I would like to talk about a few things that have been heavy on my mind lately. Maybe I should add a trigger warning for CSA/SA because I am going to speak bluntly.
Lately I have heard and read some very disturbing reactions from some of the friends and workers. It feels like there is a lot of lip service to the child sexual assault, sexual assault and sexual misconduct issues, and a hope that this will soon blow over and everyone will forget about it. To be fair, I have also heard some very positive things, but I am not writing about that today.
To be specific, I have seen statements that indicate some feel that if there is not significant evidence or offence to secure a legal conviction, the accused should be considered innocent. One such example was from an overseer speaking about an admitted pedophile and long-time sexual predator with a huge list of survivors in his wake. “but he was never convicted”…. Are you kidding me? Anyone with half a brain could determine that this man should never be allowed to attend meetings or church functions. And he would have been convicted if you hadn’t covered it up years ago.
Or what if it is just “innocent” touching? Hypothetically, if a young girl complains about a worker who hugged her awkwardly and felt her butt, the likelihood of a legal conviction is almost zero. But that should still be a huge red flag. Was it an accident? Highly unlikely, you don’t grab a young girl’s butt or feel her chest accidentally. But let’s say there are multiple complaints of the same behavior from different girls. Still, he’s probably not going to be convicted and sent to prison. But it’s proof that he is a sexual predator and has no business attending church functions let alone being a minister.
This old, “that’s just uncle Brad, he’s just kinda handsy but he’s harmless” way of thinking is just plain wrong. And no, the hell, it’s not harmless, not even a bit. The harm that comes from incidents like this are real and the harm of sweeping it under the rug is worse. Like it or not, ministers and elders are held to a higher legal standard when it comes to stuff like this, whether committing it or reporting it.
And let’s talk about consensual relationships. We hear a lot about that. “Well, it was inappropriate behaviour for a worker, but it was a consensual relationship, so no harm done. Who can blame two people for falling in love?” This is a very slippery issue. First of all, whether we admit it or not, there is very much a hierarchical order of organization within the “Truth”. There are country or regional head workers, state or area overseers, older brother workers, younger brother workers, older sister workers, younger sister workers, elders, back up elders, saints, and wives, unmarried men and women and children. Pretty much in that order. In the business world, if an executive manager has a relationship with a subordinate they are sacked. Why? Because it isn’t appropriate and there is too much room for the more powerful person to persuade the less powerful person to do something that they wouldn’t otherwise do.
I get it, people fall in love and that can be a beautiful thing. But in a hierarchical organization, where the man has power over the woman, “consensual” relationships are more often than not, not actually consensual. Let’s say, good ole handsome brother worker Tom likes the ladies, and the ladies like Tom. But what the individual ladies don’t know is that Tom is a player, he has a lady in every state. So, when the lady in Kansas is found with Tom, she defends him and says, “it was consensual.” Sure, she thinks she is his one and only, she doesn’t know about Miss Oklahoma or Miss Nebraska. So, is it really consensual? Or is Tom a dirty rotten sexual predator that has no business holding his position? He will never be convicted in court, but he absolutely deserves to be fired and sent away in a transparent manner.
The type of sexual assault we are talking about hardly ever involves a man dragging a vulnerable woman or child into a dark alley at knifepoint and raping them. What we are talking about is very sophisticated and deliberate grooming or courting, so that by the time the actual sexual assault happens, the carefully chosen victim feels helpless to do anything about it or even might feel like they are somehow special that this wise and powerful “servant of god” has chosen them to be his special one.
To deal with this problem, we must understand what we are dealing with. We must understand the level of evil that we are dealing with. We must understand that these types of predators don’t just stop doing what they do because they got caught. We must stop thinking of them as someone who is good that just fell into weakness and start thinking of them as evil people who are very good at appearing to be good. We need to stop being wishy washy about how we deal with these predators and cut them out like the evil cancer that they are.
