Workers attending: Jared Snyder, Greg Swenson, Mindy Yule, Suzanne McCorkell Facilitator
The facilitator opened the session by thanking the workers for attending and listening to concerns of the friends, and for relaying those concerns to the rest of the MidAtlantic staff. He stated we would be discussing “the broken and crying pleas of God’s people” and that this would be a difficult but necessary conversation.
Purpose of the session: to listen, hear, grieve, share, and educate. “We are a people in mourning because something we love has failed us. CSA and SA have been permitted and have become pervasive within our fellowship for years. Now is the opportunity for our cries to be heard.” It may be difficult to hear or share at some point; feel free to take a break or step out if needed. Primary focus of the meeting: CSA and SA as well as ideas for moving forward.
Session not intended for debating experiences or feelings. Instead, this is a time to express our cries. It is also a time for acknowledgement, input and suggestion of actions. It is also a time for accountability.
This meeting is not being recorded but notes are being taken for accountability and for the workers to take back to staff and overseers.
There were three victim stories shared. (Source: https://wingsfortruth.info/breaking-the silence-2/victim-stories )
“I can honestly say that the abuse has affected me at all stages of my life. It is something that is always there and continually has an effect on the way I think about myself, my relationships to others, how I see myself as a parent, a person. I wonder what my family – my relationships would have been without its presence.”
“In common with most victims of sexual assault, I suffered feelings of guilt. A number of questions bothered me- for example: Why did I allow it to happen? Why did I not immediately tell my parents? It has only been in the last few years that I have realized that I was in no way to blame and now I feel absolutely free to talk about the abuse without any shame or guilt.”
“God was and is everything to me. By the time I was 10 years old I put words to what I had always felt: I wish I was never born. By the time I was 12 I knew I could do something about it. At that point I always had a plan and always had access to the plan. The only reason I never committed suicide is because I believed in God and God was the only reason to live is God. My whole life was about surviving from one day to the next. And sometimes from one moment to the next. Always this state of fear, always a state of torment.”
The facilitator then shared definitions related to CSA and SA, statistics, magnitude of the issue and North Carolina mandated reporting requirements.
- CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) by NC Department of Health and Human Services definition: “Sexual activity with a child (a person under the age of 18) by an adult, adolescent or older child.” There are two types of CSA as part of this definition: Touching and Non-Touching CSA.
- Touching CSA includes: “Touching a child’s genitals, making a child touch someone else’s genitals, playing sexual games or putting objects or body parts into anal or vaginal areas.”
- Non-touching CSA includes: “Showing pornography to a child, exposing a person’s genitals to a child, prostituting (trafficking a child), photographing a child in sexual poses, encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person or on a video and/or watching a child undress or use the bathroom.”
- “Trauma results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life threatening with lasting effects on the individual’s functioning regarding mental, physical, social, emotional and/or spiritual well-being.”
According to the National Center on Child Abuse, 1 in 4 females in this country are sexually abused before the age of 18. 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 18. It is felt by the statistical gathering agencies that there is such a diversity of the number of men because men tend not to report!
- Sexual Assault in adults (those males and females over the age of 18) has many definitions. A simple definition would include, “Any unwanted forcible sexual activity (ranging from rape to fondling) by one adult towards another against their will.” Forcible here not only means using physical force but also intimidation threats towards loved ones, use of a weapon, and social media intimidation. Each state has any legal definitions of Sexual Assault.
- Factoring in unreported rapes, only 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. If rape is reported, there is a 50.8 % chance of an arrest. If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution. If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of a conviction. In other words, perpetrators have a greater chance to never become accountable for their crimes while victims will often be called to the stand to be revictimized in a public courtroom especially under cross examination.
- According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) statistics there are approximately 325, 566 victims of rape and sexual assault in the US every year. Also, according to RAINN there are 3.6 million cases of child abuse reported every year in the U.S.
- Grooming – Grooming is a process where a perpetrator establishes emotional connections with a child and/or their parent or primary caregiver to gain their trust and manipulate them.
- This has been a pervasive problem within the fellowship and ministry that unfortunately has been allowed to not only exist but to grow and cause extensive ripple effects. There are known to be hundreds of alleged perpetrators within the fellowship over the years, and statistically each perpetrator has multiple victims. Regardless of the range of average victims per perpetrator that is used, the statistics and studies on these issues tell us that only in the range of 5% of accusations are false, so we are talking about thousands of potential victims and survivors of abuse from within our fellowship.
