I think I’m finally ready to share my story. I’ve been wanting to share for months but to be honest this trauma runs so deep in me that it’s hard to live life AND face this.
I was sexually assaulted by a worker, [JR], when I was 9 years old. I suppressed this memory for years, but always wondered why I had certain thoughts/ memories/ behaviors, and always had the gut feeling that something had happened that I wasn’t yet able to face.
As a child, I remember going from a pretty chill normal kid to a little girl who was hiding in my closet, being terrified of being alone in the house without my parents, checking cupboards to ensure nobody was watching me before I’d take a bath… and on & on. Seemingly overnight.
Looking back, it all makes perfect sense.
I turned to controlling food & my body, which led me down a path of struggling with anorexia for over 20 years. My body didn’t feel like a safe place to exist & I was thrashing about trying to find some semblance of safety.
My first true memory of the CSA came about 8 or so years ago. Of course, I brushed it off but it haunted me. While working on indigenous reservations teaching yoga & women’s empowerment I started to note how similarly I felt to those women who had survived childhood assault. Again, I tried to ignore it as a possibility. It couldn’t be true right? But by then I’d been struggling with anorexia for many years and the root cause always seems to come back to a lack of safety both in my body & just as a general feeling of things being “out of control”. And a deep-rooted feeling that I was broken.
I finally committed to going deep. I worked with a trauma therapist & did some deep subconscious work specific to my memories around CSA. The first time I realized who the perpetrator was, I was shocked & devastated. JR was a worker that I saw as a ‘family friend’. Someone I never would have guessed would violate my innocence. And yet, I couldn’t deny the dread I felt at seeing a picture of him on my parents’ fridge one Christmas, or the panic attack I had (after years without having panic attacks) when my BIL showed me a video that had him in it. An indescribable feeling of stored trauma rising to the surface.
I swore I’d never tell my parents – I just couldn’t comprehend having to tell then that someone they trusted to be in their home had stolen so much from their little girl. That the faith that was their entire world has created an opportunity for so much pain.
And yet, in time it became apparent that I needed to be honest with them. So, long story a little less long, I told my parents in January this year (2023). I’ll never forget the way it felt to have them look me in the eye and say “we believe you”. I’m so grateful for this, as I know there are those without this acknowledgment given to them.
They asked my permission to share with the workers in their field. I agreed. Those workers called the overseer, Jim Atchison, who needed to “process this”. After months of hearing nothing back my parents were contacted by JA who essentially said he’d asked JR who “had no memory of it” (shocking right?!) & invalidated the possibility of the allegations, going so far as to ask if I had had hallucinations. JA then requested I provide details. I was unwilling to provide details to my parents who had struggled enough with accepting all this & asked JA to contact me directly.
Again, to make a long story a little bit less long, I shared my story with JA, including that I wasn’t about to share details to “jog JRs memory” when he’d denied any memory. After months going by again, I essentially got a thank you for your story, happy healing, hope you feel better now, bye.
After following up with JA, my parents received a message from him that he’d be doing nothing further, I’m an adult who should deal with it, said “you just can’t let it go can you” to them (well duh), and went so far as to (in the oh so sweet “we should remember” type way) accuse my parents of slander.
So that’s my story. I’m done feeling small & invalidated by these assholes who think they’re invincible.
Where there’s one, there’s more. I’ve been in touch with Cynthia & would encourage anyone with a story to do the same – she’s incredible.
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Another courageous disclosure. Even though it should be no surprise, I am so sickened by JR and JA. So unbelievably revolted. BOTH of them need to “get the boot” from the ministry. I feel that those who cover up CSA are nearly as culpable as those who engage in it. There is a stagnant sloughy smell wafting down from the lofty levels of the ministry.
It’s terrible what you have gone through at the hands of someone that claims to be a servant of God 😔
People need to realize that JR is sill in the work!
I’m so sorry for your years of suffering, and for the invalidation you experienced. These things should never have happened!
If JR is still in the work, I’m worried because I don’t know who he is. I don’t feel safe.
JR labourers in Canada this season. Although that doesn’t give you much comfort.
I think as parents we need to be cautious of everybody.
How can a person make an accusation like this, but be “unwilling to provide details”? How does one defend themselves against an accusation like this ? Sorry, I can’t take this one seriously. There has to be some accountability/ burden of proof on the side of the accuser.
This may be your opinion, John but it is not legal. The mandate of the overseer is to protect and report. Not investigate. It is time for everyone to understand this. There is no such thing as burden of proof until the matter is in court. We are discussing Child Sexual Abuse!
If I read the post correctly, she didn’t want to share details with her parents, but she did share her story with ‘JA’. She doesn’t need to share details with you or any of us, Mr. Fisk. Your attitude is exactly why victims find it hard to come forward. And, I think, that is exactly what overseers, including ‘JA’ want. BTW, are you a worker? May I suggest a ‘Ministry Safe’ course for you? You really could use it.
This person HAS provided the details to all of the appropriate people. Just because she hasn’t provided them on this site to satisfy the morbid curiosity of people like you doesn’t mean that there is no ‘burden of proof.’
How can a person seriously expect an adult to have proof that they were sexually assaulted when they were nine years old? Would you need 100% proof to believe your own daughter?
Do you know how many abusers feel the same way as you? Knowing full well that there is no evidence against them because it happened so many years ago. Or the abuser believes that no one will believe the child anyway so they are free to act however they like with very little consequence.
survivors of sexual abuse do not have to give details to everybody to be believed.
Seriously? If your daughter came to you about sexual abuse, you would need 100% proof that it happened before you would believe her?