Aside from the moral right and wrong aspect of this issue and the fight between good and evil, there are also very serious potential legal accountabilities that many of us could be faced with. Those who have meetings and conventions, or just host a get-together or have an open home. Have you thought about your legal liability if a known predator assaulted someone on your property? Or forget the legal aspect, how would you feel knowing that someone’s child was assaulted at your home? This is serious business and must not continue to be swept under the rug.
Every one of us has much more power to address this than we think we do. All we have to do is speak up. It might be uncomfortable, speaking up to those who are above us in that very strict hierarchical organization, but it is possible, and it is effective. The hierarchical organization only exists in the minds of those who accept it, after all, that country head worker or state overseer has no closer connection to God than you do, and is certainly no more intelligent or business savvy. It’s time we realize that and hold them accountable.
Joe Trapp
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WINGS for Truth 
Thank you for this very honest and true letter. More of us have to speak up. It takes courage as a victim of abuse to make yourself known. It takes courage for an anyone including an elder, or even a worker to stand up for right, because there is always that fear of “excommunication” by the ones in power. For myself, I have decided that silence is no longer an option. And truly, I suppose someone could stop me from going to meeting, if the elder were to abide by that request, but if I have a relationship with God, no one on earth can excommunicate me.
The reaction of the Narcissist:
With hearing of the Victims cry of horrific abuse, and the deception and deceit that has followed, we are enjoying also the positive and healing discussions being held. The Spirit is evident in the discussions and exhortations of holding onto your faith in God and prayer. Words from the heart of love and kindness. We all are fighting for the Victims, they have endured and suffered long. We need our righteous indignation to stay firm and also to be united in our purpose for change.
However there are those who firmly believe Social Media as a whole will cause division and rebellion, mostly from a generation that knows nothing about it. Not their fault. We need to also be able to share with older friends the beautiful messages of love, unity and righteous purpose. This is what will dispel the fear and suspicion and garner support.
They have heard for generations the evil of social media.
Narcissists and Narcissistic organizations, those in power with low self esteem and a love for control and power, hate what is happening here. They know if they keep quiet and go slow, people will tire and give up hope.
They know that their strength lies in one principle – DIVIDE AND RULE.
That’s why dictators close down and lock up the internet.
They all fear discussion.
Pray, pray and pray, and keep the faith in your christian family as we must stand united against this evil.
Keep your trust and faith in God, he is with us.
This is RIGHT and TRUE.
We (family) were just talking about this today…almost verbatim. How true this is. Thank you so much for sharing so plainly what we have been thinking.
Excellent commentary. Two facets for action are apparent here: to shut down perps, and provide effective resources for restoration from such trauma. How to make them happen may require risk-taking and sacrifice, and an honesty that’s increasingly hard to come by in a collapsing evil world.
Joe, thank you so much.
I am tired of the name of Jesus being maligned by the sort of behavior you described.
I am tired being taught that “anger” about these things is just “hardness of heart”.
I am tired of being afraid of excommunication.
It is clear that our God treasures the children, the needy, the injured. I will not stand with those who oppose them… to do so is to oppose God himself.
100% yes to this. I am becoming very, very suspicious of those in “power” who refuse to discuss or acknowledge that this exists among us.
❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate that you highlighted what a consensual relationship is… people need to understand that consent should be given, not driven. Coercion is NOT consent, therefore coerced consent is rape. Yes, even in a marriage. In that context, I spent 15 years being abused at the hand of my ex-husband… but in his eyes, it was always his “right”, and my “wifely duty” to give him whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted (in the intimate sense). Ladies, please understand that this is not right, and when it’s spun around to make the arguement that it’s what God intends, that makes it worse. Men, I know there are those of you who have been put in similar situations as well, so I see and respect that. My heart hurts that using the biblical outline of marriage has been twisted and convoluted by abusers and offenders- this is not what marriage is. It’s not what the Kingdom is.
