I hardly know where to begin.
Perhaps the best place is this; I am filled with grief for the people who have been abused. I am so sorry that you experienced evil. I have been doing what I can to try to be a help to the people I know. I want to do all I can to help healing. My efforts feel weak, far from enough. Words seem so empty.
For me, there has been comfort that while I am very limited, God is not. I know that hasn’t been comfort to some who have been hurt, and I’m saddened how severely faith has been damaged. I have admired the strength of survivors. I’m thankful for every one who has done what they can to help and heal.
I finally feel able to reach out beyond the ones that I know closely. I’m sorry if it seems too late, I simply haven’t been emotionally well enough myself. I’m repairing a broken heart, as many of you are. It’s been slow, because it keeps taking a beating.
There is a lot of emphasis on help, and I very much, unequivocally support anything that will help those who have been hurt. Yet I know that won’t change what has happened, and the many people who have been hurt by the ones that they should have been able to trust. Far better that it had never happened, even once. Child sexual assault (CSA), sexual assault (SA), or any kind of abuse is wrong, and shouldn’t happen. It has. Much too much, much too often. While I’m glad it’s been brought into the light, it fills me with grief and sorrow as well.
I have been dealing with so many of my own questions, and I still don’t have very many answers. I have no intention or desire to defend a system, or to justify evil. I have not, and will not, cover up CSA, SA, or other abuse. There have been so many things brought to light that I had no idea about, and each one has made me feel more sickened. It’s made me want to walk away from it all.
Rob Newman is my uncle. One grandmother spent 2 years in the work, the other grandmother had 2 sisters who were workers. Glen Yung was a cousin to my grandfather. My sister is in the work. I’m 3rd generation on the shortest “professing” branch of the family tree, with the other branches going farther. I also understand how the very fact that I have been a brother worker, and because of family connections, you may have no trust towards me.
Why do I bring up my family connections?
None of that gives me salvation. None of that makes me right with God. Being a worker doesn’t get me any closer to heaven. Being a disciple of Jesus is my hope. He is the way, not “us.” I will stand alone before God. When I die, the thing I will be most thankful for is the blood of Christ, given for me in love. And what will matter about my life is what I have done… Not what I have said, or what people think of me, or who my family is. What God knows. I have no interest in lies.
I have been in the work for the past 17 years. Mark Huddle has been my overseer for most of my time in the work. I stood behind Dean Bruer in a worker picture just weeks before his death. I’ve tried to serve with my whole heart, as honestly and best as I’ve known how. I’ve been shocked to learn of the things my fellow workers have done, and then shocked more deeply by reactions of other fellow workers. It’s made me feel conflicted, dirty by association. I have hoped to see the Love of God. It’s been hard to see.
Yet, while knowing that those sins are not mine, I am not without sin. If you look for someone to be perfect, I cannot claim even close to that. I have been quiet when I should have spoken. I’ve felt deep and strong violence inside towards those that hurt who they should have protected. Though I’ve prioritized honor in relationships, I have struggled with my attraction to women. God knows the list of ways that I have been wrong. This isn’t a letter to justify myself, or to come across as if I am on higher ground. I am not.
This is a letter to reach out to those who are hurt and are questioning. I am too.
It is in my heart, more than ever, with greater desire than ever, to follow Jesus. I know I am not alone.
I believe that God is perfect, and Jesus did his will perfectly. So there is no mistake in ANY thing Jesus did, or said, or lived. The Holy Spirit will never contradict Jesus. This has been my anchor.
One thing I feel sure of: our only hope as a faith, is in truly following Jesus. Many of us have searched like never before, and we’re finding that we’ve been wrong. Have accepted what isn’t true or right as if it is. Have not searched scriptures and not been as honest and real in prayer as we could have been. Have stood by quietly when we could have spoken against wrong. Have feared men more than God. Have attributed things to God’s spirit that are not His Spirit. Have done things because “it’s what we do,” rather than seeking what God really wants, what is scriptural. Have been more Pharisee than good Samaritan.
It helps to read the Bible, and the New Testament in particular, as if I don’t know a thing. Having a thought and then searching to justify it isn’t safe. It’s arrogant. Being open and accepting of what God wants, and searching for that, is what has brought me peace. Jesus brought God’s will perfectly. It’s so beautiful.
