Tag: child sexual abuse

July 27-28, 2023

Pre-work. Each member of our staff was expected to complete work prior to the workshop.

• Read: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and The Servant

• Read: The Thin Book of Trust (if possible)

• Review MN/IA CSA policy

• Ensure completion of the Ministry Safe module (this is required every 2 years)

Staff Attendees (23): Lucille Anderson, David Bergh, Janet Bergman, Sandra Boettcher, Kyle Bredesky, Melissa Chardeen, Shan Connelly, Dean Dykstra, Maria Freesemann, Skyler Gartin, Ashley Hoseth, Andrea Jensen, Patricia Johnson, LaVerna Kleffman, Jake Nelson, Kara Plesek, Miranda Quick, Aunika Schraw, John Simons, Loran Skaw, Shari Stamps, Ron Thomke, Mary Weeda

Visitors (S): Darryl Doland (WA/N Idaho/AK). Craig Winquist (AR/MO/OK). Perry Pearson (ND/SD). Jennifer Horton (AR/MO/OK), Diane Harper (AR/MO/OK)

Presenters/ Facilitators (6): Terry Saber, Patty Henderson, Deb Miller, Summer Nelson, Kris Foner, Denise Ducette Dickson (via YouTube video)

The initial morning session opened with Hymn #347, followed by prayer led by Craig Winquist.

Overview:

Terry Saber started the workshop with the ground rules and the objectives for our time together. She also spoke about the key concepts for trust within teams from The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.

• Ground rules. Candor, full participation (“say it! And say it here!”), listen with intent to understand vs respond, phones only during polling or at break.
• Objectives:
  • Education and understanding of Child Sexual Abuse and Sexual Abuse.
  • Acknowledge and discuss path forward on enhancing communication and trust.
  • Increase awareness of needed Self<are.
  • Deepen awareness of the staff leadership needs and crisis management.
• Key takeaway from The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
  • Trust is foundational to all teams to accomplish the work expected of the team.
  • If trust is broken, creates dysfunction, fear, paralysis, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to the needed results.

Servant Leadership and Trust:

Patty Henderson presented key concepts from The Thin Book of Trust and The Servant as they relate to trust and leadership.

Elements of Trust: discussed what each is and how each influence whether a feeling of trust is created or damaged.

• Care
• Sincerity
• Reliability
• Competence

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, {only discussed the first two levels!

• The foundation of human well-being starts with physiological needs: air, water, food, etc. Ex: if a child is hungry in school, they won’t be able to team.
• Secondly you must have all your safety needs met (feel safe AND be safe). Ex: if a victim/survivor does not feel safe tn the fellowship meeting, it is difficult to focus on spiritual feeding.

Broken Trust: discussion of the emotions and behaviors that are elicited when trust is broken.

Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. (Author Ken Blanchard as quoted by James Hunter in The Servant).

• Scope of influence, as leaders we all have influence, but some have a greater scope of influence than others
• Authority/lnfluence versus Power. In order to influence, a person must be trusted. Power is the ability to impose your own will on someone else therefore trust is not required.

Staff Communication Updates/ Discussion.

Because the entire staff had not been together, time was created on the agenda for updates on current situations and discussion as to how the leadership team was formed to respond to crisis.

• Take-aways from Seneca overseers’ meeting.
  • Spent a good deal of time in spiritual meetings. Much of what was shared related back to our current situation. God is chastising his ministry— there is a purpose in all of this.
  • Strong encouragement for education to become more trauma-informed.
  • Consider ways in which we can provide financial support to victims who may not otherwise be able to afford it Policies to deal with allegations and perpetrators will be very similar across the states but can’t be exactly the same because laws differ. Legal advice is that each state ensures that their policy adheres to all laws while protecting the victims. Safety for all is key!
• Staff Discussion:
  • Need for more communication between the staff and to the fields.
  • Need a method to make communication easier so that it happens more frequently. The leadership team has been inundated with current allegation situations— so communication doesn’t become front and center.
  • Thankful for the opportunity for timely education
  • Much discussion on the need to take care of self. Someone who is empty can’t serve others!
  • Discussion on the question of what secrecy versus confidentiality is.

Trauma Informed Training

Child Sexual Abuse from Victim Perspective: Deb Miller presented information to help all understand CSA more completely.

• Specific risk factors and described red flag behaviors.
• Stages of grooming.
• How secrecy is ensured in abuse and why children don’t report.
• How to respond to a disclosure: Deb offered specifics on how to respond —our job is to be calm and be present, how to listen, validate, inform erf obligation to report, and document as much as possible as soon as possible.

Mandatory Reporting: Deb reviewed the list of mandatory reporters and the process for reporting. She talked about why it is difficult to report— these are people we know and love, but our goal is to keep everyone safe! There is a push nationally that would make all people 18+ a mandatory reporter.

Process/lnvestigation: Deb shared what happens after a report. A report is ‘screened’ to see if it meets the state’s guidelines for an investigation. If not, the report is screened out’—meaning no investigation will occur. If it meets the criteria, the report is sent to the Child Protection Team (CPS) of the county in which the alleged abuse occurred for investigation. The findings ace presented to the legal system. If the case has enough evidence for prosecution, the case moves to the legal system for prosecution. If the case lacks enough evidence fur legal prosecution, it is deemed unsubstantiated. Unsubstantiated is an allegation that was investigated, and the investigation produced insufficient evidence to make a final determination as to whether the event occurred.

Traumatic Effects of Child Sexual Abuse: Summer Nelson presented in great detail the effects of Child Sexual Abuse upon the victim.

