(Note: Revised apology below: June 23, 2023)
June 19, 2023
Dear friends and fellow workers,
I want to extend a personal apology to each along with this updated Child Safe Policy. A while ago I was encouraged to seek out some professional / professing help to address the Child Safe Abuse (CSA) issues that have come to light in recent times. Three couples were chosen to help, and their dedication and professionalism have taken a heavy load off me. Recently 13 couples representing all fields in BC attended a Zoom session to review and critique the CSA policy. Stemming from this meeting, further constructive edits were made. This document was then reviewed by a CSA legal specialist for accuracy and legal compliance. Now we would like each elder to distribute a copy of the Child Safe Policy to each member attending the church in their home.
In hindsight I realize more than ever that I was in over my head and floundering as I was trying to understand and get up to speed with CSA. I do want to apologize to victims amongst us for my lack of understanding and the additional pain that this has caused them. I truly am sorry. The Ministry Safe Course we all took in 2021 was an eye opener, but that was just the beginning. I want to say “thank you” to those who have constructively reached out to help myself and others in the ministry who are coming from a background of zero understanding of CSA to become more aware and educated regarding the damage abuse does to little lives and the long-lasting effects that result.
Moving forward I do feel we are in a much stronger position to deal with CSA appropriately. Some of the new tools at our disposal are:
- Clearer guidelines, education, and awareness that past generations did not have. Recently, it was wonderful to see the response to an apology from the BC ministry to an older couple who felt betrayed in the past. She was able to die with peace in her heart and he is presently attending meetings again. We want to recognize and apologize for any other historical cases in BC.
- We understand that good victim therapy is expensive. We’d like to encourage victims from CSA to seek this help and If the CSA came from the BC ministry we’d like to offer to help with these costs if possible. Please feel free to bring these concerns to us for consideration.
- Our professing /professional advisory panel (similar to Acts 6) has kindly offered to help us navigate through CSA issues. I hope we all can appreciate their efforts and sacrifice helping us find a way through these issues in a more united way. We are aware that our enemy’s most effective tool is the wedge- creating divisiveness.
- Communication will be better going forward. We need to accept the fact that most communication will end up on social media but despite this we will endeavor to send out little updates more regularly to keep us all on the same page regarding things relevant to BC.
- Recently a person shared their story of coming ‘full circle,’ giving God the glory for a power beyond human strength to forgive and love those who at one time had been abusive. Isn’t this the power that our Master displayed at the cross as He was being abused sexually, verbally, physically, and emotionally, and then uttering the words “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. This allowed Him to slip into eternity with a free spirit. We don’t want to overlook this most powerful tool that is at the disposal of every true child of God. This victim also stated that convention memories were the 5 most wonderful days of each year free from abuse. Going forward with more awareness and better tools, conventions can be an even safer memory maker for our youth.
Thank you for your patience in these stormy waters and I hope I can regain your trust going forward. I do love this Kingdom and especially the youth in it and pledge to do whatever is best for the Kingdom.
Your brother in Christ,
Merlin
REVISED APOLOGY June 23,2023
June 23, 2023
Dear friends and fellow workers,
I want to extend a personal apology to each along with this Child Safe Policy. I have been becoming more aware and educated regarding the damage abuse does to little lives and the long-lasting effects that result.
In hindsight I realize more than ever that I was in over my head and floundering as I was trying to understand and get up to speed with CSA (Child Sexual Abuse). I do want to apologize to the victims amongst us for my lack of understanding and the additional pain that this has caused them. I truly am sorry. The Ministry Safe Course we all took in 2021 was an eye-opener, but that was just the beginning. I want to say “thank you” to those who have constructively reached out to help me and others in the ministry who are coming from a background of zero understanding of CSA.
Now we would like each elder to distribute a copy of the Child Safe Policy to each member attending the church in their home. To address the Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) issues that have come to light in recent times, I was encouraged to seek out some professional/professing help. Three couples (similar to Acts 6) were chosen to help us and their dedication and professionalism has taken a huge load off me. Recently 13 couples representing all fields in BC attended a Zoom session to review and critique the CSA policy. Stemming from this meeting, further constructive edits were made. The policy was then reviewed by 2 lawyers and a CSA professional to ensure the children are protected and our policy is in legal compliance.
