News

Workers attending: Jared Snyder, Greg Swenson, Mindy Yule, Suzanne McCorkell Facilitator

The facilitator opened the session by thanking the workers for attending and listening to concerns of the friends, and for relaying those concerns to the rest of the MidAtlantic staff. He stated we would be discussing “the broken and crying pleas of God’s people” and that this would be a difficult but necessary conversation.

Purpose of the session: to listen, hear, grieve, share, and educate. “We are a people in mourning because something we love has failed us. CSA and SA have been permitted and have become pervasive within our fellowship for years. Now is the opportunity for our cries to be heard.” It may be difficult to hear or share at some point; feel free to take a break or step out if needed. Primary focus of the meeting: CSA and SA as well as ideas for moving forward.

Session not intended for debating experiences or feelings. Instead, this is a time to express our cries. It is also a time for acknowledgement, input and suggestion of actions. It is also a time for accountability.

This meeting is not being recorded but notes are being taken for accountability and for the workers to take back to staff and overseers.

There were three victim stories shared. (Source: https://wingsfortruth.info/breaking-the silence-2/victim-stories )

“I can honestly say that the abuse has affected me at all stages of my life. It is something that is always there and continually has an effect on the way I think about myself, my relationships to others, how I see myself as a parent, a person. I wonder what my family – my relationships would have been without its presence.”

“In common with most victims of sexual assault, I suffered feelings of guilt. A number of questions bothered me- for example: Why did I allow it to happen? Why did I not immediately tell my parents? It has only been in the last few years that I have realized that I was in no way to blame and now I feel absolutely free to talk about the abuse without any shame or guilt.”

“God was and is everything to me. By the time I was 10 years old I put words to what I had always felt: I wish I was never born. By the time I was 12 I knew I could do something about it. At that point I always had a plan and always had access to the plan. The only reason I never committed suicide is because I believed in God and God was the only reason to live is God. My whole life was about surviving from one day to the next. And sometimes from one moment to the next. Always this state of fear, always a state of torment.”

The facilitator then shared definitions related to CSA and SA, statistics, magnitude of the issue and North Carolina mandated reporting requirements.

• CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) by NC Department of Health and Human Services definition: “Sexual activity with a child (a person under the age of 18) by an adult, adolescent or older child.” There are two types of CSA as part of this definition: Touching and Non-Touching CSA.
• Touching CSA includes: “Touching a child’s genitals, making a child touch someone else’s genitals, playing sexual games or putting objects or body parts into anal or vaginal areas.”
• Non-touching CSA includes: “Showing pornography to a child, exposing a person’s genitals to a child, prostituting (trafficking a child), photographing a child in sexual poses, encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person or on a video and/or watching a child undress or use the bathroom.”
• “Trauma results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life threatening with lasting effects on the individual’s functioning regarding mental, physical, social, emotional and/or spiritual well-being.”

According to the National Center on Child Abuse, 1 in 4 females in this country are sexually abused before the age of 18. 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 18. It is felt by the statistical gathering agencies that there is such a diversity of the number of men because men tend not to report!

• Sexual Assault in adults (those males and females over the age of 18) has many definitions. A simple definition would include, “Any unwanted forcible sexual activity (ranging from rape to fondling) by one adult towards another against their will.” Forcible here not only means using physical force but also intimidation threats towards loved ones, use of a weapon, and social media intimidation. Each state has any legal definitions of Sexual Assault.
• Factoring in unreported rapes, only 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. If rape is reported, there is a 50.8 % chance of an arrest. If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution. If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of a conviction. In other words, perpetrators have a greater chance to never become accountable for their crimes while victims will often be called to the stand to be revictimized in a public courtroom especially under cross examination.
• According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) statistics there are approximately 325, 566 victims of rape and sexual assault in the US every year. Also, according to RAINN there are 3.6 million cases of child abuse reported every year in the U.S.
• Grooming – Grooming is a process where a perpetrator establishes emotional connections with a child and/or their parent or primary caregiver to gain their trust and manipulate them.
• This has been a pervasive problem within the fellowship and ministry that unfortunately has been allowed to not only exist but to grow and cause extensive ripple effects. There are known to be hundreds of alleged perpetrators within the fellowship over the years, and statistically each perpetrator has multiple victims. Regardless of the range of average victims per perpetrator that is used, the statistics and studies on these issues tell us that only in the range of 5% of accusations are false, so we are talking about thousands of potential victims and survivors of abuse from within our fellowship.
• All adults are mandated reporters in North Carolina. Any person 18 years of age or older who knows or should have reasonably known that a juvenile has been or is the victim of a violent offense, sexual offense, or misdemeanor child abuse under G.S. 14-318.2 shall immediately 3 report the case of that juvenile to the appropriate local law enforcement agency in the county where the juvenile resides or is found.
• Good-Faith Immunity. A person who makes a report in good faith under this Article, cooperates with
• law enforcement in an investigation, or testifies in any judicial proceeding resulting from a law enforcement report or investigation is immune from any civil or criminal liability that might otherwise be incurred or imposed for that action, provided that person was acting in good faith.
• Child Sexual Abuse and Sexual Abuse is not only a civil and moral responsibility; failure to report is a criminal act.

