Dear friends,
Welcome to convention season! As we look forward to our upcoming days at conventions, we want to communicate a few guidelines that could help our time together be restful and profitable. In light of recent events, we feel especially compelled to create a welcoming environment where all feel at home.
- Encourage kids of all ages to utilize the buddy system when playing, walking around the grounds, going on walks, and entering dorms, tents, or campers. We can reinforce this by asking kids, “Where’s your buddy?” if you see them alone. Teens should also be encouraged to stay in group settings, or have a friend with them as much as possible.
- Not all children and teens are comfortable giving hugs. Adults should not expect or require children of any age to give hugs, it is encouraged to ask permission. A good rule of thumb is to ask children, ‘Hug, handshake or high five?’
- A parent should accompany younger children to the bathroom and shower.
- Older children and teens are encouraged to make their time out of meeting for bathroom breaks or other needs as brief as possible.
- If you have a child under 18 staying on the grounds semi-independently, consider the following:
- Assign an adult point of contact on the grounds in case of incident or emergency.
- Reinforce Buddy System with teens, encourage them to not be alone between Meetings or at bedtime.
- Talk to your teen about expected curfew times, what is appropriate behavior in a dorm/tent, and the importance of staying on the Convention grounds at all times.
- Consider practicing scripts with children that include saying no to a ‘secret’, unsafe or unwanted interaction, and includes getting away and telling a trusted adult. For example. If your friend thinks it’s funny to show you his bottom or asks to see your bottom, say, ‘No! Stop. Private parts are private. ‘ Then walk away and tell your parent or trusted adult. “
- Encourage children to ask permission from their parents before entering the dorms or someone else’s tent/camper.
- Have children check in often. Communicate where parents will be, and have them tell you where they plan to be. Designate check-in places and times.
- Talk to your children and teens before convention and have them identify 3-4 adults with whom they feel safe. These adults can work together to supervise and check in with children.
- Peer-to-Peer sexual abuse constitutes one third of ail reported abuse cases in the US, and actually tends to be under reported. Encourage children to play group games or hang out and talk in common areas that are easily supervised.
- Remind children of safety guidelines each morning, and check in with your children at the end of each day.
IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Any criminal conduct should be reported DIRECTLY TO AUTHORITIES.
If any youth discloses sexually inappropriate behavior or sexual abuse, do not overreact. Often children can be more traumatized by poor responses to disclosures, than they are by the incident. Calmly and carefully ask the child/youth who might be supportive in this situation. Never blame a child/youth when they disclose. Get help from three other trustworthy adults with determining if it is criminal, reportable or a situation that indicates behavior change or a new safety practice.
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After reading the above guidelines, it does not sound like convention grounds are a very safe place these days. Since male workers and male friends are the primary source of CSA in the group, why were they not singled out in the guidelines? Corfield types could be used as a good example. Instead they talk about peer-to-peer abuse. Would not get within 10 miles of any place that needed these guidelines for safe entry – what is this world coming to?
In all honesty, as I read through these guidelines, I feel like this is a field trip in the middle of a new pandemic in which no cure has been found (yet). These guidelines are not making me feel safer while we’re in the middle of the current situation.
What in the world???? There’s NOTHING about predators or perpetrators. This is ridiculous and puts all the responsibility and blame on CHILDREN. What happens when “3 trustworthy adults” are all in cahoots together? Was there professional counsel taken when writing this letter? it seems highly unlikely.
Not intending this response to be sarcastic, but text is really limiting to convey hard topics.
Predators are not in the habit of consulting with a guidebook before deciding whether to perpetrate a crime, nor are they known for following rules of good behavior. As a parent, I have often felt the unfortunate reality is that we must take the position of playing defense with regard to protecting our kids, especially in contexts where it is impossible to vet every single attendee and situation every moment. I am imagining that was the authors’ thought with composing this particular note…
Do you have specific ideas you feel would help our conventions be safe without eroding the environmwnt of trust? Genuinely interested, as our conventions will be coming up in the fall.
I don’t know that there is any trust left to worry about. The only thing that I can think of is don’t go to convention if you have children. These overseers have shown they will not protect your children unless forced, maybe conventions without children will send a message but I doubt it.
Yes – maybe consider not going? Would you get anywhere near any other type of venue where these types of CSA guidelines are provided? Not me. Conventions are not scriptural anyway, but strait away from the founder’s Faith Mission days.
you are correct… text can be limiting, but do not discount the idea that there are predators reading these very comments.
there’s no trust left.
i would advise not attending, but that’s just me.
I totally agree. Seems like a buddy system for the workers would be in order, unless they collaborate to CSA. This is beyond believable. What is it they say? “You can’t make this stuff up.”
Glad you don’t have to ATTEND. Several states have had convention and Montana is the first one to post “guidelines”…things will never be the same and we should know this by now. We are moving forward in changing times and glad we can have convention.
There was a letter shared a bit ago from some of the workers at Parma (ID), very similar to this one if my memory serves me right.
Meanwhile in Canada, conventions are approaching and only the frogs are croaking. Where is the communication from the overseers? Saving it for a little talk after the Wednesday night meeting at convention???
You are right! Thankful for conventions. I understand the sadness of CSA and it so sad. BUT you are right come on, we are moving forward and I’m sure the conventions will look emptier, as purification continues from God. The process takes time and this is not just about the workers. There are many friends covering up abuse too and it not just workers. Thank you for saying this and yes if God is willing for conventions, then there will be conventions.