- All adults are mandated reporters in North Carolina. Any person 18 years of age or older who knows or should have reasonably known that a juvenile has been or is the victim of a violent offense, sexual offense, or misdemeanor child abuse under G.S. 14-318.2 shall immediately 3 report the case of that juvenile to the appropriate local law enforcement agency in the county where the juvenile resides or is found.
- Good-Faith Immunity. A person who makes a report in good faith under this Article, cooperates with
- law enforcement in an investigation, or testifies in any judicial proceeding resulting from a law enforcement report or investigation is immune from any civil or criminal liability that might otherwise be incurred or imposed for that action, provided that person was acting in good faith.
- Child Sexual Abuse and Sexual Abuse is not only a civil and moral responsibility; failure to report is a criminal act.
Apology and repentance from Greg Swenson
- General apology: “This is a really big problem. Hundreds of names spanning decades have come to light because these crimes were never dealt with. As difficult as these conversations are, we are grateful that all is coming to light. Here on the East Coast, the ministry began training in 2010, which taught us about mandatory reporting laws. However, understanding these reporting laws is not enough. There is more to this problem than mandatory reporting.
- In recent months we have learned so much about the perspective of victims as well as the psychology of predators. It seems to me that a lot of the mishandling of abuse cases occurred due to people falling into a trap of misunderstanding. Failure to understand the trauma of victims and the manipulative ability of predators. They may be charismatic, do many good works. People wouldn’t suspect that person. They would never admit being a predator because part of their sickness is strong denial. So, it’s very easy to fall into the sphere of a predator’s influence. Predators groom everyone around their victim. That means they groom the victim’s family, friends and support network, which includes the ministry. We must believe the victims.
- On behalf of the ministry, I want to plainly state that we are very sorry for the historic mishandling of abuse. We want to learn how to respond better going forward, and be alongside you in helping address this crisis.
Jared:
A thought was mentioned to us that we often ask, “How many are being brought in?” But lately we could wonder, “How many have we driven away?” They have been driven away because of horrible experiences which have shattered their trust. We can fail people even if we haven’t committed these atrocities ourselves. When all of these revelations began, I remembered someone who reached out to me 20 years ago with a problem that I mishandled. I was moved to reach out and seek for a way to make it right. I was able to get her contact information and, with her permission, will share.
When she was 13, she was molested by one of the friends. She moved to another state for college and she depended on the elder of her meeting for a ride to meeting. He began to stalk her outside of meeting. He would sit outside her dorm. When she reported to the workers, she was discouraged by workers and friends from reporting to the police. Instead, she was moved to a different meeting. This was when she reached out to me, I was completely overwhelmed, didn’t know what to do about it at the time. I eventually forgot about it for about 20 years. Until this year, when the Lord made me understand how I failed her. Later in a third state, she witnessed a young child being molested by an elder. She was discouraged from testifying, as well as by another eyewitness to the molestation. So, this woman encountered abuse and cover ups across 3 states in our fellowship. These are not isolated incidents. She stressed that she is not bitter, only sad. She’s sad because of the corruption and because she was thrust out of the fellowship. She was “shoved” out of the church. I do believe she has just as much access to God, Christ and fellowship outside of our meetings, right where she is.
The crimes aren’t just terrible physical abuse, they are also spiritual abuse.
An important work has been revealed to me. Encourage people in Christ and have faith in our Lord. He loves us and will never hurt us.
Mindy:
I would like to personally and collectively apologize as well. This has caused damage far beyond what we can imagine or even know. We have no idea who all the victims are. Some may talk about it, if they do, we have no right to tell others for the sake of conversation. In our recent workshop, a professional said that only talking, tears, and time can heal trauma. We don’t know how long it will take to heal. The church, as one body, has been traumatized too. May we have patience and wisdom to see this work through.
Suzanne:
We are grieving, all of us. Grief has different stages. And we are all at different stages of that process. Self-examination for me has made me wonder, how many times have I acted like the priest or Levite, walking by on the other side of the road of the person who was injured? Maybe I didn’t know what to say or do. Sometimes people may ask, “Why are other’s sins being broadcast?” These aren’t just sins. They are crimes. They are against the law. It’s important we talk about them. Perpetrators are never going to tell the truth. They have everything to lose, but victims have already lost everything. We must believe the victims.
Speaker #1:
One thing that has frustrated me very much is learning how any predators have been moved around the country. It seems like overseers would learn of allegations and then take care of that not being able to happen again. Where is the accountability for that? What is the game plan for addressing the people who did this?