Apology and repentance from Greg Swenson

• General apology: “This is a really big problem. Hundreds of names spanning decades have come to light because these crimes were never dealt with. As difficult as these conversations are, we are grateful that all is coming to light. Here on the East Coast, the ministry began training in 2010, which taught us about mandatory reporting laws. However, understanding these reporting laws is not enough. There is more to this problem than mandatory reporting.
• In recent months we have learned so much about the perspective of victims as well as the psychology of predators. It seems to me that a lot of the mishandling of abuse cases occurred due to people falling into a trap of misunderstanding. Failure to understand the trauma of victims and the manipulative ability of predators. They may be charismatic, do many good works. People wouldn’t suspect that person. They would never admit being a predator because part of their sickness is strong denial. So, it’s very easy to fall into the sphere of a predator’s influence. Predators groom everyone around their victim. That means they groom the victim’s family, friends and support network, which includes the ministry. We must believe the victims.
• On behalf of the ministry, I want to plainly state that we are very sorry for the historic mishandling of abuse. We want to learn how to respond better going forward, and be alongside you in helping address this crisis.

Jared:

A thought was mentioned to us that we often ask, “How many are being brought in?” But lately we could wonder, “How many have we driven away?” They have been driven away because of horrible experiences which have shattered their trust. We can fail people even if we haven’t committed these atrocities ourselves. When all of these revelations began, I remembered someone who reached out to me 20 years ago with a problem that I mishandled. I was moved to reach out and seek for a way to make it right. I was able to get her contact information and, with her permission, will share.

When she was 13, she was molested by one of the friends. She moved to another state for college and she depended on the elder of her meeting for a ride to meeting. He began to stalk her outside of meeting. He would sit outside her dorm. When she reported to the workers, she was discouraged by workers and friends from reporting to the police. Instead, she was moved to a different meeting. This was when she reached out to me, I was completely overwhelmed, didn’t know what to do about it at the time. I eventually forgot about it for about 20 years. Until this year, when the Lord made me understand how I failed her. Later in a third state, she witnessed a young child being molested by an elder. She was discouraged from testifying, as well as by another eyewitness to the molestation. So, this woman encountered abuse and cover ups across 3 states in our fellowship. These are not isolated incidents. She stressed that she is not bitter, only sad. She’s sad because of the corruption and because she was thrust out of the fellowship. She was “shoved” out of the church. I do believe she has just as much access to God, Christ and fellowship outside of our meetings, right where she is.

The crimes aren’t just terrible physical abuse, they are also spiritual abuse.

An important work has been revealed to me. Encourage people in Christ and have faith in our Lord. He loves us and will never hurt us.

Mindy:

I would like to personally and collectively apologize as well. This has caused damage far beyond what we can imagine or even know. We have no idea who all the victims are. Some may talk about it, if they do, we have no right to tell others for the sake of conversation. In our recent workshop, a professional said that only talking, tears, and time can heal trauma. We don’t know how long it will take to heal. The church, as one body, has been traumatized too. May we have patience and wisdom to see this work through.

Suzanne:

We are grieving, all of us. Grief has different stages. And we are all at different stages of that process. Self-examination for me has made me wonder, how many times have I acted like the priest or Levite, walking by on the other side of the road of the person who was injured? Maybe I didn’t know what to say or do. Sometimes people may ask, “Why are other’s sins being broadcast?” These aren’t just sins. They are crimes. They are against the law. It’s important we talk about them. Perpetrators are never going to tell the truth. They have everything to lose, but victims have already lost everything. We must believe the victims.

Speaker #1:

One thing that has frustrated me very much is learning how any predators have been moved around the country. It seems like overseers would learn of allegations and then take care of that not being able to happen again. Where is the accountability for that? What is the game plan for addressing the people who did this?

Speaker #2:

Reported for someone who couldn’t attend the session, but did want to participate. This person chose being with a victim today instead of attending this session. She requested everyone to please be loyal to the victim. Workers, be as tender as possible. She stated she believed our workers (who are attending today) are a shining light to the rest of the states, refreshing to see caring and compassion, less judgment.

Speaker #3:

How has abuse happened and why? It’s not surprising. I believe some workers have heard a call from God, maybe not all. There has been an expectation of unconditionally obeying and trusting. Respect has been demanded, to take workers at their word. This has created a paradise for pedophiles and a haven for abusers. In my childhood on the West Coast, I was strongly taught to trust, respect and obey the workers. Unconditionally. It was not subtle, it was explicit. Not long ago we received a letter from an overseer out there that reiterated that belief; disobeying the workers was likened to disobeying the words and judgements of God Himself. So, we practiced that growing up. Anyone who dissented from that was eventually expelled from our midst. When we first got married, our first worker company was a pedophile. And just this spring, our special meeting company has been revealed to be a pedophile. My trust is broken, and I doubt it will ever come back. I want to be very careful with my trust. We should never trust unconditionally except with our Father in heaven. Love is unconditional, yes. Not trust. I do trust the four workers sitting here because I’ve seen the fruits of their spirit. But I cannot say that for the ministry as a whole. Who do I allow in my home? Many overseers have lost my trust and I don’t believe it can ever be regained. We have full respect and trust in God and have love and compassion for victims.

Speaker #4:

Trust is like a fragile vase. If dropped and broken, it can’t be glued back together and be the same as before. I am very concerned about those in authority who have covered up crimes. I can’t fully trust those who hide a criminal, and then shun those who haven’t done anything wrong. My heart breaks for those who have been shunned and even excommunicated. I realize I must love, but also be wary. We need the armour of Christ now more than ever.