No matter what the context, if consent isn’t true consent, then it’s abuse. I would never want to see it become practice for friends and workers to interject and involve themselves in the marriages of those around them, but if someone comes to another for help and it’s an issue like this, my prayer is that they not be written off. Coercive, abusive behavior only opens the door for the pattern to evolve and risk hurting others, too. Any little thing we can do, even just taking another seriously, can help move us all toward healing.
Thank you for writing this with conviction and clarity.
THE POWER OF DISCUSSION.
Discussions empowers and removes unfair and unreasonable opinion or feeling, formed without enough thought or knowledge.
Having important discussions enables people to share thoughts and opinions they might not otherwise have the chance to voice.
It helps people to consider different viewpoints.
Discussions are best used to explore, integrate ideas and develop thinking and interpersonal skills. Questions are key to productive discussion as they are to probe for deeper analysis, ask for clarification and explore implications.
It gives people the opportunity to expand their understanding of key points.
It moves BEYOND more passive form of reading, listening, and watching – it allows a person to actively engage with their peers.
Consider the etiquette of a good discussion.
– Be concise
– Respond with points raised in posts
– Be considerate and respectful
– Use appropriate language
– Consider the aim of each discussion forum.
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“Discussion is the food of Chiefs”
Thank you for reminding all to be concise.
In this current hierarchical system workers clothing, food , shelter, health care, transportation and all other needs are met by the people of the faith.
Then you mix in gross inappropriate behavior mixed with a lackadaisical life style (no job needed) and then we the people look at them for direction on how we should behave. Not them?
That’s upside down friends.
Not on my watch.
This was so well written. Over half the people I know give a pass to concensual relationships. It hardly ever starts out as consensual as this letter says. Recognize it for what it is. It is illegal in at LEAST two states for clergy to have a relationship with a subordinate. It needs to be spoken plainly about instead of waved off like no big deal. Or get rid of a celibate ministry
Yes, and anyone claiming a worker-friend or worker-worker relationship (whether their own or someone else’s) was consensual and forgiven is never to judge who meets the criteria and is worthy of “professing”, of taking part in meeting, of being baptized, of taking communion, etc.
A married ministry is of course not a valid corrective action for predators since there are many cases where predators continue to offend regardless of being married. That said it would help a lot with some of the other immoral issues we also have. A married ministry is supported by both scripture (ex:1Cor9), and by our history in the past 100 years. There have been over 50 married couple workers in the past 100 years. It is a complicated and perhaps uncomfortable idea due to the practices we are used to in recent decades. That said, because it is supported by scripture, it is right to consider as a possible solution to some of our problems.
The homestay system should be abolished and replaced with a “bach” system. That would prevent a lot of grooming opportunities.
The workers will need multiple baches in one field. They cannot remain stationary and travel around the field. So now people will need to pay for multiple apartments or hotels.
Instead, we need to educate parents, children and workers on what is grooming behavior so that someone will catch it before it is acted on and get that worker out of the work. One strike and you are out. Two workers always being present in a home with children. Etc.
Otherwise. The workers will not have the ability to move around a field like they do now.
I think that children of married workers have paid the price. I speak from my own personal connections with children and grandchildren of those that were married, and not my own personal experience. Maybe it’s not wrong but I can’t say that it will take care of anything – rather will create many other problems. And, it’s not like it changes the personality of people – just allows them to have their own personal little people – yikes.
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I too have thought about a bach system as being the answer. But we would have to financially support it. And I think it might introduce many other issues. See Gary Myers’ post. After all, Dean was in a hotel when he died. Is that any different than a bach?
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I completely agree with TRT – I can’t think of anything better than having the workers in our homes and our children freely loving and appreciating them. Educating our children and having our own eyes wide open – with a little careful planning, I think we can continue the wonderful tradition of having the workers in our homes.