• Neuro biological effects: Effects of trauma and PTSD can be viewed on imaging studies of the brain. Trauma exposure causes numerous changes to the body’s systems, including the brain, hormones, and neurotransmitters.
• Sexual abuse is an interpersonal trauma: one perpetrated by another human being that is known to the victim. When the victim is a child, survivors may continue to have interactions with the perpetrator and may experience revictimization.
• May be profoundly confusing in a religious/spiritual context when perpetrators are believed to be individuals who are “right with” or serving God
• Negative reactions to disclosure are harmful and some children will then recant their disclosure. (Adults may as well)
• Impacts of Child Sexual Abuse: extremes in emotion, emotional disengagement or flatness, difficulties with attention/concentration/memory, reexpenencing with strong emotional reactions to reminders also known as triggers, hypervigilance, sleep disorders/ nightmares, self-harm. disordered eating, bed wetting, and others.
• Emotional and Mental health consequences of CSA: PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociation, personality disorders, substance abuse, and suicide or self-injury
• Summer gave an overview of treatment approaches Some who’ve been a victim of abuse require life-long treatment while others require lifelong support. The length of the treatment is dependent upon many factors.

Sexual Assault in Adult Populations. Summer provided statistics as it relates to sexual abuse. She also reviewed the terms and definitions of sexual assault, rape, coercion, among others. She reviewed the mental health and behavioral consequences in adults as a result of sexual assault. Some of these are PTSD, depressive disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, dissociative disorders, somatization disorders, suicidal ideations, suicide attempts, and death by suicide. Summer mentioned that it is helpful when creating policies that we engage various stakeholders to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Nature of Sex Offending: Denise Doucette Dickson was not able to attend but she pre-recorded a presentation that explained the characteristics of offenders and the treatment of offenders who have been convicted. She provided definitions of pedophilia, hebephilia, paraphelia and the types of paraphelias.

• Pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder.
• Hebephilia is not a psychiatric disorder, but it is pathological in nature.

She also presented in detail behaviors of pedophiles and hebephiles that are non-contact offending behaviors and contact offending behaviors. She described a pathway to relapse, triggers, deviant sexual fantasies, urges and then acting out. For the offender, during their treatment they attempt to find ways to reduce triggers and break the relapse cycle.

MN/IA WORKSHOP – DAY 2

The morning session opened with a hymn brought by Loran Skaw. It was sung to the tune of hymn #405 but the words were sung as from the friends to the workers. LaVerna Kleffman followed with prayer.

Building Trust Interpersonally and Within Teams: Kris Foner presented how generational differences can affect communication and understanding. The generational differences are a result of the era and happenings that occurred during their formative years.

Generational differences.

• Silent Generation (born between 1928-1945) seek stability, comfortable with hierarchy.
• Baby Boomers (born between 1946-1964) are team oriented/good mentors prefer structure and less inclined to welcome change,
• Gen X (born between 1965-1980} flexible, willing to change, value responsibility/ honesty.
• Millennials (born between 1981-1996) expect collaboration, a seat at the table, and challenge hierarchical status quo.
• Gen Z (born between 1997-2012) value individual expression, flexibility, avoid labels, and embrace large-scale change.

Listening to other perspectives can increase engagement and support of decisions. It can create stronger relationships and build trust.

Listening for understanding: (The best way to listen for understanding is to WANT to understand!)

• Ask open-ended questions.
• Look person in the eye and maintain eye contact.
• Express appreciation for their sharing.
• Repeat back what you heard them say, in summary format.
• Reflect on what was shared.
• Avoid interrupting, finishing their sentence, looking at clock/watch/phone, making it about yourself, quickly giving your opinion.

Professional Boundaries, Confidentiality, Communication: Summer presented information that relates to considering our own role in supporting victims of trauma and sexual abuse. This session was designed in an interactive manner to allow for specific questions as she presented her slides. She helped answer the following questions:

• What can I do or say to be helpful to victims of Child Sexual Abuse and other traumas?
• How can I monitor my own emotional reactions and overall wellbeing in the context of reports of trauma?
• What type of information or advice am 1 qualified to give?
• How do 1 respond when victims want advice or response from me that I feel unqualified to give?
• How do I approach the concept of confidentiality?
• How do I try to avoid breaches of trust by reporting Child Sexual Abuse or abuse of vulnerable populations (when perhaps the person who provided the information wanted to keep it quiet? |
• How do I encourage someone to seek the help of a professional?

Self-Care. Deb Miller described the importance of self-care, types of self-care, and encouraged each of the workers to think about ways that they will incorporate methods of self-care into their daily fives.

Resources for effective coping:

• Self-awareness: how our past affects our present, understand your values, know your strengths and weaknesses, try journaling
• Emotional awareness
• Physical health, exercise, keep your body healthy, relaxation, sleep, good nutrition.
• Breathing, techniques of box breathing and belly breathing
• Relaxation and use of calming apps
• Hobbies and Leisure: goal to have at least 2 hobbies or leisure activities.
• Social support
• Positivity: gratitude, self-compassion/self-kindness, mindfulness

Why don’t we communicate?

• Apathy or boredom
• Peeling unacknowledged
• Fear of judgment or criticism
• Conflict avoidance
• Fear of vulnerability
• Lack of trust

She presented information about active listening. The ways in which our body language, attention and phrasing create an open, honest dialogue.

She presented information on setting boundaries, emotional boundaries, material boundaries, time /energy boundaries, mental boundaries, and physical boundaries help us be healthy in a way that we are available for others She also spent time on technological boundaries: the need to disengage from technology in a way that promotes sleep, down time, and being present in visits.

She presented information related to how to know when professional help may be needed to care for self with a deeper dive into symptoms of depression.

Group work: Each worker was assigned to one of five smaller groups. Each group was asked to work on a subject and come back to the larger group with a presentation that included suggestions.