John Fisk, one day coming soon YOU could very well face your own personal experience to make this victims experience real for you. And, when nobody wants to hear it from you, just remember your unsympathetic ear. It won’t be what you want.
JF sounds like some of the others in the group that I used to rub shoulders with and many, if not, most of the workers, especially leadership. No wonder CSA/SA is so prevalent in the group with such caveman type thinking.
I have to presume that you have never experienced significant trauma in your life. I’ve not experienced SA but have lived through losing a spouse at a young age. The other day someone mentioned visiting the Lake Washington park in Seattle. That was one of the places where my wife and I went when we needed a bit of “normalcy” as she was undergoing treatment. Without realizing it I went into a tailspin just remembering that park and that was over 35 years ago. Just thinking about it brings back the fear, dread, and frustration I felt all those years ago. Not just the memory of them but the actual feelings came flooding back. This survivor may not be able to discuss the sexual abuse that she experienced. Also she shouldn’t have to explain it to someone who has no business learning of those details. Those need to be saved for the courtroom.
Thank you for sharing this, Thomas. I am so sorry for your deep loss. May you know comfort from our loving God.
55 years ago I was sexually abused by a professing man at the age of 13. It has impacted my entire life. I have only recently been able to speak of the abuse. And even though he has been dead for 30 years, just the mention or sight of his name will send me into a panic attack. No one can understand the lifelong effects of trauma, unless, like you, they are living through it.
God bless you and may He forgive the callousness of men like John Fisk.
I have to admit, also, Thomas Likes, that I thought I had ‘got over’ most of my past dysfunctional Homelife as a child…..Never heard of “trigger point”, etc. BUT, attended our grand-daughter’s wedding and a song was played….well I cried through all of it….I was shocked at myself….a beautiful innocent song called “You Are My Sunshine”….why? my daddy used to play it to us children when we were all together as a happy family…..before mommy was gone from our home!! NOW I KNOW!! and I have empathy/sympathy for those who’ve suffered for many years with trigger after trigger. To Perps: stay home..Triggers last a lifetime — from any trauma….isn’t that what PTSD is?
It is a LEGAL requirement to report CSA, John Fisk.
ALSO I am going to share from another person’s post from another site than WFT, because I cannot say it better:
“ Just sharing thoughts that have been tearing me up inside lately.
I’ve been really upset the past few days hearing directly or through others about those (i) that don’t believe or didn’t believe the victims (old news I know), (ii) have family that say these people (the pedophiles) are innocent until proven guilty, (iii) that say where’s the proof, or (iv) say you can’t get caught up in those internet sites where they talk about all of this hate…you just can’t believe everything that’s posted.
With that said, I feel like carrying around this picture of me and asking them if they wouldn’t believe this little boy if he said he was molested? He was and I’m sorry I wasn’t recording it to show you the proof. KIDS DON’T LIE ABOUT THIS! Now that I’m 50 years old and an “elder” of a meeting, would you still not believe me, do you not think I can use discernment in what I read and consume on the internet?
I just cannot begin to relate to someone that has the above responses to children and innocent people being molested and sexually assaulted. When you are quick to judge all other matters, but fail to even believe a sexual assault victim, then it’s ignorant on my part to think you will reprove and bring to light the criminal and despicable sexual assaults on children.”
If you had read the story, John Fisk, you would have seen that she did provide details to the worker, JA. People that don’t believe , make this poor girls abuse even worse, and help workers like JR to continue in the work and to continue abusing other victims. Statistics have shown that when a victim comes forward, they are telling the truth almost 100% of the time. There has been way too much covering up already. I am sure it was hard enough for her to come out and tell her story. We do not need to be her judges
Ok Canada , this is not the first we’ve heard about JR . Let’s get the wheels turning and investigate this man and his overseer JA.
Canada seems to be pretty quiet, It’s not because things haven’t happened. I think we’ve revered the workers more than some other places.
Thank you for speaking out, we need your story to help put an end to this evil.
To other victims, PLEASE take courage and tell your story , others are also suffering , it’s YOUR time, to help put an end to this evil insanity. YOU will be very much appreciated and you may be able to begin healing..
This is the first I have heard of JR with this issue. Can you tell me more please?
I am overwhelmed with anger and disgust at the betrayal you experienced. I am also overwhelmed with awe at your courage.
I cannot comprehend the action of asking the accused to verify the allegation. And more overwhelming is the request for the victim to provide details! And then more children are put at risk again.
The overseer with knowledge beforehand exposed children to an alleged pedophile. This is a current dereliction of duty. Mandatory reporting to protect children from danger is not optional.
I would encourage everyone to read JA’s letter “To Workers and Friends”, dated April 29, 2023, (post Dean Bruer revelations). Then re-read “Abuse disclosure” above. Same JA. He apparently had ‘great concern for the victims in each case’ in April, yada, yada, yada, until faced with an actual case in his territory. Not too concerned then. In fact, downright dismissive. Deflect, minimize, and run cover. It’s a consistent pattern. Really reprehensible behavior.
You are absolutely correct t. Maybe Wings can do a Pingback to the letter you referenced so all can readily see what a fraud this guy Jim Atchison is. Par for the course to have group leadership talk out of both sides of their mouth.
JR has also been given/entrusted with a “new” worker in Canada. This will be his first year. What does that say?
Really hard to understand!!!
If this comment gets blocked by a moderator is just makes it harder for people to know who is the perpetrator.
JR… is it Justin Reynolds or another? I would like to know what JR is resembling, if it be Justin Reynolds or not.
At the very least email me the full name.
It is not Justin
JR is in Saskatchewan