Speaker #5:

Thankful God protected me all my life, escaped the horrors that we’re hearing about. I did hear rumors / little inklings about wrongdoings that happened to my cousins, however. At first, I didn’t believe it, but now I know we must not discount these stories. There is a reason there is a legal system. While it can’t take away the scars of abuse, it should be used. God will use people to take care of this and I support those God is using.

Speaker #6:

Never thought we’d be gathered here because of what has come to light about abuse. In the “world”, we might expect to hear about it happening. These last four months have opened a floodgate of what has happened in the fellowship. I can hardly imagine; I feel for the victims. Changes are needed so that this won’t happen in the future for our children and grandchildren. We believe the victim. Glad there’s some money available for them, for financial help for counseling. But there’s not enough money in the world to help victims have a normal life; just can’t do it. Some say the Spirit has to lead to know what is right and wrong, so we don’t have a need for official guidelines. Why can’t our guidelines be Spirit-led? They are needed to help keep our children safe. The workers who have taken a stand have suffered; we all must take a stand to have a safe fellowship so the future is safe for all of us.

Speaker #7:

Courage is needed most. We are crushed by what we’ve learned, and some workers have had courage and their heart is in the right place. When I was a little child, I was aware of an abuse case that was covered up and even as a child I knew that was wrong. When CSA occurred, we should have spoken up even if we were not really heard in the past. The four workers here have been on the front lines. They are in the minority. We are in uncharted territory.

Speaker #8

The workers here today are in the minority in their efforts. And I fear many who are speaking out do not have support from leaders in this church. There are many states where these efforts are not happening. I am a grooming victim of a male worker that occurred about 30 years ago. Because of that experience, I wasn’t surprised to learn that abuse exists in our church, but I am stunned at the sheer scope of it. We are just learning a little of the scope of this problem, and I believe we’ve just seen only the tip of the iceberg. I do believe overseers have aided and abetted these abusers / criminals in the states and many countries. No action is a form of action. I do not have trust in them or their ability to correct this crisis going forward. It chills me to realize that abusers have had our trust before they ever crossed the threshold into our home. We have trusted workers in our home before, but this has changed how we think about this. The only way I see forward is total transparency and zero tolerance. I’ve been in touch with Cynthia Liles. She states that transparency is not occurring. I am committed to seeing this through, but I am not confident that our efforts today will make a difference under current leadership.

Mindy:

Jim Holt did contact Cynthia within the last week to vet our convention visitors list. Jared:

I would like to say that no one should ever feel judged or condemned for denying someone admittance to their home. Six months ago, I was very much ‘asleep’ and clueless about all of this. Without some speaking up, and continuing to, I would still be asleep. There is no going back to “normal”. I believe God is in the changes. We want to be in tune to His leadings.

Speaker #9

I suppose I should say something. I am an abuse victim. Often, we try to handle our abuse ourselves, without help. We are told we can go to God or to the workers but when our story falls on deaf ears, we are made to feel complicit in the sins against our own bodies. Predators look just like you and me. But, on the other side of the coin, they are sick. Some thoughts that run through a victim’s head might be, “Oh but he is our elder. Everyone loves him, who would ever believe me? If I tell this it’s going to hurt my mom, or our little meeting.” Did I ask for it? Surely, I am to blame for what he did. You don’t want to rock the boat? It’s already rocking on its own. We are the adults in the room. Our children cannot advocate for themselves, and they cannot fix this. So, we cannot leave it for them to fix. The hurt won’t become unhurt. The problem won’t go away.

Speaker # 10

One thing I have wrestled with throughout this…is thinking of how things ‘used to be’. I have very fond memories of conventions, meetings, get-togethers, etc. We thought things were so great, didn’t we? But they weren’t. For many, many among us it was a nightmare. I’m grateful this crisis is coming to light, because our children are still very small. This MUST be fixed now! But my fear is… this is a really big ship to turn around. We’re already out of time. For many, we ran out of time many years ago. Now we must be proactive and make guidelines, but we also must not stick just to that plan for 100 years, because that’s the thinking that got us in this mess. We must be willing to adapt and change. You know, I used to feel proud that our fellowship was global. I took pride in saying “my church is worldwide”. But now I feel sick, because that’s just more places where abuse has probably occurred. It’s a global problem. I ask you, what can we do to help right now?

Greg:

We all have a personal responsibility in this. The problem is way bigger than the ministry although the ministry is a big part of it. In my opinion, the ministry has been elevated much higher than Jesus intended. I know I felt called to share the gospel, not manage a church. I know others who feel the same. No wonder we are having a leadership crisis. Some have said “we put workers on a pedestal”. Well, the friends may have built a pedestal, but we climbed up on it. However, the New Testament church was not like that. I’ve been studying it recently to compare to us. They trusted individuals, like Peter, Paul or Timothy whom they knew well. There was no blanket trust to all who bore the title minister. I Peter 5 “I exhort you elders, I who am also an elder.” Peter didn’t climb on a pedestal. I highly respect our elders and friends, and their wisdom. If you see something to do and feel moved to do it, feel free. The time of waiting is past. I don’t think you will be excommunicated for speaking up. If that happens, call us. This needs to end; it must end forever. Doing the right thing will only be looked upon with favor by those who understand the problem. I think change will spread just like the gospel: on two feet, from the mouth of a friend. One conversation at a time.

