Tag: sexual immorality

WINGS Note: This relates to the letter posted at https://wingsfortruth.info/2023/08/09/preparing-for-convention-at-clever-mo/

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With knowledge comes responsibility. We take our responsibility of hosting convention seriously, and we acknowledge that there are liabilities involved. We are thankful for the victim-survivors and others who have made us acutely aware of the safety concerns among us. With this knowledge, we must act to make changes. One of which is providing a safer environment for people to gather.

We will be putting in place the following guidelines to ensure we are doing all we can to create a more Safe and Edifying environment for God’s people to worship and have fellowship.*

1. Known Sexual Predators (Convicted/Accused/Alleged) will be barred from entering the Clever Convention Grounds.
2. We will not permit access to the convention grounds by anyone (including Workers) who has knowingly allowed a predator to continue to cause harm (EG: falling to warn Friends, covering up, or moving a sexual predator to another location).
3. We recommend that all individuals and families create a personal safety plan prior to arriving on the Grounds. Caregivers should review their safety plan with their children and educate them about all safety issues (including Fire, Natural Safety, as well as Personal safely).
4. Each child is to have a designated adult responsible for their care. Caregivers must monitor the safety and welfare of their children at all times
   1. Children will not be permitted to stay in the bunks without a caregiver — if you need help finding accommodations for your family, please reach out to us as soon as possible.
   1. Caregivers must monitor their children in the playground area, bathrooms, etc.
5. We will be assembling a Safety Monitoring Team, which will be responsible for addressing Security and Safety concerns:
6. A Dorm Dad/Mom will be assigned to provide more safety in Sleeping areas
7. Safety Rounds on grounds day and night
   1. 6am- 10pm: 10-15 safety monitors available at all times
   1. 10pm-6am: One male, one female

Two-hour shifts with rounds to monitor all areas for safety, including camper areas, bathrooms, and empty buildings (meeting shed, dining shed, cookhouse, etc)

• Members of the Safety Monitoring Team will:
  • Complete Ministry Safe and Mandatory Reporting Training
  • Have proper education on Child Safety
  • Be identified via a distinct method (EG: lanyard, etc)
• There will be a strict 10:00 pm curfew. No one may to enter dorms or grounds after 10:00pm
  • Possibly all dorm doors are locked at 10:00pm to prevent entry (for safety reasons, the exit will still be available).
• Campers/ tent/ Parking Lot areas
• Security Cameras
• Specific monitoring team designated for these areas
• No Wifi will be available on the grounds during preps or Convention.
• All Workers attending Clever Convention must have Ministry Safe Training, Mandatory Reporter training and be aware of and willing to address the issues of SA and CSA in our fellowship.

‘This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of all safety procedures. We are actively working to develop and finalize a more complete policy for our convention.

08/04/2023

Dear Friends,

We had a heartfelt meeting with Craig yesterday and feel reassured that he will lead us with Godly wisdom as we move forward with our convention plans this year.

Craig shared with us some information from the recent Overseers Meeting. He stated that each regional Overseer has freedom and responsibility to develop their region’s policies (including how to deal with SA and CSA) and that there is no intention to establish a unified policy. We’re comforted by the knowledge that Craig was given the authority to work with all of us to put policies in place that meet the needs of the people in our region, and is actively working on that.

We believe Craig understands the gravity of this responsibility and feel a bond of unity to work with him on this. During our meeting, while discussing our distress about wrong actions of the past, Craig said, “SA and CSA will stop with me.” He is adamant that our region has victim-survivor focused policies to create long-term solutions that protect the Friends and support victim-survivors.

We realize that we deeply need our convention this year. We intend to move forward with our convention; to do that, we must be confident that we can do our part in keeping all of you safe. We will be finalizing a safety plan in the next few weeks to create a safer environment and identify what is needed to implement it.

In addition to the safety plan, we are working with victim-survivors and others to make changes that will create a more physically and spiritually safe environment for all. Convention may look similar with camper and overnight stays, etc., but this does not mean it will be ‘business as usual.’ We stand firm in our decision that no alleged abusers or those who have been responsible for covering up abuse will be allowed to attend our convention. The past few months have changed all of us in different ways: we may each be at a different place in our journey, but we have grown from where we were four months ago.

We, and Craig, are concerned that we may be unable to complete safety measures and prepare convention grounds in time for our convention. We are aware we need help, even more than in previous years. If you have mandatory reporting training or education on child safety and would like to volunteer to help with convention safety, please reach out. We gladly welcome, and appreciate your help in both regards.

Sincerely,

Lecil and Gaby T

WINGS Note: The Northern NM notes immediately below were prepared and distributed by the workers. A second section has informal White Rock notes, prepared by a person present.

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Summary- Not Verbatim- 6 pm July 3, 2023

Elder’s Wife prayed in audible voice.

The facilitators asked permission to be the facilitators, then started the meeting saying, “our role is to assure that the norms will be upheld and we want to respect the voices of all who are present.” The purpose is to discuss child sexual assault and sexual assault (CSA/SA). The ministry safe course defines CSA/SA as any tricked, forced, manipulated or coerced sexual activity for the pleasure of the abuser. Is the definition clear or would you like us to go into additional detail? It can be an emotional or mental abuse. Sexual abuse is an issue of epidemic proportions within our society and it has infiltrated our fellowship as well. We want to explain that we do have a note taker and we will be writing up a summary and sharing with everyone who had interest in attending this session. Names will not be included and we request confidentiality. If anyone present does decide to publish or post about our session online, please refrain from using names out of respect for those present. The same applies if anyone wants to record this.

There is a letter available that describes one woman’s personal experience with CSA. It is a hard letter to read, but also heartfelt. If you don’t know what this experience is like, it would be helpful to read the letter. This is not mandatory. This letter is not to be put online; we want to be respectful. She was willing to share the letter that we could understand.

Workers began with an apology.

We would like to begin by apologizing. As workers, we have been charged with the responsibility of caring for the Lord’s sheep. We have failed in that responsibility and we ask for your forgiveness. In Peter’s last conversation with Jesus, the Lord said, “if you love me, feed and shepherd my sheep.” Part of the responsibility of shepherding is providing a safe environment. We acknowledge that some things are beyond our ability to control, but there are certain dangers, such as CSA, that we can mitigate through education and awareness. By availing ourselves and others in our fellowship with training and educational resources, we purpose to do everything we can to eliminate CSA from our fellowship. Ignorance is not an excuse, though it is a reason why certain issues have slipped under the radar. We will no longer allow ignorance about CSA to be a reason for abuse to exist in our fellowship. When we know better, we can do better. Repentance means to change. An apology without repentance is hollow. Repentance requires an acknowledgment of failure coupled with a desire to change. We are here to listen to your concerns, and to try to answer your questions. 

Facilitator: Are there any questions? 

Brother: I do not keep up with news. I am not conscious of how wide spread this is. Is it in every state?