• Group 1 &2 worked on the gaps that exist in our current CSA/SA policy.
  • Discussion related to hiring GRACE to help us with investigations.
  • Discussed the concept of developing a closed meeting taking care that friends who attend do so by volunteering only. These meetings would be held at times other than when our fellowship meetings meet.
  • Discussion/suggestions related to advocacy, financial support, response team .
• Group 3 worked on communication: to each other and to the field.
  • Discussion of a newsletter to keep all informed of what is happening within the states. Especially given the flexibility needed to cover the current fields with fewer workers.
  • If these concepts work and meet the need, the work of creating these could then be off- loaded to a group of friends with interest/skills in this work.
• Group 4 worked on accountability and self-care for the workers. What tasks are we doing today that don’t require the efforts of the workers?
  • Discussion of times during the year when the workers can have down time, such as the week after conventions, special meetings and dunng the winter holiday season .
  • Each encouraged to intentionally choose their self-care activities.
  • One key comment/question that arose. It’s hard to understand how to live to serve others (reference to Servant Leadership book) while learning to put ourselves first.
    Answer: If s both putting others first while learning to love ourselves and making sure we are taking care of ourselves and not getting burned out.
• Group 5 worked on off-loading tasks to the friends to allow more time for the workers to read, pray, and evangelize.
  • Created a list of things that could be off-loaded fur convention preps/convention.
  • Discussed ways in which we could gain an understanding of who in MN/LA has what skill set and would be willing to be called upon to engage that skill to help in a need. Some examples given: carpentry, mechanic, painting, laundry, cooking, etc.

Closed the workshop with hymn #370 and David Bergh closed in prayer.

From Trev Larsen

To the Church

I’m sending this to 64 people, all people who have or still go to meetings. If you are receiving this directly from me it is because you are someone that I felt should know that I am the one who sent this, and that it is unedited. Some of you are my close friends, some I have or currently go to meeting with, some are workers, and some names that jumped out at me when I was searching old e- mails for addresses – a good reminder to always use Bcc on group e-mails. There were others I thought of including, but had no e-mail for. You all have my permission to share or post his letter anywhere that you see fit. I am comfortable with my name being attached to this message.

---

To the church, whether or not you attend meetings,

All my life I have preferred to stay out of the spotlight, to quietly try to fill my place and do my part. Unfortunately, there sometimes comes a time where it is necessary to be willing to stand for what is right while others sit silently by. I recently went to Hermosa convention with a testimony burned on my heart. For days I wrestled with it, prayed and meditated on it. Asked if it could come from someone else, asked if I could give the testimony and the words be remembered, but not the speaker. Sometimes the answer that we receive is no, and that was my answer. I will not deny the message that God has put on my heart. I will not stand idly by while evil and self-interest pervades God’s people. I stood in the first meeting and spoke my message. As close as I can recall it:

“I have come here with a message upon my heart, and I will have no peace until I share it. David committed a terrible crime. He used his power to take that which was not his, and then used his power to cover it up. He was forgiven, but there were consequences, and he became unworthy to build God’s temple. There will be a day when forgiveness is absolute, in eternity forgiveness will have no consequences and no loss of worthiness. But we are not in eternity, and while we are on earth there are consequences and there can be a loss of worthiness. Lately we have been hearing stories of those who used their power to commit terrible acts, and stories of those who used their power to cover those acts up. There can be forgiveness, but there are consequences and there is a loss of worthiness. Some have become unworthy of having fellowship in our homes – especially ones with the most innocent and vulnerable. Some have become unworthy to be a part of God’s ministry. Every year we hear from the platform about that desperate need in the harvest field. There is a need, but that need might not seem so desperate if the worthy ministers were not unevenly yoked with the unworthy and with wolves.”

This is not a message I feel worthy to speak on but is a message that I must share. There seems to be a thought amongst some that the only way to be saved is to attend meetings. That casting people from our fellowship homes is relegating people to hell. That is not true. We do not need meetings to be saved, we need a close personal relationship with God. Abusers that are truly repentant will see that they are a danger to the meetings and accept that they have lost worthiness. They will accept that there are places that they cannot go, that there are positions that they are unworthy of. The ones who fight against those consequences are the ones who are not repentant.

Growing up reading the bible I was aware that there were going to be false ministers, that there were going to be wolves in sheep’s clothing hiding among the flock. So, when the stories originally came out I was sad, but not surprised. What did surprise me were the stories that kept coming out about all of those who used their position to sweep things under the rug. To tell victims of terrible abuse that they needed to forgive their abusers and to not involve the law. Hearing of workers, who were known to be abusers, moved to a different state rather than removed from the ministry and arrested. I cannot begin to express the hate that has raged in my heart since hearing those stories. We are to be like God. To love the things that God loves and to hate the things that God hates. God hates the abuse of his little ones. God hates that the abusers are allowed to remain in his ministry. God hates that ministers in positions of power would prefer to do that which is easy to that which is right.

It’s easy to pass off the blame. It’s easy to tell victims that they need to forgive their abusers. It’s easy to allow people to remain in meetings, to allow ministers to remain in the ministry. None of it is right. Mathew 23:24 “Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel.” Why is there such a strain to tell survivors to forgive those who are not even repentant. Why is that the gnat that causes such consternation. You have swallowed the camel that is sexual assault. You have swallowed the camel that is abuse. Mathew 23:25 “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.”

I will name no names in this letter. I do not know who the righteous are and who the unrighteous are. The overseers and the workers know who among them is unworthy. The elders and meetings know who among them is unworthy. They know who clings to power. They know who (Matthew 23:26) “love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and chief seats at the synagogues.” Cast them out.

There are few things that Jesus said that are said in multiple gospels. One thing that was said in Mathew, Mark, and Luke was deemed important enough to be included in 3 of them. Mark 9:42 “And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.” That verse isn’t just for the people who have perpetrated abuse. Not just for those who swept it under the rug. That verse is also for those who sat idly by. Those who, through their lack of standing against evil, caused offence. In testimony we also heard at Hermosa that in the parable of the good Samaritan that it was the fault of the thieves that the man was in a ditch on the side of the road. But that as soon as the Levite and priest saw and did nothing, they were why that man was still in the ditch.