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I DO think – maybe this seems like an aside thing but I’ve thought about it a lot and I think that it is a lot to do with this post…
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I DO think that I will always try to provide separate rooms for the workers so that they can have their own privacy. I know that not all homes can do that. And there’s no law about it. As long as I know my own children are safe, I think allowing these workers to have their own privacy where they don’t have to share a bed (shudders) or sleep on the floor or even have to share a bedroom… Even if the problem isn’t SA I think that it just helps both workers defrag and have some time to recover after giving themselves for the sake of others. And provides a little refuge for our younger workers.
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I am of the opinion that the worker inappropriate relationships happen often for the same reason that they do in marriages – no way of escape in a bad situation. That doesn’t mean that infidelity is right or excusable. It’s just an acknowledgment that it often happens as a way of mental escape. It’s not the only reason, I know. But forcing them to be in the same room so that they can keep an eye on each other CERTAINLY didn’t fix things in my parents’ and grandparents’ day. And a lot of what is being exposed now is from 20 years ago when many didn’t have two rooms to provide to the workers.
Educate and Empower, did you really just say this? “I completely agree with TRT – I can’t think of anything better than having the workers in our homes and our children freely loving and appreciating them.” Excuse me while I vomit. I can think of many, many better things personally, including but not limited to taking a coffee table to the shin, being stung by a swarm of bees, biting my tongue while eating, stepping on a Lego. You get the idea. Have you not been reading of the many, many abuses of children by “friendly” guests to family homes? I’d rather take a bullet than expose my kids to an “open home” and the risks that come with it.
@ Charlie Foxtrot, that’s totally up to you. It’s your choice. My workers are awesome and they can stay with me anytime. My kids are grown & in the work now so I don’t have to worry about that under my own roof. Maybe E&E has a similar situation. You stay in your own lane and we will stay in ours. It’s okay to have different feelings about all this.
These thoughts are nearly word for word discussion my husband & I had w/his father (who is our elder). There is no room for tolerance. GA law puts predators on list for life & you can’t live w/in 2000ft of a school or church. But we want to let them into our mtgs & homes? If they’re truly seeking salvation, there are other options for mtgs & should understand that their choices affect them for life. For instance, if a nurse steals narcotics or tests positive for narcotics, they can never work again where narcotics are administered. They may even have to drive 1.5hrs to work somewhere that doesn’t involve giving medications. But, if that nurse really wants to work, they have to be willing to live with the consequences. It’s not being judgemental of the nurse…it’s being done for the safety of others & themselves.
Truly an honest post. As a victum I know the effects follow one all there lives. It affects our DNA. How we interact with family and friends. Hard to put into words. Those that have taken advantage especially those in the work need to be taken out. We do not need to try to remake the fellowship. The most important thing is salvation.
Thanks for the great post.
Dear Be Holder,
Perhaps we’re in the same boat.
If you care to reach out…
skipthompsontile@gmail.com
:).
This letter is well put. I’m completely in agreement. It underlines and clarifies what I described in my letter about Jim Chafee and Richard DenHerder. Thanks for writing this.
Very well put and thank you.
I’ve been carefully thinking about those workers who have been “called into the work”. Not making light of anyone who feels that they have been called and have done a noble job.
I’m talking and thinking about those who say they’ve been called into the work when really the reason they wanted to go into the work is because they know they’ll be close to children and can manipulate children and adults into doing their bidding, whether it be sexual or not.
The thought that some workers would contemplate going into this ministry to prey on children fills me with rage. 3 of them were overseers that have been found out in the last three months.
Good comment. I have been thinking the same lately. Imagining a
professing teen boy with pedophile tendencies thinking about a career. He sees the vulnerability of the worker system where trust is super high and automatic. Workers protect and defend workers first over
friends. Staying in homes offers lots of grooming opportunities. Parents see no danger. It’s a veritable playground for a pedophile!
So he offers for the work.
Personally, I think what is more likely is that they think being in the work will help them not do those things, but then once they are there, it is just too hard to resist.
I think a true, hardened pedophile would be very unlikely to choose to go in the work. They would choose something like camp counselor. More kids, easier access, fewer eyes.
A lot of new workers are quite young, barely into legal age themselves. They might not yet realize what they are.