WINGS Note: The Northern NM notes immediately below were prepared and distributed by the workers. A second section has informal White Rock notes, prepared by a person present.
Summary- Not Verbatim- 6 pm July 3, 2023
Elder’s Wife prayed in audible voice.
The facilitators asked permission to be the facilitators, then started the meeting saying, “our role is to assure that the norms will be upheld and we want to respect the voices of all who are present.” The purpose is to discuss child sexual assault and sexual assault (CSA/SA). The ministry safe course defines CSA/SA as any tricked, forced, manipulated or coerced sexual activity for the pleasure of the abuser. Is the definition clear or would you like us to go into additional detail? It can be an emotional or mental abuse. Sexual abuse is an issue of epidemic proportions within our society and it has infiltrated our fellowship as well. We want to explain that we do have a note taker and we will be writing up a summary and sharing with everyone who had interest in attending this session. Names will not be included and we request confidentiality. If anyone present does decide to publish or post about our session online, please refrain from using names out of respect for those present. The same applies if anyone wants to record this.
There is a letter available that describes one woman’s personal experience with CSA. It is a hard letter to read, but also heartfelt. If you don’t know what this experience is like, it would be helpful to read the letter. This is not mandatory. This letter is not to be put online; we want to be respectful. She was willing to share the letter that we could understand.
Workers began with an apology.
We would like to begin by apologizing. As workers, we have been charged with the responsibility of caring for the Lord’s sheep. We have failed in that responsibility and we ask for your forgiveness. In Peter’s last conversation with Jesus, the Lord said, “if you love me, feed and shepherd my sheep.” Part of the responsibility of shepherding is providing a safe environment. We acknowledge that some things are beyond our ability to control, but there are certain dangers, such as CSA, that we can mitigate through education and awareness. By availing ourselves and others in our fellowship with training and educational resources, we purpose to do everything we can to eliminate CSA from our fellowship. Ignorance is not an excuse, though it is a reason why certain issues have slipped under the radar. We will no longer allow ignorance about CSA to be a reason for abuse to exist in our fellowship. When we know better, we can do better. Repentance means to change. An apology without repentance is hollow. Repentance requires an acknowledgment of failure coupled with a desire to change. We are here to listen to your concerns, and to try to answer your questions.
Facilitator: Are there any questions?
Brother: I do not keep up with news. I am not conscious of how wide spread this is. Is it in every state?
Worker response: One case is too many with CSA. If you have gone through the ministry safe course, you learned it goes through every age, race, culture, religion, and economic sector. We expect to be better, but we fail. CSA is carried on from generation to generation. At least 60- 70% of all abusers have been abused also. The problem has to do with power and trying to get power, it’s not just a sexual problem. Of my 12 years in Texas, I have not known of one case of workers being accused of CSA/SA. If there have been cases, I hope some will let us know. There are 30 workers, which multiplied by 12 would be 360 worker years. We have tried to educate people here in Texas. I cannot say about other states.
Question: What steps are being taken?
Worker response: Ministry safe training helps us recognize the red flags. It’s hard to counter abuse we do not know about. In the past, it has been assumed that workers knew, when they did not know sometimes. There could have been cases, I did not know about. This applies to workers and friends.
Sister: Anyone with a meeting in their home has been asked to take the ministry safe course. This training helps prevent CSA. We learn about grooming. Statistics say that abusers target not only children, but those who care for children. We are all responsible to recognize red flags.
Brother: I was abused by a brother worker in 1965. When he stayed with my family he slept in my room. My parents fully trusted workers; he and my dad were very close friends. I never talked about it until the CSA/SA scandal. Abuse can happen so quickly, I was 14 years old, a farm boy, I did not know abuse even existed. My father would not have believed me. It was not a subject that we ever even talked about.
Workers’ response: The Ministry Safe course is not the whole answer. Each one must be accountable to one another, and to God. One result of the workshop here in TX was more awareness and openness talking about abuse issues. One thing we decided is that we will never have a worker alone in a bedroom with someone’s child. Workers will avoid being alone with a child without awareness or presence of a parent. The typical way abuse happens is because parents had confidence in the predator because of grooming. We are educating parents to be watchful at home and at school.