John Stuart Mill wrote “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” Too many have done nothing. Too many have walked on the other side of the road while the wounded were dying. Too many have trusted that others knew best. Do not deceive yourself. You know what is best, you know what Jesus would do. He would cast the evil out.

I have seen many letters from those who have stopped coming to meetings, explaining why – the wrong that they saw in the church. This is my letter as to why I have stayed. It is not because I need the fellowship. Never have I learned or grown more in my personal relationship with God, than during Covid when we had no fellowship meetings. I stayed, because I love the friends. It is because I believe that this is the closest thing to what Jesus taught. I have stayed because I believe that change must come from within. I am unafraid of being asked not to share. I am unafraid of being asked not to attend. Mathew 10:28 “Fear not them which kill the body but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.”

I have seen the pride that people have in what family people come from. People revering “good families” as if the next generation inherits the testimony of the prior. I have seen people looked down on because they aren’t from the white middle or upper class. I have seen the pervasion of tradition being treated as scripture. I have seen people create rules and treat them as if they are the law. I have not been blind. I have tried to do everything I can to push back on those wrongs, but now I publicly state the feelings of my heart on these issues.

Some of the worst offences we have seen are by those who come from a “good family” and “made a mistake”. That attitude is what allows repeat offenders to continue their offences. A lot of the offences are pushed under the rug because they are committed on those that are seen as on the fringes of the flock. Offenders can sense who the most vulnerable are. They can sense who the flock does not fully welcome. They target them and go free, because people don’t care as much about them. I will not dance around the issues with niceties and platitudes. Often it is the poor, the ones from broken homes, and the minorities who get no consideration. When they face abuse and cry out, they are the most likely to be told what happened was their own fault. There is an issue with racism. There is an issue with classism. There is an issue with elitism. There is an issue with sexism. There is an issue with tradition. God’s way is perfect, but men are trying to walk it imperfectly. These are the imperfections. These are the reasons that it took so long for these issues to come to light. Unless I am asked not to, I will consider myself a part of this way, but I will not accept the wrongs that are pervading it.

It may feel less important than some of the terrible wrongs that have been happening, but it is also important to stamp out the littler things. The tradition of it being evil or wrong for women to wear pants or have their hair down is something that should have been left in the past. The continued control of how women look, and dress is about control and shame. There is no reason that people dress in a specific way to go to fellowship meetings. How many people who would have happily shared fellowship with us have been turned aside by something that is not biblical and is treated as if it is. It is not because they are unwilling, it is because they see something that is not of God. It is easier to blame others than look within.

Do what is right, not what is easy. Look within the fellowship, cast out traditions, prove the ministers, and live for God.

Trevor Larsen

Fargo, ND

Workers attending: Jared Snyder, Greg Swenson, Mindy Yule, Suzanne McCorkell Facilitator

The facilitator opened the session by thanking the workers for attending and listening to concerns of the friends, and for relaying those concerns to the rest of the MidAtlantic staff. He stated we would be discussing “the broken and crying pleas of God’s people” and that this would be a difficult but necessary conversation.

Purpose of the session: to listen, hear, grieve, share, and educate. “We are a people in mourning because something we love has failed us. CSA and SA have been permitted and have become pervasive within our fellowship for years. Now is the opportunity for our cries to be heard.” It may be difficult to hear or share at some point; feel free to take a break or step out if needed. Primary focus of the meeting: CSA and SA as well as ideas for moving forward.

Session not intended for debating experiences or feelings. Instead, this is a time to express our cries. It is also a time for acknowledgement, input and suggestion of actions. It is also a time for accountability.

This meeting is not being recorded but notes are being taken for accountability and for the workers to take back to staff and overseers.

There were three victim stories shared. (Source: https://wingsfortruth.info/breaking-the silence-2/victim-stories )

“I can honestly say that the abuse has affected me at all stages of my life. It is something that is always there and continually has an effect on the way I think about myself, my relationships to others, how I see myself as a parent, a person. I wonder what my family – my relationships would have been without its presence.”

“In common with most victims of sexual assault, I suffered feelings of guilt. A number of questions bothered me- for example: Why did I allow it to happen? Why did I not immediately tell my parents? It has only been in the last few years that I have realized that I was in no way to blame and now I feel absolutely free to talk about the abuse without any shame or guilt.”

“God was and is everything to me. By the time I was 10 years old I put words to what I had always felt: I wish I was never born. By the time I was 12 I knew I could do something about it. At that point I always had a plan and always had access to the plan. The only reason I never committed suicide is because I believed in God and God was the only reason to live is God. My whole life was about surviving from one day to the next. And sometimes from one moment to the next. Always this state of fear, always a state of torment.”

The facilitator then shared definitions related to CSA and SA, statistics, magnitude of the issue and North Carolina mandated reporting requirements.

• CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) by NC Department of Health and Human Services definition: “Sexual activity with a child (a person under the age of 18) by an adult, adolescent or older child.” There are two types of CSA as part of this definition: Touching and Non-Touching CSA.
• Touching CSA includes: “Touching a child’s genitals, making a child touch someone else’s genitals, playing sexual games or putting objects or body parts into anal or vaginal areas.”
• Non-touching CSA includes: “Showing pornography to a child, exposing a person’s genitals to a child, prostituting (trafficking a child), photographing a child in sexual poses, encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person or on a video and/or watching a child undress or use the bathroom.”
• “Trauma results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life threatening with lasting effects on the individual’s functioning regarding mental, physical, social, emotional and/or spiritual well-being.”

According to the National Center on Child Abuse, 1 in 4 females in this country are sexually abused before the age of 18. 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 18. It is felt by the statistical gathering agencies that there is such a diversity of the number of men because men tend not to report!