Speaker #2:
Reported for someone who couldn’t attend the session, but did want to participate. This person chose being with a victim today instead of attending this session. She requested everyone to please be loyal to the victim. Workers, be as tender as possible. She stated she believed our workers (who are attending today) are a shining light to the rest of the states, refreshing to see caring and compassion, less judgment.
Speaker #3:
How has abuse happened and why? It’s not surprising. I believe some workers have heard a call from God, maybe not all. There has been an expectation of unconditionally obeying and trusting. Respect has been demanded, to take workers at their word. This has created a paradise for pedophiles and a haven for abusers. In my childhood on the West Coast, I was strongly taught to trust, respect and obey the workers. Unconditionally. It was not subtle, it was explicit. Not long ago we received a letter from an overseer out there that reiterated that belief; disobeying the workers was likened to disobeying the words and judgements of God Himself. So, we practiced that growing up. Anyone who dissented from that was eventually expelled from our midst. When we first got married, our first worker company was a pedophile. And just this spring, our special meeting company has been revealed to be a pedophile. My trust is broken, and I doubt it will ever come back. I want to be very careful with my trust. We should never trust unconditionally except with our Father in heaven. Love is unconditional, yes. Not trust. I do trust the four workers sitting here because I’ve seen the fruits of their spirit. But I cannot say that for the ministry as a whole. Who do I allow in my home? Many overseers have lost my trust and I don’t believe it can ever be regained. We have full respect and trust in God and have love and compassion for victims.
Speaker #4:
Trust is like a fragile vase. If dropped and broken, it can’t be glued back together and be the same as before. I am very concerned about those in authority who have covered up crimes. I can’t fully trust those who hide a criminal, and then shun those who haven’t done anything wrong. My heart breaks for those who have been shunned and even excommunicated. I realize I must love, but also be wary. We need the armour of Christ now more than ever.
Speaker #5:
Thankful God protected me all my life, escaped the horrors that we’re hearing about. I did hear rumors / little inklings about wrongdoings that happened to my cousins, however. At first, I didn’t believe it, but now I know we must not discount these stories. There is a reason there is a legal system. While it can’t take away the scars of abuse, it should be used. God will use people to take care of this and I support those God is using.
Speaker #6:
Never thought we’d be gathered here because of what has come to light about abuse. In the “world”, we might expect to hear about it happening. These last four months have opened a floodgate of what has happened in the fellowship. I can hardly imagine; I feel for the victims. Changes are needed so that this won’t happen in the future for our children and grandchildren. We believe the victim. Glad there’s some money available for them, for financial help for counseling. But there’s not enough money in the world to help victims have a normal life; just can’t do it. Some say the Spirit has to lead to know what is right and wrong, so we don’t have a need for official guidelines. Why can’t our guidelines be Spirit-led? They are needed to help keep our children safe. The workers who have taken a stand have suffered; we all must take a stand to have a safe fellowship so the future is safe for all of us.
Speaker #7:
Courage is needed most. We are crushed by what we’ve learned, and some workers have had courage and their heart is in the right place. When I was a little child, I was aware of an abuse case that was covered up and even as a child I knew that was wrong. When CSA occurred, we should have spoken up even if we were not really heard in the past. The four workers here have been on the front lines. They are in the minority. We are in uncharted territory.
Speaker #8
The workers here today are in the minority in their efforts. And I fear many who are speaking out do not have support from leaders in this church. There are many states where these efforts are not happening. I am a grooming victim of a male worker that occurred about 30 years ago. Because of that experience, I wasn’t surprised to learn that abuse exists in our church, but I am stunned at the sheer scope of it. We are just learning a little of the scope of this problem, and I believe we’ve just seen only the tip of the iceberg. I do believe overseers have aided and abetted these abusers / criminals in the states and many countries. No action is a form of action. I do not have trust in them or their ability to correct this crisis going forward. It chills me to realize that abusers have had our trust before they ever crossed the threshold into our home. We have trusted workers in our home before, but this has changed how we think about this. The only way I see forward is total transparency and zero tolerance. I’ve been in touch with Cynthia Liles. She states that transparency is not occurring. I am committed to seeing this through, but I am not confident that our efforts today will make a difference under current leadership.
Mindy:
Jim Holt did contact Cynthia within the last week to vet our convention visitors list. Jared:
I would like to say that no one should ever feel judged or condemned for denying someone admittance to their home. Six months ago, I was very much ‘asleep’ and clueless about all of this. Without some speaking up, and continuing to, I would still be asleep. There is no going back to “normal”. I believe God is in the changes. We want to be in tune to His leadings.