Moving forward: we are in a much stronger position to deal with CSA appropriately with more awareness and better tools:
- We want to recognize and apologize for historical cases in BC. Recently, it was wonderful to see the response to an apology from the BC ministry to an older couple who felt betrayed in the past. She was able to die with peace in her heart and he is presently attending meetings again.
- Clearer guidelines, education, and awareness that past generations did not have. I hope we all can work together to find a way through these issues in a more united way. We are aware that our enemy’s most effective tool is wedge-creating divisiveness.
- We understand that good victim therapy is expensive. We’d like to encourage victims from CSA to seek this help and if the CSA came from the BC ministry we’d like to offer to help with these costs if possible. Please feel free to bring these concerns to us for consideration.
- To help us navigate through CSA issues, communication will be better going forward. We need to accept the fact that most communication will end up on social media but despite this, we will endeavour to send out little updates more regularly to keep us all on the same page regarding things relevant to BC.
- Making conventions a safe memory maker for our youth. A victim stated that convention memories were the 5 most wonderful days of each year free from abuse.
This morning I read over the story of the man who was stripped and wounded and left half dead (Luke 10:30-35). Hopefully going forward I have learned a little more about compassion from victims who have shared their stories and instead of walking past without understanding I will have a toolbox with some oil (comfort) and wine (disinfectant for bitterness) and love to bind up wounds.
We are more thankful than ever for our innkeepers (elders & wives) who can offer rest and safety and a place of healing for the victims amongst us.
Thank you for your patience in these stormy waters and I hope I can regain your trust going forward. I do love this Kingdom and especially the youth in it and pledge to do whatever is best for the Kingdom.
Your brother in Christ,
Merlin
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“Communication will be better going forward. We need to accept the fact that most communication will end up on social media but despite this we will endeavor to send out little updates more regularly to keep us all on the same page regarding things relevant to BC”
🤔
“We need to accept that communication will end up on social media” “Despite this …”
So my interpretation is: we’d still rather not talk about any of this, but it seems we have no choice, so we’ll offer you some dribbles now and again, but probably no real information or transparency.”
I know people are going to probably say this is harsh and to “ give him credit for trying”. I say he has been given a lot of time to make things right and still there is no transparency. I could repeat this exact same wording for Alberta right now.
What specific transparency do you want? Are you meaning specific names of alleged perpetrators, actions taken, or something else? Some information sharing gets a bit “messy” because of legal requirements if there are pending charges, for example.
The people going to the meetings deserve to know who the perpetrators are. They deserve to have those perpetrators taken out of the meeting places. The perpetrators do not deserve being invited on a convention ground where there are potential victims. they should not be coming to fellowship meetings, or to any other large group gathering.
Yes, anyone who has allegations against them should have their meeting place visited and informed. People deserve transparency about why victims have been shamed, and money given to perpetrators. for that matter, about “promotion to elders, and promotion to overseer being given to known offenders. The lies that have been told about victims, and their supporters should be confessed to, and openly acknowledged. If there are pending charges, it is not against the law to tell people that they have been removed from meeting because there are pending charges.
Transparency would include the overseer(s) responding to inquiries rather than stonewalling people and just not responding to emails. In the provinces, or any area for that matter, information should not just be filtered to elders and left there as if there is a hierarchy, and no one else deserves to know.. All that happens is the talk continues sometimes without adequate information so lots of speculation. That is not good either as we’ve seen in one recent case, when a completely innocent worker, who, in fact was trying to expose sexual abuse in years past, and was removed because of it, had people speculating, and he was unable to reveal what it actually happened. Now he has come forward to bring clarity to that. But he should never have had to deal with those allegations if there had been transparency about what had happened initially. there should be open apology to the workers who have tried to help abuse victims in the past and have been stepped on and removed from the people. They are trying to help. That’s just a start. I could go on. Enough is enough, and everyone knows it, except apparently some of the overseers.