Facilitator:

I’m going to take off my facilitator hat for a moment. When this all began about Dean Bruer, a good friend called and said, “Have you heard about Dean Bruer?” I thought, “Who in the world is Dean Bruer?” Well, I learned about what had come to light. I reached out to our workers here, Jared and Greg. And I said, “I think we need communication from the top”. And they said, “We think that too”. I realized then we had workers who are listening. I have also been devastated by the scope of the problem. I was shocked, hurt, angry. Because we all lost something. My sister said recently she recalls our dad saying, “If the workers tell you to do something, you do it without question.” That culture is a breeding ground for abuse and pedophiles. I believe we have elders and friends here who need to communicate with each other about how to protect our fellowship. We are not an island; we are in this together and I want to be a part of positive change.

Mindy:

I’d like to speak to the parents here. I had a friend who said her childhood was hard because the “rules of their home always changed”. My friend explained that her parents changed the rules according to the workers in their field at the time. This is confusing for children. Parents, you make the rules for your children. You are responsible before God for your own children. You have the final say about the rules in your home, not the workers.

Speaker #11 (speaking again)

I have heard the phrase ‘you’re out of your place’ some these last months. It’s often used to apply to people who speak up or think differently. Well, what is our place? Our place is whatever God says it is, not what men say. As long as we keep true to God, we can be confident in our place. We must not stay in the same old mindset. Women need to step up too, not just be submissive.

Speaker #12 (speaking again)

I was never explicitly taught by my parents to obey the workers. But I picked it up somehow. That’s how strong our culture is. A few months ago, we had special meeting company. There was a brother worker in our home, and I just felt very uncomfortable. Before I went to bed, I said to my husband “Go get our boys and bring them into our room. I want them in our room tonight.” So our children slept in our room. I wrestled with that all night. I felt guilty that I was “judging” someone based on a feeling. But I also felt sick that someone was sleeping under our roof that I was scared to have sleeping down the hall from our children. Then, we learned a few weeks later that this man is a pedophile. I thought, “Thank goodness, I did something” …. But did I? We should’ve not allowed that man in our home. If you are uncomfortable, speak up. You are not out of place doing that, you have every right to say if you are uncomfortable. I want to add I have never felt uncomfortable having these workers here today in our home.

Speaker #13 (speaking again)

Mothers here today, you have been on my mind so much. I can’t imagine how this must all feel to you who have children. Trust your instincts. That situation was given to you by God. We must watch over our children. I remember at our Shelby convention years ago; I noticed one of the brother workers watching the little children playing. There were also parents watching those children. I thought at the time, “Oh how nice that he is visiting with the children”. Well, now he’s been revealed to be a pedophile. It looked so innocent. No one would’ve guessed at the time. We must protect and watch our kids, keep our eyes open and be aware.

Speaker #14 (speaking again)

When I worked as a nurse, I often did postpartum home visits. We always told new mothers to trust their instincts. We even said, “If a doctor doesn’t believe you or contradicts your instincts, you listen to your gut”. Because no one knows your child like you do. I’ve found that a woman’s intuition, and especially a mother’s, is almost always right. I think the Holy Spirit is like that too. It nudges us. We want to be sensitive to those nudges.

Speaker #15

I’m changing the subject a bit here… but the overseers who have moved perpetrators around, are they not complicit in crimes committed after that?

Several in the room at once replied: Yes.

Speaker #16 (speaking again)

Mindy, you mentioned that Jim called Cynthia to vet our visitors list. I would ask that people involved with coverups also not speak at our conventions. I know of some who have come here in the past and now we know they covered up abuse.

Greg: If you become aware of anyone scheduled to visit and speak who would have been involved in a coverup, please reach out to Jim to let him know.

Speaker #17

When you all had your workshop, did the professionals give you anything to watch out for? Like warning signs?

Jared:

Well, this may not be encouraging… but yes and no. One professional who spoke with us was a retired FBI agent and had lots of experience working with CSA. He said the signs are so subtle. He was a professionally trained FBI agent and failed to catch a predator who was visiting in his own home.

Greg:

Yes, he said the most skilled investigators only catch deception about 50% of the time. This is why it’s so important that we believe the victims.

Mindy:

The agent also said that not one CSA predator he ever interviewed confessed. Only authorities are qualified to decide who is safe to be around and who isn’t. We workers are NOT qualified to do any investigating or to make those kinds of judgment calls.

Greg:

Also, it’s not enough just to lean on the legal system. Of course, we should report abuse. But we shouldn’t just say we will only pay attention if a person has been convicted of abuse. The conviction rate is very low. That’s why we have individual responsibility and why guidelines are being discussed.

Speaker # 18

Any one of us can at any time look up the sex offender registry online. We can look to see if we live near a convicted offender. But many of the predators in our midst do not have a conviction. Yet they do have allegations, some have numerous allegations. And we know those that are guilty. So, the allegations do matter, very much. Because where there is smoke, there is usually fire.

Facilitator:

Can you share any plans for conventions or convention policies?

Greg: This is actively being discussed right now. I believe Jim will bring this up at the overseers meeting which will occur next week.

Jared:

Maybe I can share this here, since this is our field. Personally, I plan to finish these listening tours to see them through, and then step away and rest for a year. That doesn’t mean I’m “gone” or disappearing. I’ll still be very much available; however, I’ve observed that despite all the darkness, there is very real health and stability among God’s people. And that does exist and can continue to exist without worker’s involvement. Again, I’ll still be available for conversations and help, but I’ll go home to rest for a year.