Why do think it is a purification from God? Is that what the friends/workers are claiming? This happened because the ex 2x2s pushed for it.
Mystie, God will use whatever means He can. I think He gave the overseers that time to do the right thing, but they didn’t, so now He is using the Ex’s. For those of us going to meeting, it is a scary thing because we are now in the hands of those who hate us (not all but some who do.) But that is the fault of anyone who knew about abuse and didn’t go to the police.
This was not written by the workers, it was written by a group of concerned mothers. I applaud them for their efforts.
‘Mesnuc’, thank you for clarifying, and I agree that their efforts are to be applauded. We need to attack CSA from every angle, with many people contributing and helping to refine the approach.
If that’s the case, it’s a good honest effort by caring Mothers to other parents.
It’s easy to criticize someone else’s effort and be an expert. How about making constructive suggestions rather than being critical.
it’s not that any of those things are bad advice. but the lack of them aren’t the cause of CSA. unless the root problem is addressed, it will not stop.
Yes, and it’s also a responsibility of a parent to be educated and to educate their children on how to be safe. To me, these guidelines seem like common sense, but many parents don’t think about these things in any context but especially when it comes to church settings. Parents should be going over these things with their kids AND having conversations with other adults on how to address the root cause.
yes. That’s not what the parents who wrote this are trying to address. That is being addressed separately.
As a Boy Scout Leader, I see Youth Protection practices and the Guide to Safe Scouting being applied to convention situations. Well done on looking to youth programs that were developed and continue to be updated by the experts in these fields on best practices. Great place to start and continue from!
Thanks to the group of concerned mothers who put this together. With all the wolves running around off leash and sometimes in packs, ALMOST ALL of the responsibility is currently falling on parents to protect our children in the near term. When we can change the system to function properly, the responsibility will be SHARED. Just like it is in our schools, sports organizations and city streets. There are laws and enforcement of them for protection of all people in those places.
I found this excellent. As parents we can educate our children to be on the look out. I agree peer to peer can be very frightening and good to know you have someone around that will hear your cry or scream. I know of exactly that situation happening (not at convention but another venue) and the guy had to let go of the girl as her buddy showed up immediately.
I believe this is good for our children to practice every where they go. They promote this on all school trips and certainly in our family it is the norm when attending any amusement parks and such.
Hi there!
This is a place to connect with like-minded individuals who prioritize faith and Jesus over tradition. Our community is a safe space where we come together to support each other, share our experiences, and make a positive change on our surroundings through Jesus and only through him. We believe that our relationship with Jesus is a personal journey, but we can enhance it by sharing our individual journeys with others. This is a completely private social network, only the members can see each other..but it has many of the same features as a public social network so you can add pictures, links, or anything else you feel will help others.
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This does not sound like a place where children should be, or anyone!!!
Convention has never, ever been a “safe space”. It is just that we now know this fact. These guidelines are smart for every child, everywhere. Unfortunately there seem to be more predators within the 2x2s, probably drawn in by the “open homes” that families have provided. My children will not be attending any conventions until they are adults. It is our responsibility as parents to protect them and be smart about what spaces we put them into and the risks involved. The overseers that were complicit over the years are still in charge. Big No from our family.
What about the abusers that are elders, workers, convention owners etc.?
Interesting that your children won’t be attending convention – yet they are free to go many other places…..where there could be predators waiting.
Right? These are guidelines for how to help your kids be safe in ANY setting, not just church events. I consider it to be part of my responsibility as a parent to protect my children and teach them age-appropriate ways to be smart and safe, wherever we go. Do I have higher standards for their safety at convention than I do at a public museum? Yes, and I’m involved in the conversation to change the culture of our church. But I don’t have the expectation of ever not needing to teach my kids to be smart and careful around other people.
Do they? I think maybe more education and professional input perhaps from childrens therapists would be helpful.
I’m really thankful for the mothers who took the time to make sure that not only their children but everyone’s children can love convention. Simple understandable education for our children is powerful.
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My experience is not with adults and I am sorry for all whose experience was that way. Mine was peer, so I am clearly on board with these statistics.
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I had a creepy cousin who already had a reputation. My mother warned me about him. As a result, when he got me out alone and started grooming me and then exposed himself to me and then expected the same from me – I ran. The nice girl in me let go of her power over me and the realistic scared girl took over. And I told my mom. I don’t know if anything changed, but I was never alone with him again so I have a feeling that our parents made some serious changes to protect us children.
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But mom expected me to be a good girl, a good example, especially at meetings, and when us children would get out of hand during pot lucks, she always singled me out. I think she did the right thing here – I think she truly tried to help me to be a good person who loved others. But it was used against me by a very dominant child not much older than me who essentially blackmailed me. And I kept quiet so that I wouldn’t get in trouble. If only I’d had a bit of direction in these kinds of situations… My parents would be horrified and feel very guilty if they knew this had happened. But in our day there were no clear guidelines.
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For those whose knee jerk reaction is to automatically criticize everything as never good enough and throw blame on everyone, please have patience. Change is always seen and experienced as painful. It never comes about until it’s too painful to not change. Now everyone is on our side – every honest soul – and with these things in place, we can help stop the cycle of victims becoming abusers.
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Bottom line, we parents bear the ultimate responsibility for our children. We have to trust others with our children. Education is empowerment. It doesn’t prevent everything but it goes a long way.