Transparency (to me) means being honest about who the predators are, being honest about any actions in the past that have covered up for predators and exposed victims to more damage, in addition to creating new victims. It means being honest about having moved known predators from area to area without any disclosure to the place they are being sent. It means being honest about there having been no regard whatsoever for the victim or what they are going through or feeling, while those victims watch a predator being elevated, promoted, and praised, even while the cries of victims are ignored. The result of those actions is most often more victims in a scenario which was preventable. It means being honest about having given money to someone with criminal charges against them, while lying and denigrating their victims. It means that if someone has allegations of CSA, which is child SEXUAL abuse, not child SAFETY abuse, it is not illegal to make people aware of that fact. What is illegal, and has happened, is that overseers, contrary to the rule of law in our country, have protected known abusers, and have not reported them. This should be completely unacceptable to all of us. Any indication that this has happened should be a reason for an overseer to step down. I would expect that if they have a love for God‘s way, they would immediately want to do this for the good of all. Actually, I would have expected that a ministry guided by the Holy Spirit, would never have done that in the first place. Jesus was very clear about children being the emblem of His kingdom. If deception and cover-up is what we are seeing in overseers, elders, or anyone else, we should recognize that we can know them by their fruit.
The ongoing desire to avoid scrutiny is a strong issue that the issues with CSA and SA are still not fixed. The absence of any meaningful changes before the friends demanded it doesn’t bode well for the next generation. I wish the overseers would commit to financial transparency, too, but they clearly have no interest in demonstrating they are trustworthy. Please consider only giving nonmonetary contributions to the ministry until there is some financial transparency and oversight.
The 2×2 apology tour would hold more weight it these types of letters were accompanied with a letter of resignation. This guy is clearly not qualified to lead anything – he admits that he is in over his head. Do the right thing and resign like those in leadership roles in “the world” do when CSA and other wrongdoing is rampant under their leadership.
Forgot to mention, but this guy is saying Jesus was an SA abuse victim on the cross? What Bible is he reading? And, conventions are now safe? This is not what the mothers in Montana are saying, with all their new CSA/SA guidelines.
This is unbelievable.
Yes, conventions are now safer than they have ever been. And new CSA/SA guidelines make conventions more safe, not less safe. I don’t I follow the Montana mothers’ logic you allude to if they think conventions are less safe due to new guidelines. If they have been comfortable taking their children to conventions in the past they should be much more comfortable taking them in the present. Awareness now is at a level never seen before. Even without guidelines, everyone is paying much more attention to unusual or suspect behavior.
I did a double take on the SA abuse on the cross comment as well.
Sorry about the confusion, mferguson. I’m not always good with words – struggled in junior high. I meant the Montana mothers did not feel convention was safe, so they issued their own guidelines. Those guidelines were posted here on Wings awhile ago. Glad to hear you think conventions are safe now. Just don’t want ANYMORE kids hurt.
Jesus was stripped and hung naked on the cross….this is abuse in my mind…I did a bit of research into Roman crucifiction….absolutely horrific….
Anonymous: The letter specifically said Jesus was “sexually abused” and I had never heard or considered that before. But upon further research after reading your comment, at least some theologians think he was sexually abused, but it’s certainly not known for sure. But maybe you were meaning you considered simply being hung naked on the cross sexual abuse, even though you only said you considered it abuse.
Merlin is still preaching for the victim’s to forgive rather than addressing the need for the abusers to show fruits of repentance (ongoing therapy, willingness to stay away from the church until they complete therapy). I guess this is another benefit of being an overseer: you can make up things that simply are not in the Bible and proclaim that God revealed it to you. I also have a revelation: Merlin is going to need to repent more than just saying he is sorry. He needs to show us he is sorry and include the entire church, not just select few couples he thinks he can control and manipulate.
2×2 Apology Tour 2023! Lol! We need to make t-shirts to wear.
Better yet-set up a stand at the conventions that have not yet been cancelled and sell apology tour t-shirts with all profits donated to the victims. Not making light of these horrible CSA crimes one bit – just a little gallows humor.
I met Max not Mac. Can’t even spell my name.
It’s positive that things are ending up on the internet – if communications and actions can’t bear scrutiny, they are wrong; it’s the 21st-century version of trying the spirits. And I wish the continued emphasis on victims forgiving their abusers would stop – how about holding the abusers accountable and letting the victims have a little peace and then see what God can work, instead?
