South Dakota who was recently removed from meetings due to allegations.

The notification from workers is posted below, followed by a letter from one of the victims.

Dear friends in SD,

It is our understanding Eric Nelson of Edgemont, SD has allegations of CSA (child sexual abuse) against him. We are also aware of an allegation of texting and requesting lewd material with an adult female.

We have asked Eric to not attend any meetings through the remainder of 2023. We will revisit the situation then.

We encourage any victims to reach out to the following resources or to speak to someone you can trust. RAiNN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is an anti-sexual violence organization.

They can be visited at https://www.rainn.org . RAINN also operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE for adult victims of sexual abuse.

The number to report CSA in SD is 1-877-244-0064.

We are sorry to share this sad news. This is a public matter.

Respectfully,
Perry Pearson
Paul Haakenson

Victim’s story

I am a victim. Not just a victim of sexual abuse, but a victim of a system that protects, defends, and provides the perfect breeding ground for CSA. This system repeatedly failed me as a preteen and caused lasting damage. I wanted to share my story.

When l was 12 years old a young couple moved to my hometown and started going to meeting with my family. The man was charming, funny and endearing. Little did I know that he was purposefully and methodically laying the groundwork to abuse and beginning the grooming process. He quickly became good friends with my dad and brothers. Joining them on hunting, fishing trips etc. Him and his wife also would have us over often for “young kids get together” and even staying overnight with us kids so my parents could have a night out. Which is when the abuse began.

A few years went by, and during that time they continued to be close with my family as well as other young families and couples in the area. They also took the steps to become foster parents, and eventually he became the president of the Foster Parent Association in our town. He was well liked and respected.

All the while he had me in his sights, he had gained the trust of church members, my family and friends, and now he had access to me whenever and however he wanted. He got to be so brazen in what he was doing that eventually everyone knew what was going on. At one get together someone was wondering where he was and his own wife told them to go find me and that’s where he would be as well. He also admitted his crimes to another adult professing man, who in turn treated it like a fun piece of gossip and not the gross sexual abuse it was. Every single adult turned a blind eye and refused to protect me.

One of the hardest things for sexually abuse survivors to grapple with is blaming themselves. I was an insecure preteen and what I can clearly see now was abuse, at the time felt like love and attention. One of the greatest weapons abusers use is the ability to make it feel like it is your fault and therefore you keep silent.

It was a couple years of this abuse, when finally his wife eventually discovered evidence on his computer of his abuse towards me and as well as other girls. I called her up and tearfully apologized. All she said was he was an adult and should’ve known better and it was never spoken about again.

I was forever changed. It affected every aspect of my life. I lived with constant guilt that I was a homewrecker. I was 14 when it ended. 14 years old with the entire blame on my shoulders. And I carried that burden with me for years.

But that’s only half of the story. The second half begins when in adulthood I began to heal, I went to therapy where I finally grasped the gravity of the situation. The heaviness. How absolutely not ok it was. How it was NOT my fault. How not a single adult at the time who knew with the utmost certainty that this was happening was not willing to protect a child. How the church had created a culture where you turned the other way and “let God deal with it”. I learned of more friends and workers who knew what was happening but chose not to believe it. My therapist was required by law to report the abuse to the authorities but of course the statutes of limitations had run out and there was nothing that could be done legally. That lit a fire under me to not ever let this man hurt another girl. But I had an uphill battle.

In the town where this man and his family now lived there were lots of young girls. He had also been made the elder of a Sunday morning meeting. I made it my mission to make sure they were aware of what this man was capable of. But it was met with lots of backlash and no one wanting to be the one to rock the boat. I eventually met with the overseer of my state and told him and another brother worker my story. The overseer then consulted with the overseer in my home state and together they decided because he was a foster parent he would’ve taken classes on Child Sexual Abuse and surely learned from that. I was absolutely flabbergasted. He had abused me AFTER he had taken these classes and If you need a class to teach you sexually abusing children Is wrong you are a danger and every parent in the church deserved to know what he was capable of. But there was still great hesitation, I was even told that the girls living in the area were “good girls” and they wouldn’t “let” him do anything to them. Finally they agreed to talk to him and take the meeting out of his home, as well as make other families in the area aware.

Two brother workers went to meet with him and his wife There were sister workers in the field at the time, they did not tell the sisters why they were meeting with him. Apparently that wasn’t important information for two women who were going to be staying in this man’s home to know. Not to mention, this piece of information was never passed on to incoming workers to the field and a meeting was eventually placed in his home again, as the new workers had no knowledge of these events.