Worker response: One case is too many with CSA. If you have gone through the ministry safe course, you learned it goes through every age, race, culture, religion, and economic sector. We expect to be better, but we fail. CSA is carried on from generation to generation. At least 60- 70% of all abusers have been abused also. The problem has to do with power and trying to get power, it’s not just a sexual problem. Of my 12 years in Texas, I have not known of one case of workers being accused of CSA/SA. If there have been cases, I hope some will let us know. There are 30 workers, which multiplied by 12 would be 360 worker years. We have tried to educate people here in Texas. I cannot say about other states.

Question: What steps are being taken?  

Worker response: Ministry safe training helps us recognize the red flags. It’s hard to counter abuse we do not know about. In the past, it has been assumed that workers knew, when they did not know sometimes. There could have been cases, I did not know about. This applies to workers and friends.

Sister: Anyone with a meeting in their home has been asked to take the ministry safe course. This training helps prevent CSA. We learn about grooming. Statistics say that abusers target not only children, but those who care for children. We are all responsible to recognize red flags. 

Brother: I was abused by a brother worker in 1965. When he stayed with my family he slept in my room. My parents fully trusted workers; he and my dad were very close friends. I never talked about it until the CSA/SA scandal. Abuse can happen so quickly, I was 14 years old, a farm boy, I did not know abuse even existed. My father would not have believed me. It was not a subject that we ever even talked about.

Workers’ response: The Ministry Safe course is not the whole answer. Each one must be accountable to one another, and to God. One result of the workshop here in TX was more awareness and openness talking about abuse issues. One thing we decided is that we will never have a worker alone in a bedroom with someone’s child.  Workers will avoid being alone with a child without awareness or presence of a parent. The typical way abuse happens is because parents had confidence in the predator because of grooming. We are educating parents to be watchful at home and at school.

Facilitator: Thank you for sharing your experience. Abusers have a very set behavior getting people to feel comfortable with them. Also, they are very good about keeping victims silent. That’s how it was able to go on such a long time with CSA/SA. There are other ways abusers have power. We learned 95% of children that speak about being abused are telling the truth, but very few will ever say anything. Everyone’s voice will be respected. This tragedy is largely against women and children. Respecting the voices of women and children is very important.

Sister: What are you doing to protect our children? 

Worker response: We are being educated. In our workshop, we learned the long-lasting effect of CSA, the need for trained counselors and the importance of not questioning the child about the abuse. We must refer the case to trained advocates. Our part is to be watching. We are more aware of watching for red flags. In this ministry we have opportunity to observe the home life. We need to be telling parents to teach their children proper names for the private parts of the body, in case some abuse happens. Private parts are private.

Question: Concerning workers who travel alone?

Worker response: We are avoiding traveling alone as much as possible. We are accountable for our co-worker. We are making each other accountable as workers. We each have a phone that gives our location, so our co-worker knows where the other one is when we are apart, for instance at doctor’s appointments or walking. But in the homes, we will not visit in the home without our coworkers, or until there will be 2 adults (For example: one worker or two workers and one adult). Last year I was on the list as having a co-worker later, and then there was not a co-worker later. Going forward, we will put 3 names on the list together. Jesus sent us out two together, and two and two is the pattern.  But at times there were 3 and sometimes Paul was alone. 

Sister: Expressed concern about supervision if a predator comes into a meeting.

Worker response: If a known predator comes into a meeting, tell an elder or a worker. We are committed to following our published guidelines for those circumstances. Concern was expressed about restoring privileges to the victims. In the past, it seemed to some that we were partial to the predator. We want to restore privileges to the victims, and in doing so we are taking a stand about things we will not tolerate in our fellowship. 

Facilitator: All of our actions have consequences. If abusers are repentant, they will accept consequences for their actions.

Brother: There is a very high risk that a pedophile will repeat the crime, because it is a mental disease.

Brother: Expressed concerns about past abuse and some guilty ones who were not punished by the law and are still in the fellowship?

Worker response: Wrong is wrong and must be addressed. When we hear a case, we assume it’s a fact. Every adult is legally required to report abuse. In some cases where the law does not prosecute, but if there still seems to be evidence of abuse, we are taking measures that will be executed within the specific church. We want all in the meeting to feel comfortable, the elders, the congregation, and the workers. 

Sister: When a child is abused, it’s difficult to ask them to relive their trauma during an investigation. 

Sister: That’s part of the problem. Abuse must be reported. 

Worker response: The proper process is report. Get professional help and allow them to work with the child which usually prevents the child from having to make multiple statements. It’s not just workers but often it’s relatives that abuse or other adults who harm a child. It needs to be taken first to the authorities, then to the workers. 

Facilitator read question: Question concerning the misuse of funds. Will a committee be formed to monitor finances?

Worker response: When we have funds that are more than we need, I give them to some of our friends who keep it in their name. They then would send it to workers overseas, or to someone in need, or to help workers at Pecan Grove. At least two Friends are named on each account. They know what it’s used for. We have funds in our pocket also.

Question: Would it be feasible to have different accounts and use debit cards instead of doing all in cash, so there is a record of receipts and expenditures?

Brother: If I thought funds would be misused, I would not contribute. I contribute because I feel God has moved me and I trust the one I give it to.

Facilitator read Question: Is there talk of any type of victim compensation?

Worker response: Privately we have given to victims. Hopefully we can develop some kind of account that there could be funds given as there’s a need.

Sister: Matt. 7:22 came to mind.  Do not judge.  Our judgment often is iniquity. That’s what we think and unless I know all about the situation it’s my own thinking. “Lord, we have prophesied…we have cast out devils…it is as their own judgment. My judgement is not good.  I will trust God’s judgment.

Worker response: Part of being merciful is keeping our brother from temptation. What we know about pedophiles is that they do not often rehabilitate.  We need to protect our children.

Worker response: Jesus words in Mt 7 help us understand that only by asking our Father can we do unto others as we would have them do unto us.  Only as we obey what he says to us, can we enter in at the straight gate that leads to life, and thus have judgement from above.

Worker response: One of the steps we have made is to set some guidelines. We need to be thoughtful of those who do not get email, and print out information for them. If we had written this six months ago it would be different now, because we know more. Here are some guidelines we have learned.

1. Do not take a child in a room alone. We have followed that rule for years now.
2. Never have a child over 6-8 months old in your lap unless parents say it’s OK.
3. Resources for red flag behavior site. Examples so people can know what they are.
4. Encourage people to take the safe ministry course.
5. Provide links to the resources.

There are definitions, for what is secrecy, privacy and confidentiality.  

• Secrecy: Secrecy is the desire to hide or withhold consequential, shameful information. The information in question negatively impacts the fellowship or another person. The practice of secrecy generally implies that appropriate disclosure of the information is necessary. Secrecy as described above is breeding ground for corruption and abuse of others. 
• Privacy: Every individual has a right to privacy of his/her personal information for which there is no legitimate public concern or interest. Privacy: includes a person’s right to control access to his/her own information for which there is no legitimate public concern. 
• Confidentiality: Refers to the obligation to protect sensitive or private information from being disclosed to unauthorized parties. It involves a promise or agreement to keep certain information that has been entrusted to your care. 

Someone asked for a list of all accused of CSA. That is not legal. In a few weeks a judicial advocate will help us learn what we can publish and what we cannot (about abusers).