Facilitator:

We’ve been speaking together for over two hours now. I’d like to close with a thought on trust. In corporations, when something of this magnitude occurs, the CEO steps down. Even if they are not personally responsible/guilty, the CEO steps down because the crisis occurred on their watch. Of course, our fellowship isn’t a business. But we do need transparency and repentance and trust from the top. If we can’t trust the top, then what?? I see different things happening region to region, and that concerns me. I grew up believing we were one fellowship. I’d like to see that be a reality. I’d like to see unified change across the board. I’d like to see those in authority making unified decisions. I hope this can come out of the overseers meeting coming up.

Speaker # 18

We may need to pray for that.

Facilitator:

Yes, please pray for that. Pray. Meeting adjourned.

WINGS Note: This relates to the letter posted at https://wingsfortruth.info/2023/08/09/preparing-for-convention-at-clever-mo/

---

With knowledge comes responsibility. We take our responsibility of hosting convention seriously, and we acknowledge that there are liabilities involved. We are thankful for the victim-survivors and others who have made us acutely aware of the safety concerns among us. With this knowledge, we must act to make changes. One of which is providing a safer environment for people to gather.

We will be putting in place the following guidelines to ensure we are doing all we can to create a more Safe and Edifying environment for God’s people to worship and have fellowship.*

1. Known Sexual Predators (Convicted/Accused/Alleged) will be barred from entering the Clever Convention Grounds.
2. We will not permit access to the convention grounds by anyone (including Workers) who has knowingly allowed a predator to continue to cause harm (EG: falling to warn Friends, covering up, or moving a sexual predator to another location).
3. We recommend that all individuals and families create a personal safety plan prior to arriving on the Grounds. Caregivers should review their safety plan with their children and educate them about all safety issues (including Fire, Natural Safety, as well as Personal safely).
4. Each child is to have a designated adult responsible for their care. Caregivers must monitor the safety and welfare of their children at all times
   1. Children will not be permitted to stay in the bunks without a caregiver — if you need help finding accommodations for your family, please reach out to us as soon as possible.
   1. Caregivers must monitor their children in the playground area, bathrooms, etc.
5. We will be assembling a Safety Monitoring Team, which will be responsible for addressing Security and Safety concerns:
6. A Dorm Dad/Mom will be assigned to provide more safety in Sleeping areas
7. Safety Rounds on grounds day and night
   1. 6am- 10pm: 10-15 safety monitors available at all times
   1. 10pm-6am: One male, one female

Two-hour shifts with rounds to monitor all areas for safety, including camper areas, bathrooms, and empty buildings (meeting shed, dining shed, cookhouse, etc)

• Members of the Safety Monitoring Team will:
  • Complete Ministry Safe and Mandatory Reporting Training
  • Have proper education on Child Safety
  • Be identified via a distinct method (EG: lanyard, etc)
• There will be a strict 10:00 pm curfew. No one may to enter dorms or grounds after 10:00pm
  • Possibly all dorm doors are locked at 10:00pm to prevent entry (for safety reasons, the exit will still be available).
• Campers/ tent/ Parking Lot areas
• Security Cameras
• Specific monitoring team designated for these areas
• No Wifi will be available on the grounds during preps or Convention.
• All Workers attending Clever Convention must have Ministry Safe Training, Mandatory Reporter training and be aware of and willing to address the issues of SA and CSA in our fellowship.

‘This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of all safety procedures. We are actively working to develop and finalize a more complete policy for our convention.

08/04/2023

Dear Friends,

We had a heartfelt meeting with Craig yesterday and feel reassured that he will lead us with Godly wisdom as we move forward with our convention plans this year.

Craig shared with us some information from the recent Overseers Meeting. He stated that each regional Overseer has freedom and responsibility to develop their region’s policies (including how to deal with SA and CSA) and that there is no intention to establish a unified policy. We’re comforted by the knowledge that Craig was given the authority to work with all of us to put policies in place that meet the needs of the people in our region, and is actively working on that.

We believe Craig understands the gravity of this responsibility and feel a bond of unity to work with him on this. During our meeting, while discussing our distress about wrong actions of the past, Craig said, “SA and CSA will stop with me.” He is adamant that our region has victim-survivor focused policies to create long-term solutions that protect the Friends and support victim-survivors.

We realize that we deeply need our convention this year. We intend to move forward with our convention; to do that, we must be confident that we can do our part in keeping all of you safe. We will be finalizing a safety plan in the next few weeks to create a safer environment and identify what is needed to implement it.

In addition to the safety plan, we are working with victim-survivors and others to make changes that will create a more physically and spiritually safe environment for all. Convention may look similar with camper and overnight stays, etc., but this does not mean it will be ‘business as usual.’ We stand firm in our decision that no alleged abusers or those who have been responsible for covering up abuse will be allowed to attend our convention. The past few months have changed all of us in different ways: we may each be at a different place in our journey, but we have grown from where we were four months ago.

We, and Craig, are concerned that we may be unable to complete safety measures and prepare convention grounds in time for our convention. We are aware we need help, even more than in previous years. If you have mandatory reporting training or education on child safety and would like to volunteer to help with convention safety, please reach out. We gladly welcome, and appreciate your help in both regards.

Sincerely,

Lecil and Gaby T

WINGS Note: The Northern NM notes immediately below were prepared and distributed by the workers. A second section has informal White Rock notes, prepared by a person present.

---

Summary- Not Verbatim- 6 pm July 3, 2023

Elder’s Wife prayed in audible voice.