Facilitator: Thank you for sharing your experience. Abusers have a very set behavior getting people to feel comfortable with them. Also, they are very good about keeping victims silent. That’s how it was able to go on such a long time with CSA/SA. There are other ways abusers have power. We learned 95% of children that speak about being abused are telling the truth, but very few will ever say anything. Everyone’s voice will be respected. This tragedy is largely against women and children. Respecting the voices of women and children is very important.
Sister: What are you doing to protect our children?
Worker response: We are being educated. In our workshop, we learned the long-lasting effect of CSA, the need for trained counselors and the importance of not questioning the child about the abuse. We must refer the case to trained advocates. Our part is to be watching. We are more aware of watching for red flags. In this ministry we have opportunity to observe the home life. We need to be telling parents to teach their children proper names for the private parts of the body, in case some abuse happens. Private parts are private.
Question: Concerning workers who travel alone?
Worker response: We are avoiding traveling alone as much as possible. We are accountable for our co-worker. We are making each other accountable as workers. We each have a phone that gives our location, so our co-worker knows where the other one is when we are apart, for instance at doctor’s appointments or walking. But in the homes, we will not visit in the home without our coworkers, or until there will be 2 adults (For example: one worker or two workers and one adult). Last year I was on the list as having a co-worker later, and then there was not a co-worker later. Going forward, we will put 3 names on the list together. Jesus sent us out two together, and two and two is the pattern. But at times there were 3 and sometimes Paul was alone.
Sister: Expressed concern about supervision if a predator comes into a meeting.
Worker response: If a known predator comes into a meeting, tell an elder or a worker. We are committed to following our published guidelines for those circumstances. Concern was expressed about restoring privileges to the victims. In the past, it seemed to some that we were partial to the predator. We want to restore privileges to the victims, and in doing so we are taking a stand about things we will not tolerate in our fellowship.
Facilitator: All of our actions have consequences. If abusers are repentant, they will accept consequences for their actions.
Brother: There is a very high risk that a pedophile will repeat the crime, because it is a mental disease.
Brother: Expressed concerns about past abuse and some guilty ones who were not punished by the law and are still in the fellowship?
Worker response: Wrong is wrong and must be addressed. When we hear a case, we assume it’s a fact. Every adult is legally required to report abuse. In some cases where the law does not prosecute, but if there still seems to be evidence of abuse, we are taking measures that will be executed within the specific church. We want all in the meeting to feel comfortable, the elders, the congregation, and the workers.
Sister: When a child is abused, it’s difficult to ask them to relive their trauma during an investigation.
Sister: That’s part of the problem. Abuse must be reported.
Worker response: The proper process is report. Get professional help and allow them to work with the child which usually prevents the child from having to make multiple statements. It’s not just workers but often it’s relatives that abuse or other adults who harm a child. It needs to be taken first to the authorities, then to the workers.
Facilitator read question: Question concerning the misuse of funds. Will a committee be formed to monitor finances?
Worker response: When we have funds that are more than we need, I give them to some of our friends who keep it in their name. They then would send it to workers overseas, or to someone in need, or to help workers at Pecan Grove. At least two Friends are named on each account. They know what it’s used for. We have funds in our pocket also.
Question: Would it be feasible to have different accounts and use debit cards instead of doing all in cash, so there is a record of receipts and expenditures?
Brother: If I thought funds would be misused, I would not contribute. I contribute because I feel God has moved me and I trust the one I give it to.
Facilitator read Question: Is there talk of any type of victim compensation?
Worker response: Privately we have given to victims. Hopefully we can develop some kind of account that there could be funds given as there’s a need.
Sister: Matt. 7:22 came to mind. Do not judge. Our judgment often is iniquity. That’s what we think and unless I know all about the situation it’s my own thinking. “Lord, we have prophesied…we have cast out devils…it is as their own judgment. My judgement is not good. I will trust God’s judgment.
Worker response: Part of being merciful is keeping our brother from temptation. What we know about pedophiles is that they do not often rehabilitate. We need to protect our children.
Worker response: Jesus words in Mt 7 help us understand that only by asking our Father can we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Only as we obey what he says to us, can we enter in at the straight gate that leads to life, and thus have judgement from above.