In a strange way, it’s also been a comfort to see problems throughout the Bible, and to know that God continued to work with his people. Sometimes they were bad at responding. We are the same humankind. He is the same God who is alive and working.
I’m not active in the work. It wasn’t my choice… I simply wasn’t able. No one asked me to step away. The future is unknown to me. I feel that too is in God’s hands, me being where I am. Since being “inactive,” I’ve felt Gods help and leading in very real ways. I have told Kent Williston and Darryl Doland that I’ll be needing a year at least out of the work. (I have been on the California staff, on loan from Washington.) I’m in Bakersfield, California, and plan at this time to get a job and routine for my health.
If it would be of any help, reach out. I have withdrawn from social media, though still have Instagram… so kelsayung [@] gmail.com is probably best to get in touch if you’d like. If you are reeling, but want to truly follow Jesus, know that you have a kindred spirit in me.
This is an open letter. Share it to who you will. I will forewarn you that I’m not in the best state to be your strength… I’m weak myself. Please, know that you’re not alone.
With love and care,
Kelsay Yung
WINGS Note: Posted at the request of Kelsay Yung
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FINALLY, someone from the “ministry” willing to speak up. Thank you Kelsay for having the guts to CALL OUT the bs and put words to the uncleanliness of what has been. The abuse and cover-up has been ongoing for decades(personal experience). The current leadership team still has a LOT to learn, and maybe a LOT more humility is still needed, based on the more recent communication. Management still may NOT be getting it. Best to you.
observer, well said. ditto, ditto, ditto. Only thing I would have said differently in Kelseys letter. Leave Williston out of it
PD, care to elaborate further on your comment regarding Williston? Curious to hear your thoughts.
Reply to observer,
Kent Williston has many so called rules in his book. He is phony on what he says. Someone a few years ago in Orange County California gave him some money and because they had a bottle of wine in the refrigerator he would not except it. Please Kent turning water into wine? Way to many you can’t to this, you can’t that. This might not answer my comment about Williston. But it’s how I feel concerning him.
Kent was sent to California, for a reason…not appreciated in British Columbia, and too many friends in Washington and Oregon knew about who he was…California was far enough away. We feel for the California staff and friends. He’s ruthless and cruel, and is probably pretty proud of himself for now having the “ultimate authority” (or so he thinks…because, God is the only authority).
He stayed in our home during special meeting rounds about 25-30 years ago…and my instinct was “Wow! What an arrogant prick!” Not a Christlike Spirit.
Kelsay, I hardly know how to thank you. I appreciate your courage and deep heartfelt honesty in your letter. You’ve encouraged me this year. You’ve communicated well some of the things I’ve felt these past few months. I can’t imagine the past 6 months from the vantage point of a courageous young brother worker. Take care. I hope you find all of the rest and encouragement you need whatever the future holds.
Kelsay, Thank you for your open honesty. Your love, accountability, and heartfelt support for those who have been abused, misled, and hurt by so many within the fellowship is refreshing. We have all been betrayed and manipulated and grossly misled. The fact that so many of the ministry (though not just the ministry) still remain silent and in denial, actively abusing and/or covering up egregious crimes and/or being complicit in such crimes, refusing accountability, transparency, and shutting their hearts to those who are hurting and in pain speaks volumes. Where is the love of christ in them? Their actions/inactions have clearly shown the conditions of their heart. Their words are tone-deaf and empty, promoting false doctrine and man-made control for their own benefit and power. Using unscriptural rules, man-made tradition, group-think, fear, retaliation and judgement to enforce compliance and a false sense of peace and security. Salvation does not come by any man (or woman) here on earth, nor does it come by association with any person or group of people. Thank you for sharing your heart in this letter. It is greatly appreciated and I wish you the absolute best as you continue your journey of healing and seeking salvation through jesus. Love is the answer.