The facilitators asked permission to be the facilitators, then started the meeting saying, “our role is to assure that the norms will be upheld and we want to respect the voices of all who are present.” The purpose is to discuss child sexual assault and sexual assault (CSA/SA). The ministry safe course defines CSA/SA as any tricked, forced, manipulated or coerced sexual activity for the pleasure of the abuser. Is the definition clear or would you like us to go into additional detail? It can be an emotional or mental abuse. Sexual abuse is an issue of epidemic proportions within our society and it has infiltrated our fellowship as well. We want to explain that we do have a note taker and we will be writing up a summary and sharing with everyone who had interest in attending this session. Names will not be included and we request confidentiality. If anyone present does decide to publish or post about our session online, please refrain from using names out of respect for those present. The same applies if anyone wants to record this.

There is a letter available that describes one woman’s personal experience with CSA. It is a hard letter to read, but also heartfelt. If you don’t know what this experience is like, it would be helpful to read the letter. This is not mandatory. This letter is not to be put online; we want to be respectful. She was willing to share the letter that we could understand.

Workers began with an apology.

We would like to begin by apologizing. As workers, we have been charged with the responsibility of caring for the Lord’s sheep. We have failed in that responsibility and we ask for your forgiveness. In Peter’s last conversation with Jesus, the Lord said, “if you love me, feed and shepherd my sheep.” Part of the responsibility of shepherding is providing a safe environment. We acknowledge that some things are beyond our ability to control, but there are certain dangers, such as CSA, that we can mitigate through education and awareness. By availing ourselves and others in our fellowship with training and educational resources, we purpose to do everything we can to eliminate CSA from our fellowship. Ignorance is not an excuse, though it is a reason why certain issues have slipped under the radar. We will no longer allow ignorance about CSA to be a reason for abuse to exist in our fellowship. When we know better, we can do better. Repentance means to change. An apology without repentance is hollow. Repentance requires an acknowledgment of failure coupled with a desire to change. We are here to listen to your concerns, and to try to answer your questions. 

Facilitator: Are there any questions? 

Brother: I do not keep up with news. I am not conscious of how wide spread this is. Is it in every state?

Worker response: One case is too many with CSA. If you have gone through the ministry safe course, you learned it goes through every age, race, culture, religion, and economic sector. We expect to be better, but we fail. CSA is carried on from generation to generation. At least 60- 70% of all abusers have been abused also. The problem has to do with power and trying to get power, it’s not just a sexual problem. Of my 12 years in Texas, I have not known of one case of workers being accused of CSA/SA. If there have been cases, I hope some will let us know. There are 30 workers, which multiplied by 12 would be 360 worker years. We have tried to educate people here in Texas. I cannot say about other states.

Question: What steps are being taken?  

Worker response: Ministry safe training helps us recognize the red flags. It’s hard to counter abuse we do not know about. In the past, it has been assumed that workers knew, when they did not know sometimes. There could have been cases, I did not know about. This applies to workers and friends.

Sister: Anyone with a meeting in their home has been asked to take the ministry safe course. This training helps prevent CSA. We learn about grooming. Statistics say that abusers target not only children, but those who care for children. We are all responsible to recognize red flags. 

Brother: I was abused by a brother worker in 1965. When he stayed with my family he slept in my room. My parents fully trusted workers; he and my dad were very close friends. I never talked about it until the CSA/SA scandal. Abuse can happen so quickly, I was 14 years old, a farm boy, I did not know abuse even existed. My father would not have believed me. It was not a subject that we ever even talked about.

Workers’ response: The Ministry Safe course is not the whole answer. Each one must be accountable to one another, and to God. One result of the workshop here in TX was more awareness and openness talking about abuse issues. One thing we decided is that we will never have a worker alone in a bedroom with someone’s child.  Workers will avoid being alone with a child without awareness or presence of a parent. The typical way abuse happens is because parents had confidence in the predator because of grooming. We are educating parents to be watchful at home and at school.

Facilitator: Thank you for sharing your experience. Abusers have a very set behavior getting people to feel comfortable with them. Also, they are very good about keeping victims silent. That’s how it was able to go on such a long time with CSA/SA. There are other ways abusers have power. We learned 95% of children that speak about being abused are telling the truth, but very few will ever say anything. Everyone’s voice will be respected. This tragedy is largely against women and children. Respecting the voices of women and children is very important.

Sister: What are you doing to protect our children? 

Worker response: We are being educated. In our workshop, we learned the long-lasting effect of CSA, the need for trained counselors and the importance of not questioning the child about the abuse. We must refer the case to trained advocates. Our part is to be watching. We are more aware of watching for red flags. In this ministry we have opportunity to observe the home life. We need to be telling parents to teach their children proper names for the private parts of the body, in case some abuse happens. Private parts are private.

Question: Concerning workers who travel alone?

Worker response: We are avoiding traveling alone as much as possible. We are accountable for our co-worker. We are making each other accountable as workers. We each have a phone that gives our location, so our co-worker knows where the other one is when we are apart, for instance at doctor’s appointments or walking. But in the homes, we will not visit in the home without our coworkers, or until there will be 2 adults (For example: one worker or two workers and one adult). Last year I was on the list as having a co-worker later, and then there was not a co-worker later. Going forward, we will put 3 names on the list together. Jesus sent us out two together, and two and two is the pattern.  But at times there were 3 and sometimes Paul was alone. 

Sister: Expressed concern about supervision if a predator comes into a meeting.

Worker response: If a known predator comes into a meeting, tell an elder or a worker. We are committed to following our published guidelines for those circumstances. Concern was expressed about restoring privileges to the victims. In the past, it seemed to some that we were partial to the predator. We want to restore privileges to the victims, and in doing so we are taking a stand about things we will not tolerate in our fellowship. 