One of the brothers met with me after their visit and spoke so highly of this man. He had admitted to all the allegations and admitted to having a problem with young girls. These brothers then spent a wonderful weekend in his home and were so encouraged by his progress. I felt their feedback spoke volumes to the level of deceit and manipulation predators are capable of, which is what makes them so dangerous. He knew exactly what these brothers wanted to hear.

These days this pedophile has children that are teenagers. I know of parents of teenage girls who are unknowingly sending their daughters on road trips to this mans home for “young kid get togethers” with his kids and my heart just sinks. I don’t want ANYONE to go through what I went through and I feel like it is impossible to protect children in the current church climate. I wanted to add my story to the chorus of many others. Unfortunately, my story is not unique and my heart breaks for every single person who has been violated at hands of someone who portrayed themselves as a Godly professing person and then felt hopeless, helpless and defeated by everyone who stood by and did nothing. You are believed and you deserved better.

WINGS Note: This note was issued after a workers meeting was held at Hunter ND on Friday May 19th with visiting Lyle Schober. No saints were involved and that appears to be specifically justified by the quoted scripture instead of choosing transparency.  The attachments mentioned below were not provided.

From: Perry Pearson [email redacted]
Date: Sat, May 20, 2023 at 8:36 PM
Subject: Yesterday’s gathering, Hermosa preps, summer privileges
To: Perry Pearson [email redacted]
Cc: Paul Haakenson [email redacted]

Our dear friends in the Dakotas,

The Dakota workers gathered yesterday for an encouraging workers meeting in the morning.  An informal meeting followed with open discussion relating to present topics of CSA/SA, reporting these crimes, further education, and guidelines for convicted offenders were addressed.  A letter regarding these matters is forthcoming that the sisters & brothers on our staff are composing.  We recognize they have travel today and have meeting responsibilities tomorrow.

We are attaching the Hermosa prep dates with the convention helpers we are expecting.  Teenagers have spent time at Hermosa preps in years past.  This year, we ask that parents/guardians accompany their minor children coming for work days or a day during the week.   If they spend the night on the grounds during preps, please notify the prep crew & plan to remain with them.

We have also attached the upcoming summer privileges for the Dakota staff.

Some in recent times have asked what workers meetings are.  Workers’ meetings are very much like a Sunday morning fellowship meeting, where we seek to edify, exhort, and comfort one another.  John 13-16 seems a fitting passage as Jesus spent the last night of His young life with His apostles pouring out to them.  Later the apostles wrote of this meeting.  A workers meeting of Paul, Peter & James happened in Jerusalem – later Paul wrote of that in Galatians 1.  Later we read of the apostles assembling in Jerusalem to understand the matter of the Jewish law being imposed upon the Gentiles – this one was about doctrine.  They evidently spoke one by one.  Those that it would have affected the most – the Gentile saints, amazingly, were not invited. This was detailed and the letter was delivered to the Gentiles, causing one of the instances in the New Testament of great joy.

In reflecting on things we heard yesterday morning, the word purity stands out.  The church is worthy of a pure ministry, and is crying out for it.  Words that stand out from yesterday: consolation, comfort, bowels & mercies, reconciled, commitment, take heed, be still, peace, a sweet smelling savor, walk in love, Eph 5:9 is the light we’ve been called into, gold, white raiment, and eye salve.  These are all so pure.  The church is worthy of these virtues.  We heard of Ps 46 twice, though not this verse: There is a river, whose streams make glad the city of God – obviously flowing contrary to nature, as the river that proceeded from the Throne of God, and flowed, dividing into little streams to each believer – and above all, it was pure water that gave eternal life.  The church is worthy of this.

With appreciation for each, 
Your brothers, Paul & Perry

To our Friends in the Texas/New Mexico Fields, 

As communicated previously, the Texas/New Mexico staff came together on May 11-13, 2023 for the specific purpose to raise our awareness of SA/CSA and the danger it presents, to equip ourselves with appropriate practices that prevent and/or address problems when they arise, and, above all, to reinforce a professional standard of behavior that reflects the testimony of our Lord and Savior. The workshop was conducted by several of our friends and each presented on a topic within the scope of their professional expertise. Even though we are not a formal organization their expertise is applicable to our fellowship.  The topics covered were:

• Sexual Abuse and Child Sexual Abuse (SA/CSA)
  • Laws and regulations requiring reporting of SA/CSA
  • Agencies authorized and mandated to investigate reports of SA/CSA
  • Psychological and physiological responses to, and impacts from, SA/CSA
  • Recognizing Red Flags Behaviors associated with sexual predators
  • Education regarding the signs of victims of abuse and trauma
  • Awareness of National and State resources available for education, reporting, and treatment
• Professionalism: Boundaries and Standards of Conduct
  • Types of boundaries including: physical, personal, emotional, sexual, time, and monetary
  • Considerations for managing conflicts and building stronger communications within organizations
  • Consideration of dynamics of power and communication including: abuse of power, how to respond/report, and best practices for preventing and/or mitigating impacts within organizations
  • Consideration of cultural differences/boundaries including social, gender, societal, geographical and generational
• Technology: Smartphones/Social Media – Balance and Boundaries
  • Productivity with technology
  • Becoming aware of the “distraction to destruction” threat of technology
• Leadership Versus Management: Understanding the Difference

The workshop process provided valuable information that has, and will continue to, provide great benefit to us. The information presented and the related discussions in all the topic areas will prove extremely beneficial in assisting us as we strive to serve.  The workshop resulted in better informed and educated participants on many topics, but especially those related to CSA/SA awareness, prevention, and response. The workers agreed that the outcome of the workshop was not only educational but also allowed for identification of best practices for the ministry. Our discussions also resulted in the intentional empowerment of all workers, young and old, male and female, to have open lines of communication and self-advocacy.  We all agreed that there was clear evidence of the presence and leading of the Spirit throughout our workshop.

As a result of the workshop, the plan of the TX/NM Staff is to implement the following actions:

1. Develop and share a policy on identification and response to CSA/SA – in review
2. Develop and share procedures for identification of Red Flag Behaviors and how they are reported to a 3rd party professional organization for investigation – in development
3. Finalize the agreed upon internal guidelines for conduct for TX/NM Staff

We acknowledge that some of these goals will take time to complete. We are dedicated to timely establishment of guidelines/policies for effective implementation of best practices in these areas. To honor our purpose, we acknowledge that this process is an ongoing effort which must allow for continuous updating and improvement. 

We are including some SA/CSA resources for your information. We encourage you to review the information we have included. The raising of awareness enables the safest environment possible. When we know better, we can do better.

The workshop was a highly informative and deeply emotional process. Each day taxed our mental and emotional limits. We understand that a three-day seminar will not allow us to resolve all the issues facing us, but we feel assured that we are pointed in the right direction. We have already seen, even in these three days, that all workers felt the freedom to engage in open dialogue. A few of the thoughts that were shared during our days together: 

• “This is something I wish we could have done years ago.”
• “I really wish that we would have had this when I started in the work.”
• “I am glad to see the transition here into everyone being able to express themselves.”
• “It is clear that God is refining his ministry.”
• “This has been the icing on the cake of all my days in the ministry.”

After our days together, we are comforted and assured again by what Paul wrote to Timothy, Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his (II Tim. 2:19). 

Sincerely,

The Texas/New Mexico Staff

WINGS Note: These comments were circulated in a newsletter to WA N ID AK friends.

WINGS notes some important comments:

• The difficulties we are facing are more serious and far-reaching than I could have ever imagined.
• One important resource has been the friends who have engaged us in point-blank, constructive dialogue.
• All of us want change now.

A few weeks ago. I was in a remote village in Asia when I received the first email regarding allegations against Mark. Immediately I was torn. Do I stay or do I volunteer to return? When I prayed about it, the answer was very clear: I needed to offer to return, at least temporarily. Since that time, Wayne, Brian and I have been working as a team. A new overseer for WA, N ID & AK hasn’t been chosen yet.

Since coming home, most of my time has been spent in conversations where workers and friends have been pouring out their hearts. The difficulties we are facing are more serious and far-reaching than I could have ever imagined. I’m simultaneously trying to understand the problem and envision a solution. One important resource has been the friends who have engaged us in point-blank, constructive dialogue. Some solutions are especially elusive. For instance, what is the best way for us to report a concern if we witness inappropriate behavior? Of course, if we are aware of child abuse, we immediately call a hotline or police, but what about other things? We are spending a lot of time and thought on this matter.

Usually when we have a crisis, it only involves a few people — maybe a person, a family, a church, or a field. This crisis involves all of us. Everyone needs help at the same time. Many people are envisioning a different solution at the same time. All of us want change now. That’s one thing that makes our present distress so overwhelming.

One of the workers recently asked the friends in her field, “What do you need from us?” One of the replies was, “We need to see the fruit of the Spirit.” I don’t have the answers for some things, I don’t have the strength for some things, I don’t have the ability’ for some things, but I can have the fruit of the Spirit in every situation. The fruit of the Spirit is a benefit to everyone at the same time, both to us and to everyone around us. “Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, temperance’ (Gal 5:22-23).

Thanks for welcoming me home and holding me accountable. I pray desperately that I will be true to the responsibility I am given in the challenges and opportunities that are ahead of us. – Darryl Doland