• Sexual Assault in adults (those males and females over the age of 18) has many definitions. A simple definition would include, “Any unwanted forcible sexual activity (ranging from rape to fondling) by one adult towards another against their will.” Forcible here not only means using physical force but also intimidation threats towards loved ones, use of a weapon, and social media intimidation. Each state has any legal definitions of Sexual Assault.
• Factoring in unreported rapes, only 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. If rape is reported, there is a 50.8 % chance of an arrest. If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution. If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of a conviction. In other words, perpetrators have a greater chance to never become accountable for their crimes while victims will often be called to the stand to be revictimized in a public courtroom especially under cross examination.
• According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) statistics there are approximately 325, 566 victims of rape and sexual assault in the US every year. Also, according to RAINN there are 3.6 million cases of child abuse reported every year in the U.S.
• Grooming – Grooming is a process where a perpetrator establishes emotional connections with a child and/or their parent or primary caregiver to gain their trust and manipulate them.
• This has been a pervasive problem within the fellowship and ministry that unfortunately has been allowed to not only exist but to grow and cause extensive ripple effects. There are known to be hundreds of alleged perpetrators within the fellowship over the years, and statistically each perpetrator has multiple victims. Regardless of the range of average victims per perpetrator that is used, the statistics and studies on these issues tell us that only in the range of 5% of accusations are false, so we are talking about thousands of potential victims and survivors of abuse from within our fellowship.
• All adults are mandated reporters in North Carolina. Any person 18 years of age or older who knows or should have reasonably known that a juvenile has been or is the victim of a violent offense, sexual offense, or misdemeanor child abuse under G.S. 14-318.2 shall immediately 3 report the case of that juvenile to the appropriate local law enforcement agency in the county where the juvenile resides or is found.
• Good-Faith Immunity. A person who makes a report in good faith under this Article, cooperates with
• law enforcement in an investigation, or testifies in any judicial proceeding resulting from a law enforcement report or investigation is immune from any civil or criminal liability that might otherwise be incurred or imposed for that action, provided that person was acting in good faith.
• Child Sexual Abuse and Sexual Abuse is not only a civil and moral responsibility; failure to report is a criminal act.

Apology and repentance from Greg Swenson

• General apology: “This is a really big problem. Hundreds of names spanning decades have come to light because these crimes were never dealt with. As difficult as these conversations are, we are grateful that all is coming to light. Here on the East Coast, the ministry began training in 2010, which taught us about mandatory reporting laws. However, understanding these reporting laws is not enough. There is more to this problem than mandatory reporting.
• In recent months we have learned so much about the perspective of victims as well as the psychology of predators. It seems to me that a lot of the mishandling of abuse cases occurred due to people falling into a trap of misunderstanding. Failure to understand the trauma of victims and the manipulative ability of predators. They may be charismatic, do many good works. People wouldn’t suspect that person. They would never admit being a predator because part of their sickness is strong denial. So, it’s very easy to fall into the sphere of a predator’s influence. Predators groom everyone around their victim. That means they groom the victim’s family, friends and support network, which includes the ministry. We must believe the victims.
• On behalf of the ministry, I want to plainly state that we are very sorry for the historic mishandling of abuse. We want to learn how to respond better going forward, and be alongside you in helping address this crisis.

Jared:

A thought was mentioned to us that we often ask, “How many are being brought in?” But lately we could wonder, “How many have we driven away?” They have been driven away because of horrible experiences which have shattered their trust. We can fail people even if we haven’t committed these atrocities ourselves. When all of these revelations began, I remembered someone who reached out to me 20 years ago with a problem that I mishandled. I was moved to reach out and seek for a way to make it right. I was able to get her contact information and, with her permission, will share.

When she was 13, she was molested by one of the friends. She moved to another state for college and she depended on the elder of her meeting for a ride to meeting. He began to stalk her outside of meeting. He would sit outside her dorm. When she reported to the workers, she was discouraged by workers and friends from reporting to the police. Instead, she was moved to a different meeting. This was when she reached out to me, I was completely overwhelmed, didn’t know what to do about it at the time. I eventually forgot about it for about 20 years. Until this year, when the Lord made me understand how I failed her. Later in a third state, she witnessed a young child being molested by an elder. She was discouraged from testifying, as well as by another eyewitness to the molestation. So, this woman encountered abuse and cover ups across 3 states in our fellowship. These are not isolated incidents. She stressed that she is not bitter, only sad. She’s sad because of the corruption and because she was thrust out of the fellowship. She was “shoved” out of the church. I do believe she has just as much access to God, Christ and fellowship outside of our meetings, right where she is.

The crimes aren’t just terrible physical abuse, they are also spiritual abuse.

An important work has been revealed to me. Encourage people in Christ and have faith in our Lord. He loves us and will never hurt us.

Mindy:

I would like to personally and collectively apologize as well. This has caused damage far beyond what we can imagine or even know. We have no idea who all the victims are. Some may talk about it, if they do, we have no right to tell others for the sake of conversation. In our recent workshop, a professional said that only talking, tears, and time can heal trauma. We don’t know how long it will take to heal. The church, as one body, has been traumatized too. May we have patience and wisdom to see this work through.

Suzanne:

We are grieving, all of us. Grief has different stages. And we are all at different stages of that process. Self-examination for me has made me wonder, how many times have I acted like the priest or Levite, walking by on the other side of the road of the person who was injured? Maybe I didn’t know what to say or do. Sometimes people may ask, “Why are other’s sins being broadcast?” These aren’t just sins. They are crimes. They are against the law. It’s important we talk about them. Perpetrators are never going to tell the truth. They have everything to lose, but victims have already lost everything. We must believe the victims.

Speaker #1:

One thing that has frustrated me very much is learning how any predators have been moved around the country. It seems like overseers would learn of allegations and then take care of that not being able to happen again. Where is the accountability for that? What is the game plan for addressing the people who did this?

Speaker #2:

Reported for someone who couldn’t attend the session, but did want to participate. This person chose being with a victim today instead of attending this session. She requested everyone to please be loyal to the victim. Workers, be as tender as possible. She stated she believed our workers (who are attending today) are a shining light to the rest of the states, refreshing to see caring and compassion, less judgment.