Secrecy, a point where it must be exposed to somebody. If you knew your child was guilty of this crime, you cannot be secretive about it. Sometimes we cannot expose, as in the case of no charges being made or we are liable to the law, especially concerning minors. 

This is an ongoing process. This is the end of this discussion here, but there will be ongoing discussion. Discuss things with a worker you trust. There will likely be other sessions. 

Prayer to close by a Brother.

Some expressed gratitude for the meeting. Others expressed that the workers should not bear the guilt because of the wrongs others have done. 

Worker response: If you feel responsible, or if you feel guilty for others, it is like Ezra and Nehemiah when they said we have sinned. The fact that it’s part of our ministry makes it appropriate that we enter into that guilt. It’s the same spirit that Moses had and he did not want God to destroy the people.

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White Rock Listening Session

Not 100% verbatim

This is in addition to the notes taken by a worker in attendance so I won’t duplicate if possible.

Worker: Is anyone using a tape recorder? If so, we need to know. No one replied in the affirmative of having a recorder. We have a designated (worker) to take notes, which everyone here will receive a copy.

Copying worker: Please speak slowly as I don’t write very fast (chuckles).

Worker: ________ will be the moderator. We will take a break in about an hour or so and then continue again.

Moderator: Welcomed everyone. Please be respectful and courteous. There’s some questions written down here and I will read them.

1st question: Are workers using donations for legal advice? If so, that seems likely to cause a perception of workers vs congregants.

Worker response: Hesitating…well yes. It’s being used to get legal wording in our directives.

Member: Are the funds being used for legal advice for any worker being accused of any type of sexual abuse?

Worker: Didn’t directly answer the question and then asked “are you saying we shouldn’t get/pay for legal advice for proper wording”?

Member: That’s not the point. The point is I don’t believe anyone would want their donation to be used for defending a sexual abuser, which is why there’s a need for financial transparency.

Moderator: Next question is about forming a committee for oversight/transparency purposes.

Worker: There’s no need for committee upon committee. It’s not needed.

Member: I was inappropriately sexually touched by a male worker when I was 14/15 years old in 1965. He got into my bed during the night and pushed his genitals up against my buttocks. I was petrified and didn’t move, hoping he would think I was asleep. He was there for what seemed like a long time, but in reality was probably a minute or two. He then left and went back to the twin bed in my room. No other advances were made. This was 58 years ago. No, I didn’t report it, because no one would have believed me. The worker and my father sang duets at gospel meetings. We were taught to never question anything the workers said, because it was as if whatever they said was straight from the mouth of God. I was terrified of workers at that time/age.

Worker: Grooming is what abusers do to gain trust. More discussion regarding grooming.

Member: The worker was never in our field and only in our home the one time which may have been special meeting rounds.

Worker: He groomed your father to trust him. Parents need to be more responsible in knowing where their children are to avoid abuse situations.

Worker: Tell the children to use correct wording when describing where and how they were touched. More discussion.

Member: I am getting upset when I hear workers basically blaming parents for their children getting abused by those they’re supposed to trust. What were my parent supposed to do…stand by my bed all night long? Trust was basically demanded/expected by the workers back then.

Workers: Apologies made.

Member: I’m not here for sympathy. I’m here to promote and ask for real and meaningful change. I’ve survived for 58 years so I’m reasonably confident I will survive for the rest of my life.

Member: What is the timeline for implementing changes to prevent abuse instead of just how to report it? The damage is already done is something has to be reported.

Worker: We really don’t have a timeline as we’re having more listening sessions in Texas in August.

Member: I believe there needs to be financial oversight. Had Dean Bruer’s expenses been able to be tracked, I sincerely believe he would’ve been stopped long before he died.

Worker: I don’t really see how that would help.

Member: I suggest that 1 or 2 bank accounts be established where all donations can either be done in person or via Venmo or any of several reliable electronic transfer apps.

Member: Yes, we’re going to a cashless society.

Member: Then each worker would be given a debit card specific for them. This way expenditures could easily be tracked for accountability/transparency. The debit cards would be restricted in that no cash withdrawals could be made, in order to protect against wrongful use.

Worker: I personally would be ok with doing it that way.

Worker: There’s two accounts set up in two of the friends names. We always receive more money that’s required for convention, so the excess goes into those accounts for travel and medical expenses. Those friends are notified of the request for funds and the funds are disbursed.

Member: So there’s no actual paper trail of requests, it’s just all verbal?

Worker: Yes.

Worker to member: ______, would you be willing/ok to do something like that? 

Member: I will continue to give cash money whenever God moves me to do so. I don’t have a problem with how it’s now done.

Member: That’s not the point. Give whenever you want, just do it so funds can be traced. Then you don’t see the possibility of how funds were misused because there was no traceability/accountability?

Member: No response.

Member: There would be at least 4 trusted members who would get the monthly account statements to monitor for any questionable expenditures.

Worker: Any money you give and if it’s misused, then that’s not on you, it’s on the person that misuses the funds.

Member: But how/what are the plans to prevent abuse situations from happening?

Worker: We will watch each other closer. All workers have to take the Ministry Safe course and all New Mexico workers have.

Member: There’s been many times over the years that workers are sent alone to homes, such was the case with me in 1965.

Worker: I will not be doing that in the future. There will always be two together. We will not be alone in any room with children. I personally will stop holding children on my lap unless they’re basically babies/toddlers.

Member: Ministry Safe has been available for 15 years. Why does there have to be a course taken to recognize sexual abuse of any type is wrong? I know Ministry Safe teaches how to recognize perpetrators grooming methods etc. etc.

Worker: We are working towards rebuilding trust.

Member: Trust will be very difficult for some to give. Real change will help.

Worker: We plan to have follow up sessions in the future.

Member: There’s been some false allegations, correct?

Worker: Yes, a lady that had been abused by a man who, when he patted her on the back was “doing something up front” (they couldn’t say fondling breasts). When this same lady saw someone else pat a woman on the back, the lady was triggered and reported him for abuse, which was proven to not have happened.

Member: Right, we’re just taking the accusers’ word for what happened and there’s no proof anything happened.

Member: What king if proof do you require? What would satisfy you beyond a reasonable doubt that abuse had happened?

Member: Silent.

Member: That’s one of the main reasons that victims don’t come forward, because we won’t be believed, even by elders. Why do you think I waited 58 years?

Member: Silent.

Worker: 98% of the CSA cases reported by children are found to be true. 60-70% of the perpetrators have also been abused.

Member: I mostly because upset because Dean Bruer told me that I couldn’t participate in meetings because I’d been divorced and remarried. He said Jesus didn’t approve and neither do I/we. Yet Dean was ok with what he’d been doing for decades by engaging in illicit and possibly criminal behaviors. Very double standard. We had received approval from our elder and overseer George Petersen before we were married. There’s no unity regarding this.

Worker: I knew a lady that had been divorced and remarried. I told her I knew she wasn’t committing adultery. That’s why you need us workers to stand in the gap and take the consequences(?) meant for you. There are those who want to see this ministry completely destroyed and then who would be there for you?