Speaker #9
I suppose I should say something. I am an abuse victim. Often, we try to handle our abuse ourselves, without help. We are told we can go to God or to the workers but when our story falls on deaf ears, we are made to feel complicit in the sins against our own bodies. Predators look just like you and me. But, on the other side of the coin, they are sick. Some thoughts that run through a victim’s head might be, “Oh but he is our elder. Everyone loves him, who would ever believe me? If I tell this it’s going to hurt my mom, or our little meeting.” Did I ask for it? Surely, I am to blame for what he did. You don’t want to rock the boat? It’s already rocking on its own. We are the adults in the room. Our children cannot advocate for themselves, and they cannot fix this. So, we cannot leave it for them to fix. The hurt won’t become unhurt. The problem won’t go away.
Speaker # 10
One thing I have wrestled with throughout this…is thinking of how things ‘used to be’. I have very fond memories of conventions, meetings, get-togethers, etc. We thought things were so great, didn’t we? But they weren’t. For many, many among us it was a nightmare. I’m grateful this crisis is coming to light, because our children are still very small. This MUST be fixed now! But my fear is… this is a really big ship to turn around. We’re already out of time. For many, we ran out of time many years ago. Now we must be proactive and make guidelines, but we also must not stick just to that plan for 100 years, because that’s the thinking that got us in this mess. We must be willing to adapt and change. You know, I used to feel proud that our fellowship was global. I took pride in saying “my church is worldwide”. But now I feel sick, because that’s just more places where abuse has probably occurred. It’s a global problem. I ask you, what can we do to help right now?
Greg:
We all have a personal responsibility in this. The problem is way bigger than the ministry although the ministry is a big part of it. In my opinion, the ministry has been elevated much higher than Jesus intended. I know I felt called to share the gospel, not manage a church. I know others who feel the same. No wonder we are having a leadership crisis. Some have said “we put workers on a pedestal”. Well, the friends may have built a pedestal, but we climbed up on it. However, the New Testament church was not like that. I’ve been studying it recently to compare to us. They trusted individuals, like Peter, Paul or Timothy whom they knew well. There was no blanket trust to all who bore the title minister. I Peter 5 “I exhort you elders, I who am also an elder.” Peter didn’t climb on a pedestal. I highly respect our elders and friends, and their wisdom. If you see something to do and feel moved to do it, feel free. The time of waiting is past. I don’t think you will be excommunicated for speaking up. If that happens, call us. This needs to end; it must end forever. Doing the right thing will only be looked upon with favor by those who understand the problem. I think change will spread just like the gospel: on two feet, from the mouth of a friend. One conversation at a time.
Facilitator:
I’m going to take off my facilitator hat for a moment. When this all began about Dean Bruer, a good friend called and said, “Have you heard about Dean Bruer?” I thought, “Who in the world is Dean Bruer?” Well, I learned about what had come to light. I reached out to our workers here, Jared and Greg. And I said, “I think we need communication from the top”. And they said, “We think that too”. I realized then we had workers who are listening. I have also been devastated by the scope of the problem. I was shocked, hurt, angry. Because we all lost something. My sister said recently she recalls our dad saying, “If the workers tell you to do something, you do it without question.” That culture is a breeding ground for abuse and pedophiles. I believe we have elders and friends here who need to communicate with each other about how to protect our fellowship. We are not an island; we are in this together and I want to be a part of positive change.
Mindy:
I’d like to speak to the parents here. I had a friend who said her childhood was hard because the “rules of their home always changed”. My friend explained that her parents changed the rules according to the workers in their field at the time. This is confusing for children. Parents, you make the rules for your children. You are responsible before God for your own children. You have the final say about the rules in your home, not the workers.
Speaker #11 (speaking again)
I have heard the phrase ‘you’re out of your place’ some these last months. It’s often used to apply to people who speak up or think differently. Well, what is our place? Our place is whatever God says it is, not what men say. As long as we keep true to God, we can be confident in our place. We must not stay in the same old mindset. Women need to step up too, not just be submissive.