Speaker #3:

How has abuse happened and why? It’s not surprising. I believe some workers have heard a call from God, maybe not all. There has been an expectation of unconditionally obeying and trusting. Respect has been demanded, to take workers at their word. This has created a paradise for pedophiles and a haven for abusers. In my childhood on the West Coast, I was strongly taught to trust, respect and obey the workers. Unconditionally. It was not subtle, it was explicit. Not long ago we received a letter from an overseer out there that reiterated that belief; disobeying the workers was likened to disobeying the words and judgements of God Himself. So, we practiced that growing up. Anyone who dissented from that was eventually expelled from our midst. When we first got married, our first worker company was a pedophile. And just this spring, our special meeting company has been revealed to be a pedophile. My trust is broken, and I doubt it will ever come back. I want to be very careful with my trust. We should never trust unconditionally except with our Father in heaven. Love is unconditional, yes. Not trust. I do trust the four workers sitting here because I’ve seen the fruits of their spirit. But I cannot say that for the ministry as a whole. Who do I allow in my home? Many overseers have lost my trust and I don’t believe it can ever be regained. We have full respect and trust in God and have love and compassion for victims.

Speaker #4:

Trust is like a fragile vase. If dropped and broken, it can’t be glued back together and be the same as before. I am very concerned about those in authority who have covered up crimes. I can’t fully trust those who hide a criminal, and then shun those who haven’t done anything wrong. My heart breaks for those who have been shunned and even excommunicated. I realize I must love, but also be wary. We need the armour of Christ now more than ever.

Speaker #5:

Thankful God protected me all my life, escaped the horrors that we’re hearing about. I did hear rumors / little inklings about wrongdoings that happened to my cousins, however. At first, I didn’t believe it, but now I know we must not discount these stories. There is a reason there is a legal system. While it can’t take away the scars of abuse, it should be used. God will use people to take care of this and I support those God is using.

Speaker #6:

Never thought we’d be gathered here because of what has come to light about abuse. In the “world”, we might expect to hear about it happening. These last four months have opened a floodgate of what has happened in the fellowship. I can hardly imagine; I feel for the victims. Changes are needed so that this won’t happen in the future for our children and grandchildren. We believe the victim. Glad there’s some money available for them, for financial help for counseling. But there’s not enough money in the world to help victims have a normal life; just can’t do it. Some say the Spirit has to lead to know what is right and wrong, so we don’t have a need for official guidelines. Why can’t our guidelines be Spirit-led? They are needed to help keep our children safe. The workers who have taken a stand have suffered; we all must take a stand to have a safe fellowship so the future is safe for all of us.

Speaker #7:

Courage is needed most. We are crushed by what we’ve learned, and some workers have had courage and their heart is in the right place. When I was a little child, I was aware of an abuse case that was covered up and even as a child I knew that was wrong. When CSA occurred, we should have spoken up even if we were not really heard in the past. The four workers here have been on the front lines. They are in the minority. We are in uncharted territory.

Speaker #8

The workers here today are in the minority in their efforts. And I fear many who are speaking out do not have support from leaders in this church. There are many states where these efforts are not happening. I am a grooming victim of a male worker that occurred about 30 years ago. Because of that experience, I wasn’t surprised to learn that abuse exists in our church, but I am stunned at the sheer scope of it. We are just learning a little of the scope of this problem, and I believe we’ve just seen only the tip of the iceberg. I do believe overseers have aided and abetted these abusers / criminals in the states and many countries. No action is a form of action. I do not have trust in them or their ability to correct this crisis going forward. It chills me to realize that abusers have had our trust before they ever crossed the threshold into our home. We have trusted workers in our home before, but this has changed how we think about this. The only way I see forward is total transparency and zero tolerance. I’ve been in touch with Cynthia Liles. She states that transparency is not occurring. I am committed to seeing this through, but I am not confident that our efforts today will make a difference under current leadership.

Mindy:

Jim Holt did contact Cynthia within the last week to vet our convention visitors list. Jared:

I would like to say that no one should ever feel judged or condemned for denying someone admittance to their home. Six months ago, I was very much ‘asleep’ and clueless about all of this. Without some speaking up, and continuing to, I would still be asleep. There is no going back to “normal”. I believe God is in the changes. We want to be in tune to His leadings.

Speaker #9

I suppose I should say something. I am an abuse victim. Often, we try to handle our abuse ourselves, without help. We are told we can go to God or to the workers but when our story falls on deaf ears, we are made to feel complicit in the sins against our own bodies. Predators look just like you and me. But, on the other side of the coin, they are sick. Some thoughts that run through a victim’s head might be, “Oh but he is our elder. Everyone loves him, who would ever believe me? If I tell this it’s going to hurt my mom, or our little meeting.” Did I ask for it? Surely, I am to blame for what he did. You don’t want to rock the boat? It’s already rocking on its own. We are the adults in the room. Our children cannot advocate for themselves, and they cannot fix this. So, we cannot leave it for them to fix. The hurt won’t become unhurt. The problem won’t go away.

Speaker # 10

One thing I have wrestled with throughout this…is thinking of how things ‘used to be’. I have very fond memories of conventions, meetings, get-togethers, etc. We thought things were so great, didn’t we? But they weren’t. For many, many among us it was a nightmare. I’m grateful this crisis is coming to light, because our children are still very small. This MUST be fixed now! But my fear is… this is a really big ship to turn around. We’re already out of time. For many, we ran out of time many years ago. Now we must be proactive and make guidelines, but we also must not stick just to that plan for 100 years, because that’s the thinking that got us in this mess. We must be willing to adapt and change. You know, I used to feel proud that our fellowship was global. I took pride in saying “my church is worldwide”. But now I feel sick, because that’s just more places where abuse has probably occurred. It’s a global problem. I ask you, what can we do to help right now?