I agree with your comments, Still Anon. Give victims a little peace and space for God to work.
Regarding forgiveness, I’m guessing what he is meaning is that forgiving is an imperative from Jesus’ teachings, and a requirement to enter heaven. We (myself firmly included!) struggle with equating forgiveness with absolving another of any consequence for their bad choices.
I think there is ample room for us to forgive while STILL holding people accountable in this lifetime. Forgiveness has a profound ability to strip a perpetrator of any residual emotional power over us. However, this does NOT mean we have to invite them back into our homes, meetings, lives, or that they won’t have legal consequences.
We can forgive but we will never forget. Those that have abused and covered up will live with the consequences of their actions now and for eternity. As the abused will live with it for life. This does not go away. It shapes a life it takes things from a person. Crimes have to be payed for they are not free.
Astounded. Balance: your confusion concerning ‘forgiveness’ in Matthew 6:15 is understandable. This is an example of the 2×2 teaching the Gospel of the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth that was only to the Nation of Israel. This is just one more example of the abuse the workers continue to perpetrate when they use Jesus’ word to the Nation of Israel (Math.5:23, :25: 2:2, 2:6: 10:5, :6, :7; and Math. 15:24; and Galatians 2:9. Luke 1:5-6; :16; 1: 32-:33; 1:68, :80; Luke 2:25, :34 to try to control you.
Or if they honestly do not know they are preaching the Gospel(=Good News) that Jesus and the 12 preached to bring that chosen Nation of Israel back to God – so that Nation could be a Nation of Priest (Exodus 19:5,6)
Peter ((in 1 Peter 2:5 an holy priesthood)) reminded those scattered from Jerusalem 30 some years later; they were still – expected to be :9 a royal priesthood and you read what was expected of them. :11 – :25.
((Peter wrote to those who believed the 12’s ministry to Israel in Acts 2:14- :39
(Acts 2:5 Jews-Devout men….) :41 believed… :42-:46 continued steadfastly in the apostles Doctrine… Doing what? You read! Is this what you NOW DO?
Our intention is for you to understand that in the Gospel of the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth preached to the Nation of Israel by Jesus and the 12 apostles to bring THAT Nation back to God::: it was necessary for them to forgive — for their salvation.
BUT when God turned from that very Government of the the Nation of Israel when they did the “unforgivable sin” = in Matthew 12:31-32:: in Acts 6:15 saw Holy Spirit in Stephen’s face 7:55-:56 of BLASPHEME of the Holy Spirit when heard him AND stoned Stephen anyway. The triune God turned from that nation and BUT NOW of Romans 3: 21 explains the Gospel Acts 9: 5, :15 God did give to Saul to preach to Gentiles.
Jesus; the risen Christ, explains through Saul(renamed Paul) in Ephesians 4:23-24– the new man, which is created in righteousness and true holiness the requirement is. :32 ….forgiving one another, EVEN as God for “Christ’s sake’ HATH(past tense) forgiven you. A rejoicing, thankful heart and soul who trusts in the Gospel of the “risen Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:1-4); Eph.4:23- :24 — will be renewed in the Spirit and :24 is explained in Eph.2:11 – :15 -:16.
Oh, what Good News to know that NOW; it is Eph.2:4-:9 and if we have not forgiven a trespass against us: “our salvation” is by the Grace of God through the faith of Christ Jesus our Lord- Romans 3:21-:24 and is not NOW determined by the Law of Moses. :22 “Unto ALL and upon All that believe” explained in :24 – :26.
So Balance: Please read and study and learn ALL of God’s word so you cannot be abused and made guilty by those who misunderstand and misuse God’s Holy Word.
Well said.
“Amen”, Still Anon…especially your last sentence. We, the victims, will forgive as we go through the long healing process, not because a worker deceptively uses scripture to tell us what to do.
What is CHILD SAFE ABUSE??? OXYMORONIC!!!
That said, the language clearly demonstrates the continuing ignorance while attempting to remedy the mess they are ill-equipped to handle. Step aside Merlin.
Exactly. I don’t believe that was done unintentionally, but if it was unintentional, then it is also further evidence of an immense lack of awareness. The exact same wording is on the welcome to the BC conventions. Is that an attempt to minimize the impact of what this actually is that we are dealing with??? Let’s call a spade a spade! CSA stands for child sexual abuse.