June 16, 2023 

Dan Lawty,

There have been multiple allegations that you have engaged in consensual sexual relationships with several adult females while serving as a worker in Alaska and Washington. The status of these women varied from married, attending meetings and in the ministry. Although this behavior is not criminal in Alaska, it is a violation of biblical and ethical standards that are embraced across a variety of professions, including ministers and clergymen, and is illegal in many states. This is conduct unbecoming to a minister of God.

While serving as the overseer for the State of Alaska, you failed to adequately respond to several requests to address concerns regarding children being in a meeting with a known sex offender. There were multiple requests made by the family to be reassigned to a different Sunday morning meeting after this same convicted sex offender’s conduct made them uncomfortable. You failed to reply in a timely manner and did not communicate regarding your negligence. You failed to respond when the convicted offender did not abide by your decision and still showed up at meeting. You did not truthfully communicate with affected persons about the status of the situation and did not truthfully communicate with the family regarding the magnitude of the opposition to this decision. You made multiple commitments to communicate openly regarding this situation and failed to do that in any capacity, resulting in the chaos that ensued.

While serving as the overseer for Alaska, you failed to adequately inform and protect attendees at the Wasilla convention in 2022. You had been previously informed of an individual whose past history of sexual misconduct involved multiple minors. This individual was assigned to night patrols during the convention in 2022 and attended a recreational co-ed overnight social gathering at a remote cabin after convention. Parents were not advised of the exposure to risk. Appropriate safety measures were not put in place and previous victims were not told of his attendance at Wasilla convention.

Your past history with Linda Borders and Richard Schober is altering your ability to make sound decisions that involve them.

Due to your inability to perform the necessary responsibilities of protecting women and children in your congregation, we are requesting that you be placed or willingly place yourself on administrative leave until these allegations can be investigated by professionals. It is not appropriate to continue preaching to a congregation until these allegations can be resolved.

With respect and concern for the flock,

Simon and Jennifer Ford  

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In the interest of clarity and completeness, I am compelled to write this in a complete story to hopefully avoid confusion. Many have asked specific questions or know part of the story and sometimes this leads to conclusions that are not accurate and assumptions due to not having the whole story. This was our experience with a convicted pedophile in meeting with our children.

Last fall, in September 2022, we were informed by our overseer, DL, that there were going to be some meeting changes. I expressed a mild level of sadness as we love our meeting, but said I was willing for a change knowing that our meeting is very large and quite often goes over the hour time frame. I have a large family and 6 of my children now take part so I understood the need to make the meeting smaller. I did not hear this from DL, but a friend told me that we were going to be put in a meeting with RS. I reached out to DL and told DL that I wanted to talk to my family about it because we had already, years earlier, decided to not be in Wednesday bible study with RS. DL Iet me know that it had been 40 years since he had been in jail and that he had not been a problem in the meetings. He also told me that there had already been two families in that meeting with small children and he was looking to put another family in that meetings. He explained that the small children were loud and it was interfering with feedback in some that wore hearing aids and that my children were all old enough to be quiet in the meeting. My husband and I told DL that we would like to meet with RS, as all I knew about RS at the time was that he had molested his daughter and gone to prison. My husband and I met with DL and RS on September 30, 2022. RS told us about his abuse of his daughter and spent much time telling us about the sex offender program that he completed and he felt that he was one of the 2% success rate. He told us that he comes to meeting early and leaves right after and does not participate in the socializing afterwards. I told him of my own CSA experience by my father and told him that I am very sensitive to this issue and that I “would be watching” him to which he replied, “And well you should.” We told DL that we would be willing to try it, DL assured me that if I was uncomfortable, he would move us out and RS said if I was uncomfortable that he would go to another meeting. I felt satisfied with those conditions. At the end of this meeting, as we were all standing to leave RS blurted out a whole string of additional information. He said he had molested more children than he could count, probably hundreds. He said he had hung out at parks and schools and molested kids that were off on their own and sometimes molested several in a day. My husband and I were shocked and horrified but we had been convinced that he had gone through the program and that he had been rehabilitated.

The day after that conversation, RS called me to see if I was okay and said he knew it was traumatic to talk about. I was not comfortable with him calling me, but he did seem to be just reaching out in care and I wanted to be kind. He called a couple more times in the next few weeks and shared some poetry and thoughts he had. Again, I was uncomfortable but felt like I was overreacting and didn’t want to make a big deal about it. The first meeting in the home was fine and RS did what he said he would do. A few weeks into the arrangement, I was gone on a trip and when I returned RS called me to ask if I had a problem with my children passing the emblems in meeting. I said that we didn’t prohibit them and he proceeded to explain in great detail which of my boys passed the emblems past one of their siblings. He described the physical features and the shade of hair color so specifically that I knew exactly which boys he was describing. I assured him again that my husband and I do not have a hang up about our children passing the emblems, I said that I wasn’t there and didn’t know what he was talking about. After I hung up, it hit me. . . why was he watching my boys when the emblems were being passed?? He doesn’t even sit by them. But, again, I didn’t want to raise a fuss about a little thing so I didn’t say anything. As the weeks went by he started pushing the boundaries more and more. My nine year old came up after meeting and said RS shook his hand after meeting. This happened a number of times with different children and I was noticing that he always shook the hands with the children that were with an older sibling or on the other side of the room from me. My children had been instructed to not leave the house until RS Ieft, but when we saw him leave, we let the children go out to the car. RS started going out the door and then hanging around outside and speaking to the children. RS was also attempting to control the length of the meeting. He passed the microphone and said the meeting had already gone past time and then the next week he let us all know at the beginning of the meeting that he wasn’t going to take part but was just going to listen. My large family, who is over half the meeting, felt like he was attempting to correct us. I have no problem with an elder or worker giving us correction about our testimony length, but it felt very out of line for him to assume that role. At this point I was uncomfortable enough that I wanted out. I asked if we could meet with DL again, he agreed and we met the day after I texted him on Monday, March 20th. DL heard my concerns, said he was sorry that it didn’t work out, and expressed frustration at RS. I asked about changing meetings and he said, “Well, it is complicated” I assumed it was due to our family size, but he didn’t say as much, but I reminded him that RS said he would move. Again DL, said it wasn’t that easy. I asked if RS could be part of the call in meeting that Alaska has for remote individuals. DL said that, yes, that was a good idea. He would have RS call into meeting and not come in person. I said, “No, I don’t mean call into our meeting, I mean the remote bush Alaska meeting. I don’t want to have him listening to my kids’ testimonies.” DL told me a bit forcefully, “I don’t want to introduce him to another meeting!” I was realizing that this was not as easy of a decision as it had seemed to be when we met in September. DL asked us for more time to think about it as he didn’t want to make a rash decision. We agreed to giving him some time. The Thursday that same week, was when one of my adult sons forwarded me the letter regarding Dean. Due to the understandable load put on DL after this news broke, DL asked for more time to make a decision regarding RS. I was trying to be patient and understanding but RS was becoming more and more assertive. He had asked my 21 year old daughter and her boyfriend out to dinner, helped my 17 year old daughter brush the snow off her car, and multiple times had followed my older children to the car attempting to talk to them. We have older children with their own cars and often times they let a sibling ride with them. RS consistently attempted to contact the younger children when they were with the older siblings. My family was on high alert and my younger children had been instructed to run away from him if they saw him, but we were getting really stressed out even when we noticed that he was often watching them intently. After much begging and pleading with DL he finally arranged for us to meet with RS. At my request, I wanted to meet with RS face to face and tell him why I was not comfortable. Just a few hours before we were supposed to get together, DL called and changed the time and location to a home of an elderly lady that is an advocate for RS. I was very uncomfortable with that arrangement but also wanted to get the conversation over as it had now been 4 weeks since we asked DL for a meeting change. I asked my husband if he would bring his audio recorder. I was expecting RS to apologize, agree to a meeting change and then turn around and say he didn’t agree. I was not prepared for what happened at that meeting. I clearly stated the reasons that I was uncomfortable and RS never did address the issues l brought up but some of the things he said to my husband and I were:

“We can always look back… on decisions. ..the very first thing we need to do (pointing finger at me) we need to look at what part we played In it and go from there, forward.

“If shaking hands with your children is inappropriate, then excuse me”

“Look back forty years to your behavior, your behavior, is there something back there? Forty years, that’s forty years ago. And you do not believe that God has healed me and taken care of . . . “

“I said I would not touch them inappropriately. I have not done that.”

“Okay, okay lets go, lets go to the Bible, ok? What is the word of God and it’s the word of God, says if you have a problem with a brother, what are you supposed to do?”

I replied, “RS, we met with you in the fall” RS said, “okay, and you didn’t express any concern about this and you went to DL. And you didn’t come to me. You’re guilty!” (Pointing finger again at me)

“I’m really sorry that you feel that way.” (said to me)

“And it’s about me. I’m the one on the cross here. Sunday afternoon…   Sunday evening, after that meeting, and I have. ..and I got hopefully DL and Sean— will vouch for me on this— that I have always left. I have not included myself in your little circle of hugging and shaking hands with everybody. I exit. Always exit— right after meeting. Is that not true, DL?”

DL: That’s. ..that’s what I see.

SF: Did you come back into the breezeway after you. ..you went out to your car?

RS: I did. I was waiting for someone to give something to me. And you know what I saw when I came back in?

SF: My daughter?

RS: I saw Levi. I saw Levi out on the step, I saw Hannah out in the snow, playing in the snow, I did not see either one of you and if I had children…

JF: We are not the ones being called into correction right now.

RS: Don’t you Interrupt me. Don’t you interrupt me!

SF: (to JF) Oh, that’s…

JF: (to SF) Just let it be.

RS: Okay, the thing was, if I would have had children then if I had such strong feelings about a child molester. . .

JF: (softly) You did have children, RS.

RS: …in the meeting, they would have been by my side, so there would not ever have been a chance that he would even get close. I have, I walk, I have walked by and I have raised…

JF: (to DL) DL, can we be done, please? DL, can we please be done? I can’t. . .can we be done?

SF: RS, you literally molested your children, and you’re telling us we’re not good parents? JF: Hannah innocently ran out to pick me a DLdelion and you are chastising me. Yes, and we all have been…

SF: You went to prison for molesting your children and you’re telling us that you would have protected them? Really?

JF: (to DL) DL can we just be done? Can we be done please?

RS: (to SF) Yes.   Please leave. Please leave. You’re accusing me of…  

SF: Of something that’s been proven beyond a reasonable doubt!

RS: …and I have served my time. Do you know how long I’ve served?

SF: Yeah, you told me.

RS: And you have forgot, have you not…   and you have forgot that God has forgiven me, healed me,  (indistinguishable)

DL very passively asked RS if he would be willing to call in to the meeting. RS said, “NO, I have been outcast. I’ve been cut off. I’ve been kicked out of meeting. ..Not share in the emblems… not be in the presence of God”.

This meeting with RS was extremely stressful and I was having triggers most of the time there. RS said some of the exact same things that my own father used to manipulate me. RS never did address his actions, but sought to find a way to blame and shame my husband and I. I was experiencing shortness of breath, shaking In my hands and feet, tightness in my chest, pounding headache, increased heart rate and was having flashbacks of my father’s face when I looked up at RS. The voice inflection and the condescending tone and chastising in his voice made me feel like a little girl again being reprimanded by my abusive father. Fortunately, my years of counseling did enable me to have a voice and stand up to him even as I was actively being triggered by his aggressive behavior. DL did nothing to stand up for me during this whole conversation. My husband and I ended up leaving and DL said he would follow up, we waited for hours and no call from DL. We heard from another source that DL was intending to let RS call into the meeting on Sunday. I contacted DL, he agreed to come to supper so we could discuss this. I very clearly told him that I did not want RS to call in and hear my children’s testimony. DL said he had already made the decision and he was only giving RS one more chance, but just one off testimony and he was done. I made arrangements for my married daughter to take my minor children to her Sunday meeting as l did not want them to be in our meeting.

On Sunday, April 16^th 2023 RS was allowed to call in to Sunday morning meeting. He started his testimony by saying, “When I was in prison, when I was in prison for being a sex offender…” and then proceeded to share a very disturbing story about an experience while he was in prison. In this experience, he was asked to leave the room and when he returned his fellow inmates where sitting in a circle with arms linked. He then likened that to our gathering there on Sunday around the emblems. Then, he went on to say that his job was to break into the circle. He looked for and identified the weak spot and he said he” went for it” and tried to break into the circle. He tried 3 or 4 times and was not able to break the circle, then he just asked and they let him in. He said he wished he had realized that all he had to do was ask. Then he finished by saying, “that is where I find myself today.” DL was sitting in that meeting right next to the speaker and did nothing to stop or correct RS.

Again, I was sitting there in meeting, in panic mode… racing heart, tightening in my chest, right foot and hand shaking, and flashbacks of my dad’s face flooding my vision. He was not in the room, but his presence filled the room. When we went home, my daughter expressed that she felt like we were the weak link that he was trying to use to get back in the circle. It was a very emotional and stressful meeting, not hardly conducive to feeding on Christ. My husband texted DL and let him know that we were all disturbed by that testimony, to which DL replied that he was “thinking of a plan”. I told my husband that DL already had a plan, he didn’t need to think about it anymore. I also told my husband that I could no longer go to that meeting, if DL wouldn’t move us then I just wouldn’t go there anymore. I called our former elder and asked if we could come back there next week as l wasn’t going to go back to the other meeting. He asked me if I had spoken to DL and I broke down and started crying and said that DL wasn’t listening to me and told him what had just happened in the meeting. He said we could come back and told me that he would talk to DL.

I was in full panic mode regarding RS and his grooming, stalking and intently watching my children. DL had already asked him to not come to meeting, to only call in and he did not do as DL said. I was afraid of him coming to gospel meeting and harming one of my children. I was also very afraid of the upcoming convention. I started the process of filing for a protective order against RS. I consulted with a local CSA advocate and she pointed out grooming patterns and was also alerted to the troubling attitudes, that RS expressed. I did receive a court date and it was a horribly traumatic experience. RS had some of the friends come and testify regarding his character and lied under oath about his contact with my children. I was not awarded a protective order and was very troubled that none of the friends that testified for him ever once called me to ask me what he had done to my children. It disturbed me that they would not want to gather as much information as they could before going to court and advocating for a man that had this kind of deviant past.