Greg:

We all have a personal responsibility in this. The problem is way bigger than the ministry although the ministry is a big part of it. In my opinion, the ministry has been elevated much higher than Jesus intended. I know I felt called to share the gospel, not manage a church. I know others who feel the same. No wonder we are having a leadership crisis. Some have said “we put workers on a pedestal”. Well, the friends may have built a pedestal, but we climbed up on it. However, the New Testament church was not like that. I’ve been studying it recently to compare to us. They trusted individuals, like Peter, Paul or Timothy whom they knew well. There was no blanket trust to all who bore the title minister. I Peter 5 “I exhort you elders, I who am also an elder.” Peter didn’t climb on a pedestal. I highly respect our elders and friends, and their wisdom. If you see something to do and feel moved to do it, feel free. The time of waiting is past. I don’t think you will be excommunicated for speaking up. If that happens, call us. This needs to end; it must end forever. Doing the right thing will only be looked upon with favor by those who understand the problem. I think change will spread just like the gospel: on two feet, from the mouth of a friend. One conversation at a time.

Facilitator:

I’m going to take off my facilitator hat for a moment. When this all began about Dean Bruer, a good friend called and said, “Have you heard about Dean Bruer?” I thought, “Who in the world is Dean Bruer?” Well, I learned about what had come to light. I reached out to our workers here, Jared and Greg. And I said, “I think we need communication from the top”. And they said, “We think that too”. I realized then we had workers who are listening. I have also been devastated by the scope of the problem. I was shocked, hurt, angry. Because we all lost something. My sister said recently she recalls our dad saying, “If the workers tell you to do something, you do it without question.” That culture is a breeding ground for abuse and pedophiles. I believe we have elders and friends here who need to communicate with each other about how to protect our fellowship. We are not an island; we are in this together and I want to be a part of positive change.

Mindy:

I’d like to speak to the parents here. I had a friend who said her childhood was hard because the “rules of their home always changed”. My friend explained that her parents changed the rules according to the workers in their field at the time. This is confusing for children. Parents, you make the rules for your children. You are responsible before God for your own children. You have the final say about the rules in your home, not the workers.

Speaker #11 (speaking again)

I have heard the phrase ‘you’re out of your place’ some these last months. It’s often used to apply to people who speak up or think differently. Well, what is our place? Our place is whatever God says it is, not what men say. As long as we keep true to God, we can be confident in our place. We must not stay in the same old mindset. Women need to step up too, not just be submissive.

Speaker #12 (speaking again)

I was never explicitly taught by my parents to obey the workers. But I picked it up somehow. That’s how strong our culture is. A few months ago, we had special meeting company. There was a brother worker in our home, and I just felt very uncomfortable. Before I went to bed, I said to my husband “Go get our boys and bring them into our room. I want them in our room tonight.” So our children slept in our room. I wrestled with that all night. I felt guilty that I was “judging” someone based on a feeling. But I also felt sick that someone was sleeping under our roof that I was scared to have sleeping down the hall from our children. Then, we learned a few weeks later that this man is a pedophile. I thought, “Thank goodness, I did something” …. But did I? We should’ve not allowed that man in our home. If you are uncomfortable, speak up. You are not out of place doing that, you have every right to say if you are uncomfortable. I want to add I have never felt uncomfortable having these workers here today in our home.

Speaker #13 (speaking again)

Mothers here today, you have been on my mind so much. I can’t imagine how this must all feel to you who have children. Trust your instincts. That situation was given to you by God. We must watch over our children. I remember at our Shelby convention years ago; I noticed one of the brother workers watching the little children playing. There were also parents watching those children. I thought at the time, “Oh how nice that he is visiting with the children”. Well, now he’s been revealed to be a pedophile. It looked so innocent. No one would’ve guessed at the time. We must protect and watch our kids, keep our eyes open and be aware.

Speaker #14 (speaking again)

When I worked as a nurse, I often did postpartum home visits. We always told new mothers to trust their instincts. We even said, “If a doctor doesn’t believe you or contradicts your instincts, you listen to your gut”. Because no one knows your child like you do. I’ve found that a woman’s intuition, and especially a mother’s, is almost always right. I think the Holy Spirit is like that too. It nudges us. We want to be sensitive to those nudges.

Speaker #15

I’m changing the subject a bit here… but the overseers who have moved perpetrators around, are they not complicit in crimes committed after that?

Several in the room at once replied: Yes.

Speaker #16 (speaking again)

Mindy, you mentioned that Jim called Cynthia to vet our visitors list. I would ask that people involved with coverups also not speak at our conventions. I know of some who have come here in the past and now we know they covered up abuse.

Greg: If you become aware of anyone scheduled to visit and speak who would have been involved in a coverup, please reach out to Jim to let him know.

Speaker #17

When you all had your workshop, did the professionals give you anything to watch out for? Like warning signs?

Jared:

Well, this may not be encouraging… but yes and no. One professional who spoke with us was a retired FBI agent and had lots of experience working with CSA. He said the signs are so subtle. He was a professionally trained FBI agent and failed to catch a predator who was visiting in his own home.

Greg:

Yes, he said the most skilled investigators only catch deception about 50% of the time. This is why it’s so important that we believe the victims.

Mindy:

The agent also said that not one CSA predator he ever interviewed confessed. Only authorities are qualified to decide who is safe to be around and who isn’t. We workers are NOT qualified to do any investigating or to make those kinds of judgment calls.

Greg:

Also, it’s not enough just to lean on the legal system. Of course, we should report abuse. But we shouldn’t just say we will only pay attention if a person has been convicted of abuse. The conviction rate is very low. That’s why we have individual responsibility and why guidelines are being discussed.

Speaker # 18

Any one of us can at any time look up the sex offender registry online. We can look to see if we live near a convicted offender. But many of the predators in our midst do not have a conviction. Yet they do have allegations, some have numerous allegations. And we know those that are guilty. So, the allegations do matter, very much. Because where there is smoke, there is usually fire.

