Ray,
I have elected to write you this follow up letter because I never want to appear to be purposely inaccurate or hurt any cause.
Since I sent you my letter, apparently there have been many phone calls between people discussing my sexual abuse as a child. I was not privy to a single one and those discussing my case were never present. I was asked to retract your and John’s name with association to it. I was also asked to retract the story about your own abuse and sharing with others. Extended family members feel these are inaccurate.
I will say that if they are, I am not above humbling myself and apologizing. I was a child. I was not present for any (if any) conversations that occurred after my abuse was brought to light. I had not heard your or John’s names (or any workers) associated with the event before the day my husband and I had been sitting at bedside with my father in December 2021. I will agree that Dad was heavily medicated at the time. He desperately wanted to speak to me about how sorry he was that he had not protected me back then. It was an extremely uncomfortable conversation. He once again asked me for deeper details. I think he sensed I was not telling him everything. Frankly, I just didn’t want to share everything at the time. I had placed that horrible time and the events that surrounded it in a vault and I just didn’t want to remove it. My husband and children were all that knew. (and later a therapist) He mentioned a few things that I have not discussed publicly to date about a couple of people I thought to be Clarence’s victims as well. (which Dad had spoken about) I have been told they were actually Clarence’s son in laws victims. Seems their family had a lot of issues. I have to trust I am being told the truth and with that being said then have to admit, Dad may have been getting people confused in his stories and comments.
I had been building some anger towards you stewing on this. I just didn’t know when or how to address it. It wasn’t until the Dean Bruer case that I decided to say my piece. I emailed you directly. I had nothing to be ashamed about or concerned that I was inaccurate at that time.
My extended family says there is no way you and John could have known because it was a “family issue.” I was in no way even remotely related to Clarence, so I don’t totally understand that blanket comment. I suppose my greatest anger, other than to Clarence, is to a family who clearly cared so little for others that they would cover for someone and allow them to harm others outside their family in the meetings. I find it especially upsetting that it was one of his very victims that made the comment. Which goes to show just how ill people are when it comes to child sexual abuse and even their response to it.
So for the sake of transparency and accuracy, I am apologizing and retracting my accusations. I, in no way, can offer any proof of anyone’s involvement. I have family who are greatly concerned about how they are being perceived within the meeting by my comments and their place within it. I am tired. I am tired of the ugliness and vitriol.
I am placing my story back in the vault, just as it had been for the past 43 years. I wish the subject had never even come up now. It seems to have just caused a big mess when all I wanted to do was get things off my chest once and for all and also help others along the way. I have made attempts to remove the story from any public or private domain.
I’m sorry for any trouble this has caused you. Feel free to share with whomever you wish.
Sincerely,
Theresa Chambers Hensley
WINGS Note: This letter replaces a letter previously posted with the author’s approval. See https://wingsfortruth.info/2023/06/20/victors-letter-to-ray-hoffman/
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Theresa, I am so very sorry that place and position matter more to your family than having compassion for the abuse you suffered and your current mental wellbeing. The pressure from your extended family to retract your statements is a sad reflection on the church and the very reason it is in its current position. The focus has been on keeping the outside clean and hiding the filth on the inside no matter the cost. I am saddened beyond words.
Agree. Not a light thing to talk about, then being shamed to withdraw the story 🙁 The tone of this apologetic withdrawal says more than the words themselves and could be used as a good reference on what an effective apology contains. May peace be with you, Theresa. We’re sorry you were made to feel as if what you experienced was invalid.
Dear Theresa,
Don’t shove it back in a box.
Don’t feel bad for speaking your truth.
Don’t give up on justice.
And don’t apologize for causing trouble.
Love, a friend.
Funny, but not. Ray told my brother the same story, so why does it need to be retracted? Is he now distancing himself from that? Interesting, but not surprising.
Nooooooooo! Everyone, we let Theresa down and she is being mistreated, still! Theresa, we believe you and support you fully. We are not here to judge you, and are so very sorry for any pressure from your family. As more and more comes out each day, the broad failure by the workers to take action to stop CSA ans SA is undeniable. We have the highest respect you and the courage that it took so say something, and are praying that your family will understand before they perpetuate the abuse cycle further.
Oh, Theresa. I wish I could write all the things that are in my heart right now, as I think about what you are going through. I tried, but the enormity of this is greater than there are words for. My heart is just filled with grief. I wish I could believe that your letter will shame Ray, but I fear that it will just be read with complacency over having gotten his way. “Another one brought into line.”
Please don’t put things back into the vault. No vault is big enough or strong enough to hold this putrid garbage. I know this, because when I disclosed my abuse at the hands of a relative of a powerful worker, the wagons were circled to protect him, and not me, and the workers who tried to help me were castigated as well. It took another 30 years for the vault to be re-opened and emptied … with help.
Speak your truth and choose your family here in this safe place. Please please.
Theresa, I am so very sorry that your family and others are still gaslighting you to make themselves feel and appear better than they are. I kept a copy of your first letter as the raw truth rung out in peals from it. Do Not feel less than! My heart hurts for you and I am angry at those who have coerced you into this repeal. Lovingly, Sue Battle
Dear Theresa, I am sending you love. May Jesus wrap you in His loving, healing arms.
Hmmm. Blink twice if someone whose name rhymes with “Play” demanded a public apology, then threatened you with litigation if you didn’t comply.
To the author of this letter: sorry for all you’ve experienced, then and now. You don’t deserve it.
Dear Theresa, I believe I may have experienced the powerlessness you may feel right now. All day I have thought of some things you wrote in your 1st letter. I have also tried to imagine the grace and power it took to write the second letter. In your first letter, you wrote, “Instead God rid him.” (Speaking of your tormenter). I pray if none of those to whom you appeal can understand and support you now, you will experience personal deliverance again and comfort. Meanwhile, know that many of us love you and appreciate what you have done. I am heart sick for all this. May God help the rest of us to grow into a fuller understanding of each other, ourselves, and the liberty in Christ. Tender best wishes from a fellow RN and friend.
I was very confused for a long time. “Victor” should be “Victim”!!!!!!
Her first letter states she didn’t want to be known as a victim but a victor. I applaud her courage.
Got it – Victor is also a man’s name, so a bit confusing for my brain! Thanks for clarifying
I am sorry she is retracting her original letter.