Abuse is an ASSAULT, calling a spade a spade.
I’m losing patience with these smoke screens. If it wasn’t for the horrific discovery of Deans trail of tears nothing would have gotten done. Known CSA/SA would have continued to be kept quiet, swept under the all encompassing wicked rug. Much still is I suspect. That where transparency is needed. The Safe Ministry Program while helpful is just CYA but no one will honestly admit that that was the motive to begin with. If anyone needs training to tell them what their basic moral instincts should be telling them then they should step down from the work and the fellowship. Those workers and friends that covered up these crimes and those who committed them do not belong in this fellowship.
Evidently, it’s much more important to chastise and/or excommunicate those that commit some of the “weightier” offences like tv’s in the home, the occasional cold beer and the wearing of pants.
Excellent, loved the comparison to the ” weightier matters ” 🤣.
What a bunch of losers in charge of blinded sheep ( in many but not all cases ). Still fighting openness and transparency.
Thank goodness he found a lost story from the bible regarding the crucification and Sexual Assault, most of us never knew that part of scripture. Or was it inspired knowledge like Irvine’s?
Platitudes, word salad, and gaslighting coming from ignorance are so painful to us.
Jesus never suffed SCA.
I know this. How? Butter and honey shall he eat so that he shall know how to choose the good and not the evil. Our children also meant to have a childhood of Godly safety so that they can do the same.
Jesus didn’t have to suffer CSA to enter into others sufferings. The Spirit of God provided that within him. The measure of the Spirit of God in a person Is evident in significant part by what measure a person can enter in to the sufferings of the least of the flock. And can align themselves to do something. Not just say ‘ depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled, not providing anything for their needs’ . Jesus is our example. Jesus always.
Does anyone know how much money Dean had with him? I heard it was in excess of $100k. For someone sent out without two coats, he was living pretty large.
I love how he references “this Kingdom”! Here we continue to see the “we (‘the Truth’) is God’s kingdom in the earth” self righteousness played out once again. The effort (lies, secrets & coverups) expended to keep this “kingdom” looking perfect is greater than the care they expend toward those hurting because of the very sick culture we were founded on 126 years ago.
The insinuation it took CSA education to realize damage to “little ones” and lifelong effects for victims is disturbing. Owning sheep, it’s our priority to care for the safety and health of the flock first, especially as a sick/hurt lamb is often quickly a dead lamb. Why would a true shepherd care for another “shepherd” who has hurt one of the flock over considering the damage to a “lamb?” The reference to Jesus being sexually abused on the cross: where is/ are those verses, please? Forgiveness is important for personal healing, but accountability facilitates healing. Gaslighting victims with incorrect scripture feels like a repeat of the past coverups rather than true change. The Word, the Spirit and Jesus/God aren’t in harmony in that statement if it’s not biblical, no?
I think we have misused the word “shepherd”, in referencing a worker as that. I think that has become “tradition” whereas Jesus sent them out as labourers (workers), as sheep amongst the wolves. Jesus came, and there is only one Shepherd.
John 10:11 “ I am the good shepherd: The good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep“.
Jesus said that. He didn’t say I am one of the good Shepherds. He said, “I am THE good shepherd“. So my suggestion is we stop thinking of them as shepherds, and stop using that term. They are just supposed to be workers amongst us, filling their place, just as we fill ours. It is when they elevate themselves that there’s a problem.
Suzanne, I agree with your concern and have expressed the same caution. I’m using the comparison of shepherd in the sense of Old Testament mouthpieces of God and am applying that to anyone in the position to make decision affecting other lives within the fellowship.
Abuse tends to happen to some of the most vulnerable at vulnerable times of lives. To turn to the assistance of the abuser while ignoring the pain of the victim is an appalling lack of awareness and empathy.
Someone said even God doesn’t give unconditional forgiveness (repentance is required). So why do the workers think the abused need to forgive unconditionally? They CAN forgive, but the abusers need to serve time and face consequences.