Facilitator: All of our actions have consequences. If abusers are repentant, they will accept consequences for their actions.

Brother: There is a very high risk that a pedophile will repeat the crime, because it is a mental disease.

Brother: Expressed concerns about past abuse and some guilty ones who were not punished by the law and are still in the fellowship?

Worker response: Wrong is wrong and must be addressed. When we hear a case, we assume it’s a fact. Every adult is legally required to report abuse. In some cases where the law does not prosecute, but if there still seems to be evidence of abuse, we are taking measures that will be executed within the specific church. We want all in the meeting to feel comfortable, the elders, the congregation, and the workers. 

Sister: When a child is abused, it’s difficult to ask them to relive their trauma during an investigation. 

Sister: That’s part of the problem. Abuse must be reported. 

Worker response: The proper process is report. Get professional help and allow them to work with the child which usually prevents the child from having to make multiple statements. It’s not just workers but often it’s relatives that abuse or other adults who harm a child. It needs to be taken first to the authorities, then to the workers. 

Facilitator read question: Question concerning the misuse of funds. Will a committee be formed to monitor finances?

Worker response: When we have funds that are more than we need, I give them to some of our friends who keep it in their name. They then would send it to workers overseas, or to someone in need, or to help workers at Pecan Grove. At least two Friends are named on each account. They know what it’s used for. We have funds in our pocket also.

Question: Would it be feasible to have different accounts and use debit cards instead of doing all in cash, so there is a record of receipts and expenditures?

Brother: If I thought funds would be misused, I would not contribute. I contribute because I feel God has moved me and I trust the one I give it to.

Facilitator read Question: Is there talk of any type of victim compensation?

Worker response: Privately we have given to victims. Hopefully we can develop some kind of account that there could be funds given as there’s a need.

Sister: Matt. 7:22 came to mind.  Do not judge.  Our judgment often is iniquity. That’s what we think and unless I know all about the situation it’s my own thinking. “Lord, we have prophesied…we have cast out devils…it is as their own judgment. My judgement is not good.  I will trust God’s judgment.

Worker response: Part of being merciful is keeping our brother from temptation. What we know about pedophiles is that they do not often rehabilitate.  We need to protect our children.

Worker response: Jesus words in Mt 7 help us understand that only by asking our Father can we do unto others as we would have them do unto us.  Only as we obey what he says to us, can we enter in at the straight gate that leads to life, and thus have judgement from above.

Worker response: One of the steps we have made is to set some guidelines. We need to be thoughtful of those who do not get email, and print out information for them. If we had written this six months ago it would be different now, because we know more. Here are some guidelines we have learned.

1. Do not take a child in a room alone. We have followed that rule for years now.
2. Never have a child over 6-8 months old in your lap unless parents say it’s OK.
3. Resources for red flag behavior site. Examples so people can know what they are.
4. Encourage people to take the safe ministry course.
5. Provide links to the resources.

There are definitions, for what is secrecy, privacy and confidentiality.  

• Secrecy: Secrecy is the desire to hide or withhold consequential, shameful information. The information in question negatively impacts the fellowship or another person. The practice of secrecy generally implies that appropriate disclosure of the information is necessary. Secrecy as described above is breeding ground for corruption and abuse of others. 
• Privacy: Every individual has a right to privacy of his/her personal information for which there is no legitimate public concern or interest. Privacy: includes a person’s right to control access to his/her own information for which there is no legitimate public concern. 
• Confidentiality: Refers to the obligation to protect sensitive or private information from being disclosed to unauthorized parties. It involves a promise or agreement to keep certain information that has been entrusted to your care. 

Someone asked for a list of all accused of CSA. That is not legal. In a few weeks a judicial advocate will help us learn what we can publish and what we cannot (about abusers).

Secrecy, a point where it must be exposed to somebody. If you knew your child was guilty of this crime, you cannot be secretive about it. Sometimes we cannot expose, as in the case of no charges being made or we are liable to the law, especially concerning minors. 

This is an ongoing process. This is the end of this discussion here, but there will be ongoing discussion. Discuss things with a worker you trust. There will likely be other sessions. 

Prayer to close by a Brother.

Some expressed gratitude for the meeting. Others expressed that the workers should not bear the guilt because of the wrongs others have done. 

Worker response: If you feel responsible, or if you feel guilty for others, it is like Ezra and Nehemiah when they said we have sinned. The fact that it’s part of our ministry makes it appropriate that we enter into that guilt. It’s the same spirit that Moses had and he did not want God to destroy the people.

---

White Rock Listening Session

Not 100% verbatim

This is in addition to the notes taken by a worker in attendance so I won’t duplicate if possible.

Worker: Is anyone using a tape recorder? If so, we need to know. No one replied in the affirmative of having a recorder. We have a designated (worker) to take notes, which everyone here will receive a copy.

Copying worker: Please speak slowly as I don’t write very fast (chuckles).

Worker: ________ will be the moderator. We will take a break in about an hour or so and then continue again.

Moderator: Welcomed everyone. Please be respectful and courteous. There’s some questions written down here and I will read them.

1st question: Are workers using donations for legal advice? If so, that seems likely to cause a perception of workers vs congregants.

Worker response: Hesitating…well yes. It’s being used to get legal wording in our directives.

Member: Are the funds being used for legal advice for any worker being accused of any type of sexual abuse?