The following week, we went to our former meeting and RS showed up to his meeting like nothing had happened. The homeowner, who is not the elder, asked him to leave. RS said he didn’t understand and the homeowner told him to leave his property and not come back. The homeowner also told DL that he was no longer willing to have the call in option. The homeowner was the one that removed RS, not DL. The week after this, a conflict arose between the homeowner and one of the men that testified against me in court. The homeowner told this man that, “God put it in the heart of a mother to protect her children from a child molester, but God never put it in the heart of a man to molest a child” The result of this contention was that the meeting was taken out of the homeowner’s home and put into a home that is in full support of RS and advocates for him.

In the process of preparing for the court hearing, I contacted AFTT and requested a notification to be sent out asking for more info about RS. I was not able to use these documents in court as l was not aware of witnesses needing to be there in person and I had obtained written statements. But, I have since learned some very disturbing information about RS and have also learned that DL knew about this before he put our family in the meeting. Because of the hotline and the avenue of social media, I have become very aware of his past. A friend reached out to me and shared a letter that he had written to Gary Paul in 2005 regarding RS and his behaviour.

He was in the work and abused children at convention and in private homes of the friends. He has molested hundreds of children and was the most prolific offender in WA state when he was convicted. He refused to complete the sex offender program and was hospitalized in Medical Lake as being criminally insane. He agreed to be chemically castrated in lieu of prison time. He is currently on medication to control his “urges” and if he goes off the medication, the “urges” come back.

My biggest concern at this point, is how the situation was handled when I clearly requested to be taken out of the meeting. This was before DB and I did not ask for RS to be removed from the fellowship, but I did not want my family in meeting with him. As RS became increasingly assertive toward my children, I was growing increasingly fearful that he was going to molest one of my children. He was following them out of gospel meeting and one time even waited at the door for my adult daughter to come out so he could talk to her about the dinner invite. I have text records of me begging DL to take care of the situation, I reached out to Darryl Doland, Wayne Bechtol, Julie Raab, and even Lyle Schober (a relative) to try to get help. They all referred me back to DL and assured me that he would take care of it. DL was very empathetic for RS and began to avoid my husband and me. As convention season approached and I did not get the restraining order, I was very concerned about convention. I had by this time heard many other ladies tell me about times he had pushed the boundaries in previous years and that RS had been multiple times reprimanded about contacting children. I also was contacted by a number of individuals that shared with me their concerns and conversations with DL regarding his choice to put us in that meeting. I was unaware of any other concerns regarding that and felt like DL should have expressed those concerns to us. Because of how passive DL was in asking RS to not come to meeting, I was in NO way confident that DL had the stamina to enforce any violations.

What I have become very clear about is that DL is not able to make firm decisions about protecting women and children. He has not been honest in his dealing with us and has intentionally hidden information from us to further his agenda. DL had also been involved in other situations regarding CSA in previous years that we were not satisfied with how they were handled. These and the immoral relationships while he was in the work have caused us to just feel like DL is not in a position to be leading a flock. We had a conversation with him after gospel meeting asking him if he would step down and stating the reasons why.

I do not believe that every worker that mis-handles a situation should be removed. There has been an outcry lately that the workers have not been willing to listen to victims. I know there have been times when victims did not want the authorities involved or the decision was made to not press charges because the victim did not want to, but when my children were being actively pursued and I was very clearly asking to just be taken out of the meeting, it is beyond my comprehension why this wasn’t an easy choice. I have a hard time following anyone in the ministry that cannot make choices when we are begging for help. I have a difficult time understanding why Darryl would not step in when DL was not dealing with the situation.

DL and DD did not seem to be listening to me with the intent to resolve the problem. I felt like they were trying to avoid me as much as possible. They kept putting me off, ignoring my texts and calls or giving me vague answers that didn’t give me any definitive answers. I was a terrified mother trying to protect her children from a known very prolific and assertive pedophile and was asked to wait for weeks while DL tried to figure out what to do.

I have a great concern for where our ministry is right now. We have been harboring pedophiles in the work and the workers have been harboring them amongst the friends. This is a grave, serious concern and is not being taken very seriously by a large majority of the ministry. Trust is a big issue, and not easily re-built when it is something this serious. A worker doesn’t have to know all about CSA, Ministry Safe or reporting laws to listen to the cries of a sheep and step in and protect them. It seems to me that love would prompt anyone with any amount of empathy to step in and protect a child. If someone does not have the basic desire to help a mother protect her children, I can’t reconcile in my heart how they should be preaching the gospel of love and be teaching about how to be childlike. I see the only way forward that results in healing and restoration is for any workers that were not willing to listen to the cries of the victims to recognize that they do not have the heart of a shepherd and willingly step down. There are many younger workers in positions where they are stifled and unable to do much, but they have reached out to victims with love and concern. These are true shepherds. I believe there are many still in the work that are faithful and have a genuine love for the sheep. I love so much about our fellowship and I believe the ministry is scriptural, but wolves have gotten in and we do not have a process to remove them. 

***PREDATORS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN MEETING. IT CAN STIR UP THEIR OWN DESIRES TO BE AROUND CHILDREN AND IT CAN TRIGGER CSA VICTIMS TO HAVE THEM IN THE MEETING***

WINGS Note: This 2010 letter shows that overseers have been on notice for many years.

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From: [Redacted]

To: barkley.barry@[redacted]; rhoff76@[redacted]

Subject: Abusers—Jim Stipp & John Badertscher

Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:01:11 -0400

In response to the cries and suffering of victims of Sexual Abuse here are two more creeps that need to be handled. As you are aware Ray – John B is in Texas. It is well known in the midwest and probably the south west young women were not safe alone with John B. One victim personally told me here own horror story. This hits me extra hard as I thought the world of Johns father and brother Lee & John had part in my Fathers funeral. But justice must be done no matter who they are. Barry I should not have to tell you the Jim story. After being a mess in the abuse area for many years in South America and the Islands — he was finally sent back to the US. Several years later many Friend are still trying to speculate why that happened. The fact that people have not been warned about his problem is unconscionable! We are very aware of who he has been reporting to during those years. For these situations not being handled properly especially in recent years is beyond the pale. A few blind bats are still questioning why we are seeking justice in these cases. Well they need to ask how they would feel if their mother, father, wife, sister, daughter, brother or grandchildren had or is being sexually abused –How would they feel about that. If they would feel any different than us in this cause then they are a disgrace to the human race let alone the Truth.

August 1, 2023

Dear friends, elders and workers,

We are aware that many are interested in hearing about the recent meetings in Illinois. As some of you may have heard, most of the overseers from Canada and the USA gathered. Included were a number of sister workers and some of our friends. We regularly consult with the sisters, yet wanted the extra demonstration of transparency. There were six meetings in two days.