Yes, Jan, one of the most notorious predators of child sexual abuse molested his victim while he was sitting at the dining table with her and her entire family. It happens in the blink of an eye. Sorry to hear that anyone has been treated so cruelly by those who profess God’s love.
Since when is CSA “Child Safe Abuse?” I feel so sorry for you folks in British Columbia. If there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.
Merlin states, “ Now we would like each elder to…” you old cronies are no longer in charge of this fellowship. Stop talking and step aside. It’s time for the Elders to band together and get this ship righted. Appoint whom you elder see fit to “Oversee” if an OS is even needed in the first place.
South of your border some of us feel a sensible male worker and a sensible female worker should be OS if needed. We the people can accomplish this task. It’s time to change the guard.
Agreed. It’s time that we move on from the mediocre leadership that arrives when you have one old conservative white guy pass on the leadership to the next old conservative white guy who happens to be his favourite. This lack of diversity among overseers is part of what has gotten us into this mess.
Absolutely. The selection based on loyalty to the previous overseer is a contributing factor to all these issues.
I’m sure Mr. Affleck will never see this comment so I’m not sure this sentiment is worth sharing but here are my two cents anyway.
It is not good enough to say you weren’t educated. You are in a position of huge authority and to claim ignorance on matters as serious as child sexual abuse shows firstly, that you are not qualified to do the job you are doing, and secondly, is hypocritical of everything your so called “truth” stands for. To say you had zero understanding of child sexual abuse is a cop out, it is explained in the name. And to pretend that you didn’t know the impact that sexual abuse would have on a child is sickening. Your policies and protocols and guidelines aren’t enough. It’s too little and far too late. I don’t know how a parent, knowing how many workers have been brought to light as pedophiles, could possibly let another worker into their home ever again.
From the age of 13 until almost 4 years ago, I was drowning in addiction and self harm as a result of 2 and a half years of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of one of the “friends”. It took a miracle to save me. And God did save me. But it wasn’t the God you folks describe. I never felt peace sitting in meetings. In hindsight, possibly because there were child molesters present. What I’m trying to say here, in case it isn’t abundantly clear, is that your half apologies and your excuses, and the bare minimum you are doing now that you “understand” the severity of child sexual abuse, is not what a qualified person in a position of oversight should be saying or doing. For the good of everyone who still follows this way, please cede your position to someone who can do better.
Jan, Your sentiment is always worth sharing. Your voice is valuable and needs to be heard by all. Never let it be silenced.
Praise God for the miracle of saving you.
I’m sorry but your post is ignorant. If you think that having no worker in your home means your child is safe you are very ill informed. We can see that many of the abuses reported have been something that can take a few moments. How as a parent do you PREVENT?
Even after all the training you might still have an abuser in your home. You have read enough of the stories to see that an abuser could be an uncle, auntie, a brother, a father, a mother and that’s not even thinking of peer level abuse and the abuse that is very prevalent online.
I see a lot of people thinking that an abuser in a meeting setting is a risk… they are very low risk. Your child is at risk when they are alone, whether that be on their phone or in their home or elsewhere.
If we want to PREVENT we need to start detaching ourselves from all the emotion (yes that’s tough, I get it) and we need to focus on solutions and risk reduction.
If an elder hugs a woman inappropriately what action will you take? Write a letter to the state? To the country? To the world?
This isn’t simple!
I’m sorry, but calling someone else’s post ignorant is somewhat the same. Truthfully, when you call someone else ignorant, you are also not “detaching yourself from all the emotion” as you are recommending. People are speaking up here with their feelings, and people are upset, confused, and angry. Sometimes a predator in the meeting might, unbeknownst to the rest of the gathering, be another person’s abuser. You are right, this is not simple, however, denigrating someone else for their opinion isn’t ideal either. Just sayin’.
My own opinion is that I would not want to see workers not welcome our homes, We still have very good honest workers. However, there needs to be a clean up in open honest transparency so that those workers are trustworthy. I think we are getting a very clear picture right now of who those trustworthy workers are.
A predator in meeting IS a risk. Obviously they’re not molesting during meeting, but there is a lot of grooming that goes on before and after meetings. Not only are they grooming children, they’re spending a lot of time grooming their parents. Best to not have them in meeting at all.