Worker: Didn’t directly answer the question and then asked “are you saying we shouldn’t get/pay for legal advice for proper wording”?

Member: That’s not the point. The point is I don’t believe anyone would want their donation to be used for defending a sexual abuser, which is why there’s a need for financial transparency.

Moderator: Next question is about forming a committee for oversight/transparency purposes.

Worker: There’s no need for committee upon committee. It’s not needed.

Member: I was inappropriately sexually touched by a male worker when I was 14/15 years old in 1965. He got into my bed during the night and pushed his genitals up against my buttocks. I was petrified and didn’t move, hoping he would think I was asleep. He was there for what seemed like a long time, but in reality was probably a minute or two. He then left and went back to the twin bed in my room. No other advances were made. This was 58 years ago. No, I didn’t report it, because no one would have believed me. The worker and my father sang duets at gospel meetings. We were taught to never question anything the workers said, because it was as if whatever they said was straight from the mouth of God. I was terrified of workers at that time/age.

Worker: Grooming is what abusers do to gain trust. More discussion regarding grooming.

Member: The worker was never in our field and only in our home the one time which may have been special meeting rounds.

Worker: He groomed your father to trust him. Parents need to be more responsible in knowing where their children are to avoid abuse situations.

Worker: Tell the children to use correct wording when describing where and how they were touched. More discussion.

Member: I am getting upset when I hear workers basically blaming parents for their children getting abused by those they’re supposed to trust. What were my parent supposed to do…stand by my bed all night long? Trust was basically demanded/expected by the workers back then.

Workers: Apologies made.

Member: I’m not here for sympathy. I’m here to promote and ask for real and meaningful change. I’ve survived for 58 years so I’m reasonably confident I will survive for the rest of my life.

Member: What is the timeline for implementing changes to prevent abuse instead of just how to report it? The damage is already done is something has to be reported.

Worker: We really don’t have a timeline as we’re having more listening sessions in Texas in August.

Member: I believe there needs to be financial oversight. Had Dean Bruer’s expenses been able to be tracked, I sincerely believe he would’ve been stopped long before he died.

Worker: I don’t really see how that would help.

Member: I suggest that 1 or 2 bank accounts be established where all donations can either be done in person or via Venmo or any of several reliable electronic transfer apps.

Member: Yes, we’re going to a cashless society.

Member: Then each worker would be given a debit card specific for them. This way expenditures could easily be tracked for accountability/transparency. The debit cards would be restricted in that no cash withdrawals could be made, in order to protect against wrongful use.

Worker: I personally would be ok with doing it that way.

Worker: There’s two accounts set up in two of the friends names. We always receive more money that’s required for convention, so the excess goes into those accounts for travel and medical expenses. Those friends are notified of the request for funds and the funds are disbursed.

Member: So there’s no actual paper trail of requests, it’s just all verbal?

Worker: Yes.

Worker to member: ______, would you be willing/ok to do something like that? 

Member: I will continue to give cash money whenever God moves me to do so. I don’t have a problem with how it’s now done.

Member: That’s not the point. Give whenever you want, just do it so funds can be traced. Then you don’t see the possibility of how funds were misused because there was no traceability/accountability?

Member: No response.

Member: There would be at least 4 trusted members who would get the monthly account statements to monitor for any questionable expenditures.

Worker: Any money you give and if it’s misused, then that’s not on you, it’s on the person that misuses the funds.

Member: But how/what are the plans to prevent abuse situations from happening?

Worker: We will watch each other closer. All workers have to take the Ministry Safe course and all New Mexico workers have.

Member: There’s been many times over the years that workers are sent alone to homes, such was the case with me in 1965.

Worker: I will not be doing that in the future. There will always be two together. We will not be alone in any room with children. I personally will stop holding children on my lap unless they’re basically babies/toddlers.

Member: Ministry Safe has been available for 15 years. Why does there have to be a course taken to recognize sexual abuse of any type is wrong? I know Ministry Safe teaches how to recognize perpetrators grooming methods etc. etc.

Worker: We are working towards rebuilding trust.

Member: Trust will be very difficult for some to give. Real change will help.

Worker: We plan to have follow up sessions in the future.

Member: There’s been some false allegations, correct?

Worker: Yes, a lady that had been abused by a man who, when he patted her on the back was “doing something up front” (they couldn’t say fondling breasts). When this same lady saw someone else pat a woman on the back, the lady was triggered and reported him for abuse, which was proven to not have happened.

Member: Right, we’re just taking the accusers’ word for what happened and there’s no proof anything happened.

Member: What king if proof do you require? What would satisfy you beyond a reasonable doubt that abuse had happened?

Member: Silent.

Member: That’s one of the main reasons that victims don’t come forward, because we won’t be believed, even by elders. Why do you think I waited 58 years?

Member: Silent.

Worker: 98% of the CSA cases reported by children are found to be true. 60-70% of the perpetrators have also been abused.

Member: I mostly because upset because Dean Bruer told me that I couldn’t participate in meetings because I’d been divorced and remarried. He said Jesus didn’t approve and neither do I/we. Yet Dean was ok with what he’d been doing for decades by engaging in illicit and possibly criminal behaviors. Very double standard. We had received approval from our elder and overseer George Petersen before we were married. There’s no unity regarding this.

Worker: I knew a lady that had been divorced and remarried. I told her I knew she wasn’t committing adultery. That’s why you need us workers to stand in the gap and take the consequences(?) meant for you. There are those who want to see this ministry completely destroyed and then who would be there for you?