By this shall all men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
Kelsay, thank you so much for the letter of encouragement!!! I love the thought of reading, the NT especially, as if we don’t know anything. I’ve been doing the same. I’ve been trying to forget all I’ve been told and praying that God would reveal to my heart what He’s tryng to teach by the power of His Holy Spirit. I want to have the heart of a child…longing to learn all I can. It’s like all things are made new and I feel excited to read and study with Him, when reading in this new light. I love the thought you wrote that the Holy Spirit will never contradict Jesus. May He open our eyes to HIS Truth and bless us with HIS rest in heart.~
Thanks so much for your honesty and heartfelt words, it is so appreciated.
Kelsay:
WOW! What a letter! AND to think you sent that Letter to THE SITE that is “put in place” by 3 ‘unprofessing’ ladies to fix a problem within a so called ‘God’s One Only Right Way’. Is that the way God fixes problems in His Kingdom of Heaven on Earth? God calls in people of “satan” to fix His Kingdom? You are allowing ‘satan’ to help you communicate?
Yes, I am being factitious!
Yes, Kelsay; we hear your heart. Your desperate need to help the abused, bruised, wounded and hurting is the cry of your heart. We too, are unable to understand WHY God’s perfect way IS UNABLE to help!
We too were thrust into God’s Word by a deep need to know God’s Mind and Will. We were unable to ACTUALLY learn what is Actually WRITTEN until we took-off our 2×2 glasses. THIS WAS very scary to remove them.
But was the ONLY way to actually to be able to read God’s WORD – our Holy Bible as written.
Please shake-off the preconceived Doctrine of the WAY that does not have a “Doctrine” — only The Way of Jesus. Take off the Blinders.
The “Holy Spirit” is God’s Word. 2 Peter 1:27; 1 Peter 1:11 is the Spirit of Christ. And you read :12
What you are reading in the 4 Gospels IS what Jesus in His flesh preached to Israel = Jews. What Jesus sent the 12 to preach is to Israel = Jews.
Why?
To bring Israel back to God! WHY? to do Doctrine = Acts 2:42 – :46
God had been “silent” to His People for 400 years. Amos 8:11-:12.
You say it is Good to read problems of God’s People; and to know God continued to Work with his people. The Old Testament records God turned from his Nation, yes, after they were in their Promised Land many years. Why? Isaiah 1:2 – :8. WHAT did God say to them through Isaiah?
Isaiah 1:10 – :15. THIS is ugly! But you know what is more UGLY?
God has turned from His Chosen Nation of Israel THAT Jesus was sent by His Father to bring BACK TO God. That Government would NOT.
Then Jesus sent the 12 to be his witnesses and gave the them the power of the Holy Spirit to rest upon them. The VERY Holy Spirit that Nation blasphemed(Math. 12:31 – :32) could not be “forgiven”!!! Recorded in Acts 6:11 – :15. and Acts 7:51 – :59.
Israel IS “blinded” NOW! And has been for almost 2000 years!
Romans 11:7-:10 records what was prophesied in O.T. about Israel — has happened! AND God is NOT YET turned again to Israel with their promised Kingdom of Heaven on Earth; “GOSPEL”!
Rom. 11:25 -:27. But has promised through Paul THAT God will turn again to Israel with their Gospel of Their Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
Kelsay: how wonderful that you really want to KNOW God’s Word as Written. God’s word IS the “Holy Spirit”! Pray that God will open your Heart as God open Lydia’s Heart (Acts 15:12 – :15)
BUT you must NOTICE to whom Lydia was “listening” and LEARN the Gospel Paul was preaching — that Lydia heard!
TRy Ephesians 3:1-:9. Romans 3:21 – 27, Ephesians 2:4 – :9, 1 Cór.15:1-:4.
This is the “Gospel” Jesus gave to Paul to preach when God turned from His chosen Nation of Israel for the third time.
For 70 years we followed 2×2’s with our very being. God set our minds to Paul’s Gospel. It was a brutal Journey to unlearn what is NOT our Gospel.
And to learn what is the Gospel Jesus, the Risen, Ascended Christ revealed to Paul. THEN you will be able to help others in their deep need.
WINGS is administered largely by currently professing people around the world and has no particular connection with AFTT. We appreciate the work of AFTT.
We are grateful that Kelsay has written such an insightful and helpful letter, along with others who have published here.