A lack of diversity, lack of compassion, and a lack of merit. I am tired of our friends being treated as a source of food, money, and lodging while the overseers hoard money in secret accounts. The overseer system does not work because the overseers are not capable of the task of administering the earthly kingdom. More disturbingly, the overseers just still don’t get it and this message inappropriately minimizes the victim’s trauma by emphasizing forgiveness without any evidence of true repentance. The overseers are offering a bandaid (CSA policies) when surgery is needed. Even Abraham saw there was a time to let someone else take on what was necessary. Gen. 17:7. Be careful friends and faithful workers. Keep your eyes open. “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matt. 7:15-20.
I would like to clarify that I am not in fact ignorant, as my own abuser was a close friend of my family, a grandfather figure to me. And your comment about having abusers in meeting is ignorant, because mine was in my Sunday morning, gospel, and Wednesday night meetings and he found a way to molest me at every turn.
I also did not say that not having workers in the home means children are safe. I said that in light of the information regarding 30+ workers being pedophiles and sex offenders, I don’t know how people would still be comfortable allowing any workers into their home.
I am a parent of two children and the way I prevent abuse to my children is by protecting them. I take all precautions. They are never left alone with anyone, family member or otherwise. I educate my children. And that still doesn’t mean they will never be harmed but I am doing everything I can to prevent it. But yes if an elder was inappropriate with someone, that elder should have consequences. Zero tolerance should mean zero tolerance. This is not coming from a place of just emotion, but if you are not emotional regarding sexual abuse of children then that is part of the problem. Everyone should be angry, and passionate about changing this disgusting problem.
Anyone who would attack a victim of CSA like Jan or any other, is a disgrace and ought to be ashamed of themselves.
“It Needs To Improve”
You wrote: “ I see a lot of people thinking that an abuser in a meeting setting is a risk… they are very low risk. Your child is at risk when they are alone, whether that be on their phone or in their home or elsewhere.”
There are many victims that have been abused in their own home while not alone, at the dinner table, surrounded by family or in the pool, surrounded by friends and family, or in the bathroom and halls of gospel meetings. There is risk.
Also, please also do not call abuse victims ignorant. Their story is their lived experience, their feelings are valid, their concerns are from their lived experiences and are valid, and are not yours to judge.
The problem with the meeting situation is not the presence/absence of immediate danger, it is the opportunity for grooming.
It is also triggering for victims of all ages to share a space with an abuser in an intimate setting like a fellowship meeting.
Sometimes you don’t need to hear their excuses or what they have to say for themselves because their actions
already spoke the truth.
I must say there is NO way for me to buy into his apology as anything but a manipulation.
He stated: “coming from a background of zero understanding of CSA” Was he not raised in America and knows, what everyone knows: that rape and child molestation are illegal? So he wants to play the ignorance card?
But then he undermines his own play by comparing the suffering and torturing of Jesus on the cross with what the victims have sustained by workers and elders! What a manipulation of the victims via guilt and a hint of slipping into eternity “a free spirit” (if the victims forgive their assailants) to compare them to Jesus.
Jesus came down to earth to die for our sins. He and God knew how cruelly the humans would treat Him.
ALL of the victims in this church had no idea the evil that lurks amongst us.
This has the flavor of criminal manipulation and the displacement of responsibility back onto the victims. This is how people with anti-social personality traits operate…
I am a CSA victim and then suffered abuse in all forms as an adult and I can say from my heart that in the moments I felt most powerless and helpless and hopeless, it gave me the greatest comfort to think of Jesus. In excruciating pain and still understanding, “they know not what they do”
This didn’t excuse the hideous abuse or the abuser but it helped me have peace in a situation I never asked for or wanted or expected. We grasp onto whatever comfort/hope/peace we can get and people who have not been abused don’t get to choose the method we used to cope.
Isn’t this what Merlin is saying? He’s just addressing that sexual abuse victims can enter into the pain and unjust suffering that Jesus did. Not that we should feel guilty and are obligated to forgive..
By the way, he’s also human. Who amongst us can say that we would have done things any differently in his position? When we know better, we do better. We can show a little grace and mercy for his past, ignorant mistakes since there’s not one of us who hasn’t made any.