Speaker #12 (speaking again)
I was never explicitly taught by my parents to obey the workers. But I picked it up somehow. That’s how strong our culture is. A few months ago, we had special meeting company. There was a brother worker in our home, and I just felt very uncomfortable. Before I went to bed, I said to my husband “Go get our boys and bring them into our room. I want them in our room tonight.” So our children slept in our room. I wrestled with that all night. I felt guilty that I was “judging” someone based on a feeling. But I also felt sick that someone was sleeping under our roof that I was scared to have sleeping down the hall from our children. Then, we learned a few weeks later that this man is a pedophile. I thought, “Thank goodness, I did something” …. But did I? We should’ve not allowed that man in our home. If you are uncomfortable, speak up. You are not out of place doing that, you have every right to say if you are uncomfortable. I want to add I have never felt uncomfortable having these workers here today in our home.
Speaker #13 (speaking again)
Mothers here today, you have been on my mind so much. I can’t imagine how this must all feel to you who have children. Trust your instincts. That situation was given to you by God. We must watch over our children. I remember at our Shelby convention years ago; I noticed one of the brother workers watching the little children playing. There were also parents watching those children. I thought at the time, “Oh how nice that he is visiting with the children”. Well, now he’s been revealed to be a pedophile. It looked so innocent. No one would’ve guessed at the time. We must protect and watch our kids, keep our eyes open and be aware.
Speaker #14 (speaking again)
When I worked as a nurse, I often did postpartum home visits. We always told new mothers to trust their instincts. We even said, “If a doctor doesn’t believe you or contradicts your instincts, you listen to your gut”. Because no one knows your child like you do. I’ve found that a woman’s intuition, and especially a mother’s, is almost always right. I think the Holy Spirit is like that too. It nudges us. We want to be sensitive to those nudges.
Speaker #15
I’m changing the subject a bit here… but the overseers who have moved perpetrators around, are they not complicit in crimes committed after that?
Several in the room at once replied: Yes.
Speaker #16 (speaking again)
Mindy, you mentioned that Jim called Cynthia to vet our visitors list. I would ask that people involved with coverups also not speak at our conventions. I know of some who have come here in the past and now we know they covered up abuse.
Greg: If you become aware of anyone scheduled to visit and speak who would have been involved in a coverup, please reach out to Jim to let him know.
Speaker #17
When you all had your workshop, did the professionals give you anything to watch out for? Like warning signs?
Jared:
Well, this may not be encouraging… but yes and no. One professional who spoke with us was a retired FBI agent and had lots of experience working with CSA. He said the signs are so subtle. He was a professionally trained FBI agent and failed to catch a predator who was visiting in his own home.
Greg:
Yes, he said the most skilled investigators only catch deception about 50% of the time. This is why it’s so important that we believe the victims.
Mindy:
The agent also said that not one CSA predator he ever interviewed confessed. Only authorities are qualified to decide who is safe to be around and who isn’t. We workers are NOT qualified to do any investigating or to make those kinds of judgment calls.
Greg:
Also, it’s not enough just to lean on the legal system. Of course, we should report abuse. But we shouldn’t just say we will only pay attention if a person has been convicted of abuse. The conviction rate is very low. That’s why we have individual responsibility and why guidelines are being discussed.
Speaker # 18
Any one of us can at any time look up the sex offender registry online. We can look to see if we live near a convicted offender. But many of the predators in our midst do not have a conviction. Yet they do have allegations, some have numerous allegations. And we know those that are guilty. So, the allegations do matter, very much. Because where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
Facilitator:
Can you share any plans for conventions or convention policies?
Greg: This is actively being discussed right now. I believe Jim will bring this up at the overseers meeting which will occur next week.
Jared:
Maybe I can share this here, since this is our field. Personally, I plan to finish these listening tours to see them through, and then step away and rest for a year. That doesn’t mean I’m “gone” or disappearing. I’ll still be very much available; however, I’ve observed that despite all the darkness, there is very real health and stability among God’s people. And that does exist and can continue to exist without worker’s involvement. Again, I’ll still be available for conversations and help, but I’ll go home to rest for a year.
Facilitator:
We’ve been speaking together for over two hours now. I’d like to close with a thought on trust. In corporations, when something of this magnitude occurs, the CEO steps down. Even if they are not personally responsible/guilty, the CEO steps down because the crisis occurred on their watch. Of course, our fellowship isn’t a business. But we do need transparency and repentance and trust from the top. If we can’t trust the top, then what?? I see different things happening region to region, and that concerns me. I grew up believing we were one fellowship. I’d like to see that be a reality. I’d like to see unified change across the board. I’d like to see those in authority making unified decisions. I hope this can come out of the overseers meeting coming up.
Speaker # 18
We may need to pray for that.
Facilitator:
Yes, please pray for that. Pray. Meeting adjourned.
WINGS for Truth 