Kelsay – I wish you health and peace. It’s so easy for us to have a standard in our mind of what we should conform to and we feel defeated when we are not able to fulfill it. But God created us as he wished and for his own reasons which are beyond our understanding. We still believe what Paul wrote – that all things work together for good for those that love God and are called acc to his purpose. Keep your faith, brother. The tale isn’t told yet.
Astounded:
I always try to figure out what you are trying to say, because you’ve obviously done a lot of study and feel very strongly about what you believe. However, there is so much emotion in what you say that I always lose what you’re trying to get across.
I would say that most “workers” today would not agree that the physical things that were so clearly preached in the past have anything to do with doctrine, but more are as a convenience, to provide a setting so that true fellowship and spiritual growth can occur. Just like the old law could never bring salvation even at the time that it was given and even though it was from God himself. But it provided a setting that those who truly desired to serve God could do so more conveniently and easily.
It is true that there are all sorts of “good” references to the Bible that are often quoted as to why the workers go two together. The truth is that we don’t have clear doctrine about it. But… it is safe and practical if it is adhered to. Regarding the Pauline doctrine that you seem to now follow, also he was rarely alone and he rarely signed only his name to his letters. Maybe sometimes it was some of the Christians that accompanied him such as Luke. But of course back then it just wasn’t safe to travel alone, and to be honest it isn’t safe in our day either. It’s usually when someone has made an effort to be alone that things happen that shouldn’t happen. This doesn’t account for one worker abusing another either emotionally or otherwise – that of course does happen on occasion. But the younger generation has been raised differently even naturally, and I would say that most have a much greater tendency to call out things than they did, say, 20+ years ago. These days I think have helped to better equip those who are the more vulnerable amongst us.
Paul also was very much in favor of fellowship and also the emblems and even baptism. He had very helpful words regarding all of that. Is it doctrine? Maybe others would disagree with me but I wouldn’t say it is. But they are given for a reason – to help as we go along our journey. They are like a schoolmaster to bring all of us to Jesus. Gal 3:28 In Christ there is no Jew nor Gentile. God wants a family, just one. One day he will gather together all things in Christ to himself (Eph 1).
Love requires more than one, and as we learn to love one another, we learn to love God. The letter to the Romans is very clarifying. We are the spiritual seed of Abraham through faith. Love is the fulfillment of the law. Especially Romans 15 is very helpful. Additionally, he sanctioned receiving help and instruction from the old law because it clearly manifests the will of God. Rom 15:4 For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. The reason Paul was so helpful was because he had had such good instruction in the old law, and once he accepted Jesus, he could clearly see Jesus all through the law. He saw it more clearly than all of those who had been directly with Jesus. We are very thankful for Paul’s revelations and understanding that he helpfully shared through letters. Through the letter to the Romans he also reveals that Jesus is the only hope for the Jews.
Jesus gave his apostles a new commandment – to love one another as he had loved them. This replaced the old commandments of loving God and loving our neighbor. Because now there is just this, that we manifest our love to God BY our love one to another. This is very much in line with Paul’s teachings. And remembering this helps us to see the natural traditions as simply helps along the way and we don’t get our nose too out of joint when something changes. But Paul doesn’t want us to be followers of him. He wants Christ to be All in All and through the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit we can all have an inner teacher to guide us safely and in compliance with the Will and Word of God.
Thank you, “Love makes the best boundaries”, for your helpful comment – very much agree with all, except that it worries me if anyone thinks Jesus’ “new commandment” given in John 13:34-35 is intended to replace earlier guidance.
It doesn’t say that Jesus commanded us to love one another INSTEAD of loving God and our neighbor – it reads as if we should love one another IN ADDITION TO loving God and our neighbor.
Not so?
I also can’t think of anything in Paul’s or other NT writings that would contradict this understanding.
Observer-
Thank you so much for making the effort to ask for clarification and I’m sorry I didn’t make it more clear. Nothing Jesus did or said undid or disagreed with the old law – rather it just went further, to the heart. He himself said that these two were the greatest commandments. So rather think of it on the order of how he spoke in Matthew 5 – what he gave us is a going beyond what was given in the Old Testament, but actually it’s what was from the beginning.