Facilitator:

Can you share any plans for conventions or convention policies?

Greg: This is actively being discussed right now. I believe Jim will bring this up at the overseers meeting which will occur next week.

Jared:

Maybe I can share this here, since this is our field. Personally, I plan to finish these listening tours to see them through, and then step away and rest for a year. That doesn’t mean I’m “gone” or disappearing. I’ll still be very much available; however, I’ve observed that despite all the darkness, there is very real health and stability among God’s people. And that does exist and can continue to exist without worker’s involvement. Again, I’ll still be available for conversations and help, but I’ll go home to rest for a year.

Facilitator:

We’ve been speaking together for over two hours now. I’d like to close with a thought on trust. In corporations, when something of this magnitude occurs, the CEO steps down. Even if they are not personally responsible/guilty, the CEO steps down because the crisis occurred on their watch. Of course, our fellowship isn’t a business. But we do need transparency and repentance and trust from the top. If we can’t trust the top, then what?? I see different things happening region to region, and that concerns me. I grew up believing we were one fellowship. I’d like to see that be a reality. I’d like to see unified change across the board. I’d like to see those in authority making unified decisions. I hope this can come out of the overseers meeting coming up.

Speaker # 18

We may need to pray for that.

Facilitator:

Yes, please pray for that. Pray. Meeting adjourned.

WINGS Note: This relates to the letter posted at https://wingsfortruth.info/2023/08/09/preparing-for-convention-at-clever-mo/

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With knowledge comes responsibility. We take our responsibility of hosting convention seriously, and we acknowledge that there are liabilities involved. We are thankful for the victim-survivors and others who have made us acutely aware of the safety concerns among us. With this knowledge, we must act to make changes. One of which is providing a safer environment for people to gather.

We will be putting in place the following guidelines to ensure we are doing all we can to create a more Safe and Edifying environment for God’s people to worship and have fellowship.*

1. Known Sexual Predators (Convicted/Accused/Alleged) will be barred from entering the Clever Convention Grounds.
2. We will not permit access to the convention grounds by anyone (including Workers) who has knowingly allowed a predator to continue to cause harm (EG: falling to warn Friends, covering up, or moving a sexual predator to another location).
3. We recommend that all individuals and families create a personal safety plan prior to arriving on the Grounds. Caregivers should review their safety plan with their children and educate them about all safety issues (including Fire, Natural Safety, as well as Personal safely).
4. Each child is to have a designated adult responsible for their care. Caregivers must monitor the safety and welfare of their children at all times
   1. Children will not be permitted to stay in the bunks without a caregiver — if you need help finding accommodations for your family, please reach out to us as soon as possible.
   1. Caregivers must monitor their children in the playground area, bathrooms, etc.
5. We will be assembling a Safety Monitoring Team, which will be responsible for addressing Security and Safety concerns:
6. A Dorm Dad/Mom will be assigned to provide more safety in Sleeping areas
7. Safety Rounds on grounds day and night
   1. 6am- 10pm: 10-15 safety monitors available at all times
   1. 10pm-6am: One male, one female

Two-hour shifts with rounds to monitor all areas for safety, including camper areas, bathrooms, and empty buildings (meeting shed, dining shed, cookhouse, etc)

• Members of the Safety Monitoring Team will:
  • Complete Ministry Safe and Mandatory Reporting Training
  • Have proper education on Child Safety
  • Be identified via a distinct method (EG: lanyard, etc)
• There will be a strict 10:00 pm curfew. No one may to enter dorms or grounds after 10:00pm
  • Possibly all dorm doors are locked at 10:00pm to prevent entry (for safety reasons, the exit will still be available).
• Campers/ tent/ Parking Lot areas
• Security Cameras
• Specific monitoring team designated for these areas
• No Wifi will be available on the grounds during preps or Convention.
• All Workers attending Clever Convention must have Ministry Safe Training, Mandatory Reporter training and be aware of and willing to address the issues of SA and CSA in our fellowship.

‘This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of all safety procedures. We are actively working to develop and finalize a more complete policy for our convention.

08/04/2023

Dear Friends,

We had a heartfelt meeting with Craig yesterday and feel reassured that he will lead us with Godly wisdom as we move forward with our convention plans this year.

Craig shared with us some information from the recent Overseers Meeting. He stated that each regional Overseer has freedom and responsibility to develop their region’s policies (including how to deal with SA and CSA) and that there is no intention to establish a unified policy. We’re comforted by the knowledge that Craig was given the authority to work with all of us to put policies in place that meet the needs of the people in our region, and is actively working on that.

We believe Craig understands the gravity of this responsibility and feel a bond of unity to work with him on this. During our meeting, while discussing our distress about wrong actions of the past, Craig said, “SA and CSA will stop with me.” He is adamant that our region has victim-survivor focused policies to create long-term solutions that protect the Friends and support victim-survivors.

We realize that we deeply need our convention this year. We intend to move forward with our convention; to do that, we must be confident that we can do our part in keeping all of you safe. We will be finalizing a safety plan in the next few weeks to create a safer environment and identify what is needed to implement it.

In addition to the safety plan, we are working with victim-survivors and others to make changes that will create a more physically and spiritually safe environment for all. Convention may look similar with camper and overnight stays, etc., but this does not mean it will be ‘business as usual.’ We stand firm in our decision that no alleged abusers or those who have been responsible for covering up abuse will be allowed to attend our convention. The past few months have changed all of us in different ways: we may each be at a different place in our journey, but we have grown from where we were four months ago.

We, and Craig, are concerned that we may be unable to complete safety measures and prepare convention grounds in time for our convention. We are aware we need help, even more than in previous years. If you have mandatory reporting training or education on child safety and would like to volunteer to help with convention safety, please reach out. We gladly welcome, and appreciate your help in both regards.

Sincerely,

Lecil and Gaby T