The recent months have been challenging as we have all faced new experiences in learning about and dealing with past and current child sexual abuse (CSA) and sexual abuse (SA) cases that have surfaced, and their resulting effects. One result of our gathering was the realization that we stand united in our commitment to heightened awareness, increased education and appropriate changes. We regret that in many cases past responses to CSA/SA matters were incorrect and insufficiently informed, resulting in inappropriate outcomes.

Another result of the meeting was a united commitment to deal with reports that arise in a thorough, safe, caring and appropriately transparent manner. We also discussed how to better reach out to care for and support victims. We realize the value of encouraging people to communicate early about concerns, but uniformly agree it is absolutely necessary to fully comply with the law and legal authorities. We also had discussions about best practices for the process of working through cases and how to involve elders in the decisions that are made.

In one of the sessions, a victim advocate presented information and education about CSA/SA and answered questions about specific cases. In other sessions we discussed how best to support victims who do not have sufficient means for therapy. In multiple sessions we discussed how to appropriately care for and support victims, including seeking professional guidance as we work to help victims. We apologize where we have failed to provide a trustworthy and safe reporting environment for victims. To address this lack, we stand united in purpose to hear, believe, support and encourage victims. We pray for the survivors of abuse, that God will comfort and help them on their journey to healing. With the guidance and help of God. we are working to create a trustworthy reporting environment where people feel truly supported and safe.

As a result of our days together, we stand united in our desire to address CSA/SA matters properly going forward, for the safety of all, especially the most vulnerable among us. As workers we also recognize the need for deep self-examination as we remember the God we serve, and that we all stand accountable to Him. We are united in understanding it is our duty to proactively help prevent abuse by creating safe and peaceful meeting environments as well as making sure workers are trustworthy and safe in the home.

Much was shared about the fear of God that must accompany the reality and richness of the love of God. Also mentioned were honesty, humility and reverence so that we may serve responsibly in our place as servants. We stand united in wanting to have pure motives, and follow closely in the way Jesus lived and taught for the ministry and the fellowship so that God can bless His people and ministry (John 12:26; 14:15-17, 23). It is reassuring to remember God hears the cry of every needy heart and knows those who trust Him. We have all become aware of grievous harm done by some workers, and human failure in addressing it by others, yet we draw comfort knowing that God has never failed us and He will cleanse what offends in His Kingdom and lead His people to better days.

With deep care in Him to each of you,

Your servants in Christ

135 Lake Mist Drive
Piperton TN 38017
July 13, 2023

Our dear Friends in Kentucky and Tennessee,

Since we last wrote a general letter to all in April, some most unpleasant news has surfaced. Loren Spellman who has labored here in the ministry from 2012 – 2018 is no longer in the work.

Quote from Jim Holt’s letter, (overseer DE, MD, VA, NC) July 10, 2023
‘Over the past few weeks friends and workers shared with me experiences regarding Loren’s behavior which crossed boundaries of appropriate conduct pertaining to women. In recent hours we received a credible allegation of CSA made by an adult living outside of our region, about contact that occurred while she was a child. If you or your children or anyone else has had any interactions with Loren constituting CSA or SA, please contact the local authorities.’
We are very sorry for everyone who has experienced hurt and discomfort as a result of Loren’s actions.

We continue to encourage all to report to the authorities (police in the county of occurrence) anyone whose behavior is inappropriate with children; family, neighbor, worker, friend etc. or phone the CHILD ABUSE HOTLINE. KY 877-597-2331 or TN 877-237-0004.
The workers in the ministry are mandated reporters so are responsible to notify the authorities, but also every adult in the state of Tennessee is a mandated reporter.

Anyone who makes a report in good faith, based on reasonable grounds is immune from prosecution or liability. The identity of the reporter is kept confidential.

Child abuse is now recognized as a problem of epidemic proportions. Child abuse has serious consequences that may remain as indelible pain throughout the victim’s lifetime. Child abuse includes physical, sexual, emotional or neglect. All of which are unacceptable.

The workers in Kentucky, Tennessee, Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, Florida, South Carolina, Georgia and other states have taken the Child Sexual Abuse Training with Ministry Safe, based at 6001 River Oaks Ft. Worth Texas 76114. Some of us have taken this training every two years for the last 10 years. We have found this organization to be most helpful. We want to encourage anyone to take this Awareness Training. If you want more information about this Complete Child Safety System designed to reduce the risk of sexual abuse, we can help you get in touch with them. You can contact them 833-737-7233 or support@ministry-safe com

Gospel meetings are open to all who want to hear the Gospel and who behave appropriately and safely.

Conventions are held on private property and are only open to invited, safe guests. Please be sure to report to the owners if you notice someone who appears out of place or of questionable behavior. We will prevent anyone who is under investigation of an offense against a child to participate in our gatherings.

It is suggested that at our conventions, a parent should accompany younger children to the bathroom or shower area. Older children or teens should make their time out of meeting for bathroom breaks or other needs as brief as possible.

It is suggested that you talk to your teens about expected curfew times, what is appropriate behaviour in the dorm and elsewhere and the importance of staying on the convention grounds at all times.

Our brother who owns the convention property here at Madisonville said this morning ‘We want a safe place for our people’. That definitely is our purpose and labor also.

We are ashamed and burdened because of those who have been entrusted with the Gospel and the care of the Lord’s people, who have fallen to such base and unclean actions. The result is that some have been caused to doubt the integrity of those in the ministry, who have been true and pure in their service and the integrity of others who also follow Jesus.

Again, we want to assure you that we will standby and support in any way we can those who have suffered such harm and hurt through abuse, who seek the help of the Lord and professional help if needed. Those who have suffered have been cause to feel shame and guilt, when in reality the opposite is true, when they did nothing to deserve those feelings.

We are glad that we can look to the Lord Jesus for comfort, who is pure, holy and undefiled. He is the answer to all our questions and need. We have proven that He will never disappoint or fail us.

Sincerely, the workers in Kentucky and Tennessee

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From Richard Gasser

Dear KS NE Friends

It seems to be necessary that we send a note with some of the recent events.
There is a worker that has been recently removed from the work because of a number of friends and workers concerns of him crossing boundaries of appropriate conduct.

There is also an allegation from the time while he was in the work here in these states. He was in Kansas from 1982-1986 and then on the KS/NE staff from 1997-2010.
If there are any other individuals that have experienced CSA/SA concerning him, please report to Law enforcement.

I believe he will be staying with some of his family in Gypsum KS for the time being. He has been asked not to attend any meetings. We have left out his name, In respect to what we heard in our informational meeting at York on Sunday, that people’s names would not be broadcast too soon, which could hinder investigation. Any questions please feel free to reach out to any of the workers.

We had a very informative meeting in York last Sunday. Christy Prang a director of training for the BraveBe child Advocacy center was very knowledgeable and helpful, seems like it would be a very useful organization for those who would need help navigating through some of those difficult experiences.
https://www.bravebe.org/services/case_coordination.html

Roy and I are currently on our way back from a meeting in Clever MO that we attended, along with quite a number of workers and friends from that area. Much of the focus there was on how to listen to the victim’s story. It is their story to tell and in their timing and we need to respect that, and never dismiss it or press them for more.