What does it mean to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength? What things do we do that are for God alone and not with regard to others? Sometimes we do make a distinction, but I don’t think it’s too accurate. For one thing, we think of our alone time – that we should take time to read and pray. And Jesus asked his apostles to pray directly to the Father. Perhaps we could say that maybe prayer, maybe the emblems maybe even going to meetings, maybe baptism – those are the things we do to love God that are not connected with loving others. But as you think about all of those things – actually all of them are meant for our fellowship with each other. We call emblems “communion” and we partake in them with each other. As an aside, I think it’s a travesty that we have been expected to bow our head and not watch as each take it – I think it was meant that we would appreciate each other taking part in the emblems. We’re in this together. Prayer – we pray to God, we want to make it to heaven where we can be in paradise with God forever. But he wants a family. There will be a family in heaven.
The old law usually gave two parts to dealing with sin – they had to make it right naturally (ie, give restitution to the one they had stolen from etc), and they had to offer up a sin offering to God. And there were other commandments in addition – appearance on different holy days, other offerings to be made. But Jesus has become our offering and one offering of himself is enough forever. Above all of these things, as they lived and moved in the earth, in fact if they were loving God as they ought to, it would be manifested in how they were treating others. So really, love is the fulfillment of the law. Think of David – he took the showbread from the temple and gave it to his soldiers to eat – they were not exactly beacons of society – but Jesus said he was blameless. It was doing a big part of what the law was built for – to protect the poor. When David’s heart smote him after he cut off Saul’s garment, he didn’t go the temple and offer a sacrifice – actually the old law wouldn’t say anything about what he did. I think those 17 years he was on the run he didn’t do much in terms of sacrifices etc. But he was a man after God’s own heart and God loved his spirit so much that he wanted his own son to come from that bloodline. When he sinned regarding Uriah and Bathsheba, he said in ps 51 that only against the Lord had he sinned – well actually he had sinned against not only these two people, but the whole nation because he was king. But he understood that how he treated others was important to God, and that his actions towards others was sinful to God. In other words, he couldn’t just make restitution and an offering and call everything good. He understood that God expected truth in the inward parts and he knew what he needed was for God to create in him a clean heart.
There was a loophole in the law that Jesus was able to take advantage of, and that was that the law really was meant to protect the poor and otherwise vulnerable; so, as a very poor man, the law would actually be a protection for Jesus, not the other way around. As a result, there were many parts of the law that he didn’t have to concern himself with. And especially as he kept himself sinless he would not have to give a sin offering. And thus he could concentrate on this: love in accordance to the will of His Father.
So Jesus has fulfilled the natural part of loving God. We don’t follow the requirements of the old law anymore. Because we believe as is written in the book of Hebrews, that Jesus IS our sin offering, valid yesterday today and forever. Thus we are free to concentrate on loving our neighbor. But Jesus asked us to go further. To love one another as he loved us. We can only do that when we are truly serving God and have received his grace and help to love in a divine manner that is beyond what we can do naturally.
Paul said it nicely in Rom 12:1-2 Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, WHICH IS YOUR SPIRITUAL SERVICE OF WORSHIP (KJV – reasonable service). And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. The 3rd verse starts with a conjunction tying it to the first 2 verses – usually translated as “for”, clearly tying together our spiritual service to God as being manifested in how we treat each other.
Hopefully this gave a clear answer as to what I was a trying to say, and it was this, that love is everything and has the power to frame everything we do so that we behave towards others in a manner that is pleasing and acceptable to God. There would be no CSA or any other such abuses where the love of God is truly prevailing. In other words, when we transgress the boundaries of another, we are in fact sinning against God himself. I think everyone would agree with that. Sometimes we judge people as lesser than God, and thus it’s less important in how we treat others than how we treat God. But God doesn’t make this distinction. How we treat the most unimportant, least worthwhile person in society manifests how we are treating Jesus himself (Mat 25). So we love God by loving one another. The defense of an offender that “They asked for it because of how they dressed” doesn’t fly with God. However, God asks the same respect from everyone. If I am a woman who respects God, I will be careful in how I dress so as to not cause a stumbling block or create a temptation for my brother. We don’t need dress codes, etc, if we are living under the law of love.
Kelsey please accept my heartfelt thanks. We are all suffering pain and sorrow from direct abuses to our family and I keep going back to your letter for encouragement. Keep strong in the strength God supplies