Worker response: One of the steps we have made is to set some guidelines. We need to be thoughtful of those who do not get email, and print out information for them. If we had written this six months ago it would be different now, because we know more. Here are some guidelines we have learned.
- Do not take a child in a room alone. We have followed that rule for years now.
- Never have a child over 6-8 months old in your lap unless parents say it’s OK.
- Resources for red flag behavior site. Examples so people can know what they are.
- Encourage people to take the safe ministry course.
- Provide links to the resources.
There are definitions, for what is secrecy, privacy and confidentiality.
- Secrecy: Secrecy is the desire to hide or withhold consequential, shameful information. The information in question negatively impacts the fellowship or another person. The practice of secrecy generally implies that appropriate disclosure of the information is necessary. Secrecy as described above is breeding ground for corruption and abuse of others.
- Privacy: Every individual has a right to privacy of his/her personal information for which there is no legitimate public concern or interest. Privacy: includes a person’s right to control access to his/her own information for which there is no legitimate public concern.
- Confidentiality: Refers to the obligation to protect sensitive or private information from being disclosed to unauthorized parties. It involves a promise or agreement to keep certain information that has been entrusted to your care.
Someone asked for a list of all accused of CSA. That is not legal. In a few weeks a judicial advocate will help us learn what we can publish and what we cannot (about abusers).
Secrecy, a point where it must be exposed to somebody. If you knew your child was guilty of this crime, you cannot be secretive about it. Sometimes we cannot expose, as in the case of no charges being made or we are liable to the law, especially concerning minors.
This is an ongoing process. This is the end of this discussion here, but there will be ongoing discussion. Discuss things with a worker you trust. There will likely be other sessions.
Prayer to close by a Brother.
Some expressed gratitude for the meeting. Others expressed that the workers should not bear the guilt because of the wrongs others have done.
Worker response: If you feel responsible, or if you feel guilty for others, it is like Ezra and Nehemiah when they said we have sinned. The fact that it’s part of our ministry makes it appropriate that we enter into that guilt. It’s the same spirit that Moses had and he did not want God to destroy the people.
White Rock Listening Session
Not 100% verbatim
This is in addition to the notes taken by a worker in attendance so I won’t duplicate if possible.
Worker: Is anyone using a tape recorder? If so, we need to know. No one replied in the affirmative of having a recorder. We have a designated (worker) to take notes, which everyone here will receive a copy.
Copying worker: Please speak slowly as I don’t write very fast (chuckles).
Worker: ________ will be the moderator. We will take a break in about an hour or so and then continue again.
Moderator: Welcomed everyone. Please be respectful and courteous. There’s some questions written down here and I will read them.
1st question: Are workers using donations for legal advice? If so, that seems likely to cause a perception of workers vs congregants.
Worker response: Hesitating…well yes. It’s being used to get legal wording in our directives.
Member: Are the funds being used for legal advice for any worker being accused of any type of sexual abuse?
Worker: Didn’t directly answer the question and then asked “are you saying we shouldn’t get/pay for legal advice for proper wording”?
Member: That’s not the point. The point is I don’t believe anyone would want their donation to be used for defending a sexual abuser, which is why there’s a need for financial transparency.
Moderator: Next question is about forming a committee for oversight/transparency purposes.
Worker: There’s no need for committee upon committee. It’s not needed.
Member: I was inappropriately sexually touched by a male worker when I was 14/15 years old in 1965. He got into my bed during the night and pushed his genitals up against my buttocks. I was petrified and didn’t move, hoping he would think I was asleep. He was there for what seemed like a long time, but in reality was probably a minute or two. He then left and went back to the twin bed in my room. No other advances were made. This was 58 years ago. No, I didn’t report it, because no one would have believed me. The worker and my father sang duets at gospel meetings. We were taught to never question anything the workers said, because it was as if whatever they said was straight from the mouth of God. I was terrified of workers at that time/age.
Worker: Grooming is what abusers do to gain trust. More discussion regarding grooming.
Member: The worker was never in our field and only in our home the one time which may have been special meeting rounds.
Worker: He groomed your father to trust him. Parents need to be more responsible in knowing where their children are to avoid abuse situations.
Worker: Tell the children to use correct wording when describing where and how they were touched. More discussion.