With Care
The KS/NE staff

This letter shows how detrimental it is to allow offenders to have a place of power and how important it is not to hide things, so people can make informed decisions to protect themselves.

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My experience pales in comparison to the atrocities being revealed. I want to stress the importance of communication and transparency. If there is trouble in a field, that worker needs to be removed, not just moved. Now there is a trail of abuse spanning the country. We should be given all the information so we can make informed decisions for the physical, as well as spiritual, safety of ourselves and our families.

Leslie White moved to his sister’s in Maine in 2012, which is down the road from my parents’ (I am his great-niece). I built a tiny house on my parents’ property a couple years later and have been in meetings with him ever since. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to many in our family but this is about how he affected our meeting and his inappropriateness. We were never told about any of the allegations, aside from the rape as that was the reason he was home. I won’t talk about the rape allegation, to spare Laura further hurt. Suffice it to say, he had many excuses to why it wasn’t true.

Over time he micromanaged our meetings, controlling what we spoke of afterward, etc. As an example, one Bible study at my mom’s he had to use the restroom so he stopped meeting in the middle of testimonies and gave us a hymn to sing while he was gone.

In 2019, after living in NH for a year, my husband and I moved back into our tiny house and agonized over what to do about mtgs. In the end we let the workers choose. Unfortunately, that put us back with Uncle Les. For those who have been asking, he did speak in a Gospel mtg when one of our workers was absent during this time (he also spoke in one this Spring for the same reason. He was having problems with his mind then, so he gave his testimony of going in the work).

Covid precautions split our mtg into two and my husband, mom, and I met with a small family, our elder and his wife, while Leslie became the elder of the mtg left at my aunt’s. I don’t know how he became the elder, seeing as the man who usually took the mtgs at my mom’s (my dad doesn’t go) was still in that mtg. Anyway, we had wonderful fellowship during this time. That lasted about a year, the mtgs merged back together, and our elder went on to another mtg.

Les continued to be elder over the joined mtgs and we were surprised to find he had implemented a rule while we were gone. No one was to speak or move until the person taking care of the emblems returned to the mtg room. This was very awkward when we had visitors and they would give greetings and he would have to quickly explain his rule. Mtgs started lasting an hour and a half that summer so my husband and I talked to U. Les, as my husband is a truck driver and sometimes has to leave right away. My husband asked, “aren’t mtgs supposed to be an hour?” and Les’ response was, “No one ever said that.” Finally we got him to concede and also do away with his emblem rule. Things were slightly better for a while, though we were the only ones who dared talk while the emblems were taken care of, everyone else just kept their heads down. He actually commented on it one day when I spoke, he said, “I had a feeling you’d be the first to speak.” I felt like I was part of a game I hadn’t asked to play.

Since becoming the elder, he would speak or pray first, or at random, instead of last as is the norm. I know this isn’t a big deal and is just a tradition but it does give order to mtgs. He also would interject after someone spoke, to add to their testimony or correct it. I would cringe waiting for him to correct me. Often times he’d speak after someone to continue where they left off, instead of having something of his own prepared. His testimonies lasted 20 minutes, give or take, except when we had visitors/workers.

He would bring politicians into his testimonies and made some outrageous statements like God choosing this man as a little boy that he would save the world. The worst was when a family from our church was absent and, during his testimony, he spoke about personal horrific abuses they’d suffered and shared with him in private. He’d speak about sexual things from the Bible, graphic enough to make me uncomfortable. He also took vast liberties with general details of Bible stories. Meetings had lost peace for me and I had a lot of anxiety.

When I was 19 or 20, he told my grandmother that I was pure and had never been touched. At the time, I was in an abusive relationship and I’m sure she wanted to believe that. Several times he said he knew my husband and I had kept ourselves “pure” for each other. Two of those times were after mtg. Twice (also after mtgs) he brought up that my niece and her husband “did things the right way and waited until they were married.” There was never anything to provoke these statements. Who thinks about other people’s sex lives and comments on them regularly, especially after fellowship?!

One time he did try to enter my husband and I’s room at my parents’ when we were napping, after being told by 3 people that we were sleeping and they had to yell at him down the hall to stop!, all because he needed help with his computer and it would “just take a second.” That instance I believe was due to complete lack of boundaries and respect.

For two years my husband has had to listen to me say every Sunday morning “I don’t think I can do this,” but I’d pull it together to support our mtg. I did stop going to bible studies, though, as there was only so much I could take. I felt like the worst person, with an evil spirit, because I thought everyone around me was able to pray and forgive him and I couldn’t get past it. It was also complicated because I didn’t want to upset the family. My prayers were consumed with thoughts of things I wished I could say to him and yet also begging God to help me forgive him. I felt disconnected from God because I couldn’t get over this and let Him do His work in me. I now wonder if He was urging me to speak up and I wish I had listened because I know others suffered as well.

In mid-June, our worker announced that due to Leslie’s health he would be stepping down as elder. He went on to mention how much help Les had been and how much he’d continue to help in his own way. The following Saturday, June 24th, the letter to Leslie came out. I was livid, disgusted…I can’t even describe my feelings. My heart hurt for all those women. All doubt I had was gone. I have heard him lie many times and these accounts fit with behavior I have seen firsthand.

On the 26th, my husband said enough is enough and he called Ray to tell him what we have been dealing with the last few years. Ray seemed shocked and my husband explained he was always on his best behavior when the workers were around. Ray thanked him for calling and we didn’t hear anything more. That Sunday we went to union mtg at our pre-covid elder’s house, and, at the end, our worker told us that we would be meeting in that home from now on since my aunt was selling her house and moving in with her children. Leslie was not there and no email was sent out to the churches. Our worker did quietly say to my husband, “It’s sad but Leslie won’t be in mtg anymore,” as we were leaving.

I have no clue if it was my husband’s phone call that instigated the removal…I’ve heard Laura contacted Ray and asked again for his removal, so maybe that was it…and yet our worker also told family members that another accusation was soon to come out (it’s been almost a month and we haven’t heard any more about this) maybe that was the reason…

I am angry that overseers and workers knew of the problems U. Les has caused over the years (there have been other accounts of him speaking inappropriately in mtgs, let alone the more serious allegations) and never once did they check in on us and ask how our meeting was going. I think of other meetings around the world that have perpetrators in them and I have to wonder how the spirit is affected. I believe in not writing people off, allowing them to repent (I don’t want his soul lost!!), but when it affects fellowship, more than one person…shouldn’t that be considered? Why is his soul more important than all those he has hurt? And just because he’s not in meeting doesn’t mean God can’t work with him. Meeting is a privilege, not a right, and not the only way someone can be saved.

With wavering hope,

Tavia Pibus

On July 11, 2023, WINGS posted a letter written by a group of concerned friends. At that time it was signed by 95 friends, and it was open for further signatures to be added.

See https://wingsfortruth.info/2023/07/11/friends-letter-to-overseers-and-church/

It has now been finalised and has more than 800 signatures. Some only supported the first part of the letter.

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