Member: I am getting upset when I hear workers basically blaming parents for their children getting abused by those they’re supposed to trust. What were my parent supposed to do…stand by my bed all night long? Trust was basically demanded/expected by the workers back then.
Workers: Apologies made.
Member: I’m not here for sympathy. I’m here to promote and ask for real and meaningful change. I’ve survived for 58 years so I’m reasonably confident I will survive for the rest of my life.
Member: What is the timeline for implementing changes to prevent abuse instead of just how to report it? The damage is already done is something has to be reported.
Worker: We really don’t have a timeline as we’re having more listening sessions in Texas in August.
Member: I believe there needs to be financial oversight. Had Dean Bruer’s expenses been able to be tracked, I sincerely believe he would’ve been stopped long before he died.
Worker: I don’t really see how that would help.
Member: I suggest that 1 or 2 bank accounts be established where all donations can either be done in person or via Venmo or any of several reliable electronic transfer apps.
Member: Yes, we’re going to a cashless society.
Member: Then each worker would be given a debit card specific for them. This way expenditures could easily be tracked for accountability/transparency. The debit cards would be restricted in that no cash withdrawals could be made, in order to protect against wrongful use.
Worker: I personally would be ok with doing it that way.
Worker: There’s two accounts set up in two of the friends names. We always receive more money that’s required for convention, so the excess goes into those accounts for travel and medical expenses. Those friends are notified of the request for funds and the funds are disbursed.
Member: So there’s no actual paper trail of requests, it’s just all verbal?
Worker: Yes.
Worker to member: ______, would you be willing/ok to do something like that?
Member: I will continue to give cash money whenever God moves me to do so. I don’t have a problem with how it’s now done.
Member: That’s not the point. Give whenever you want, just do it so funds can be traced. Then you don’t see the possibility of how funds were misused because there was no traceability/accountability?
Member: No response.
Member: There would be at least 4 trusted members who would get the monthly account statements to monitor for any questionable expenditures.
Worker: Any money you give and if it’s misused, then that’s not on you, it’s on the person that misuses the funds.
Member: But how/what are the plans to prevent abuse situations from happening?
Worker: We will watch each other closer. All workers have to take the Ministry Safe course and all New Mexico workers have.
Member: There’s been many times over the years that workers are sent alone to homes, such was the case with me in 1965.
Worker: I will not be doing that in the future. There will always be two together. We will not be alone in any room with children. I personally will stop holding children on my lap unless they’re basically babies/toddlers.
Member: Ministry Safe has been available for 15 years. Why does there have to be a course taken to recognize sexual abuse of any type is wrong? I know Ministry Safe teaches how to recognize perpetrators grooming methods etc. etc.
Worker: We are working towards rebuilding trust.
Member: Trust will be very difficult for some to give. Real change will help.
Worker: We plan to have follow up sessions in the future.
Member: There’s been some false allegations, correct?
Worker: Yes, a lady that had been abused by a man who, when he patted her on the back was “doing something up front” (they couldn’t say fondling breasts). When this same lady saw someone else pat a woman on the back, the lady was triggered and reported him for abuse, which was proven to not have happened.
Member: Right, we’re just taking the accusers’ word for what happened and there’s no proof anything happened.
Member: What king if proof do you require? What would satisfy you beyond a reasonable doubt that abuse had happened?
Member: Silent.
Member: That’s one of the main reasons that victims don’t come forward, because we won’t be believed, even by elders. Why do you think I waited 58 years?
Member: Silent.
Worker: 98% of the CSA cases reported by children are found to be true. 60-70% of the perpetrators have also been abused.
Member: I mostly because upset because Dean Bruer told me that I couldn’t participate in meetings because I’d been divorced and remarried. He said Jesus didn’t approve and neither do I/we. Yet Dean was ok with what he’d been doing for decades by engaging in illicit and possibly criminal behaviors. Very double standard. We had received approval from our elder and overseer George Petersen before we were married. There’s no unity regarding this.
Worker: I knew a lady that had been divorced and remarried. I told her I knew she wasn’t committing adultery. That’s why you need us workers to stand in the gap and take the consequences(?) meant for you. There are those who want to see this ministry completely destroyed and then who would be there for you?
WINGS for Truth 